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Just a lil FYI......I write here for me and me only. I hope to use this space to help me remember the good, the bad and the ugly!!! I may also voice my feelings on a few things here and there, if you don't agree with them, cool and please do feel free to let me know. BUT....(there's always a "but" huh???) be nice these are MY feelings and thoughts and it's MY blog so again be nice!!! Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you will check back often as I'm really trying to make myself post more often. Sometimes just writing things down help to get things off my chest so to say, and it does me feel better.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year!!!

We all ask the same questions, why does time seem to fly the older we get??? Who knows but I know it sure does fly!! I mean if I stop and really think about (which I try not to because it gives me a huge headache)it doesn't seem possible that we have a son who is not only married but married with a sweet lil baby girl!!!!! Then our daughter is all finished with school and working in the big bad world as a real grown up, apartment and all. I have to remind myself that yes I am 48 years old and yes I've been married for 27 years now. When did I grow up??? Well let's not ask hubby that because he just may say I haven't done so yet!!! Such is life.

So it's a new year and everyone are making all of these promises to do better and such, not me, why bother, ha ha!!! Although I do want to make a better effort to do more with my life on a day to day basis. Back when I worked I was into my job and raising our kids I didn't have a chance to take a deep breath at times. Then I got sick and things settled somewhat, no more work. Our kids and my health became my number one job everyday!! Then a funny thing happened along the way. Our kids graduated high school and went off to college and then off to the real world. I sort of kept busy going to lunch with friends and hubby when he was not traveling, all was good. I missed the kids but often looked so forward to them coming home on break, then with the same eagerness I often looked forward to them going back. Then my house was nice and clean and peaceful again, and I was sad!!!!!!!! I spent large parts of their break worrying about the house being messy and dishes in the sink and the noise level oh my!!! Then they would leave and I'd feel bad that I wasn't truly "present" while they were home. Fast forward to this past November our son is being transfer from Pearl Harbor HI to Norfolk, we agree to pick up his two personal dogs a few days before the kids and baby are to arrive. Oh my we already have two dogs of our own, now I have a huge German Shepard and a lil weenie dog too. No problem everyone gets along great, we have a huge back yard dogs are all happy!!! Then a few days later we pick up our and daughter and baby, they had 45 days leave!!!!!!!!!! Kayla is from a town about 2.5 hours from us so they took turns spending a week here and a week and back and fourth, it was wonderful!!!! I made myself promise not to worry about messes, I mean I had already missed out on Caroline's first 5.5 months of life and I wasn't about to miss anymore if I could help it!! It was tough at times our house was pretty messy often but you know what? I couldn't have cared less. I enjoyed my time with everyone and tuned the mess out. When they left each Monday for her parents house I spent that Monday cleaning my house, no biggie, I lived through it!!!! We all had a wonderful visit and made great memories. So now what have I got to bitch about now??? Well you see, I sort of feel as if I'm in a slump maybe??? Who knows all I know is most days I don't go any where, just don't feel like dealing with getting ready and dressed to go out. Hubby travels often and that leaves me home alone for sometimes a week at a time. So I've gotten myself into a slump of where I don't care to go any where nor do anything. Yeah sure I have good days and bad days but that's nothing new, next month on the 20Th I'll have been battling my kidney/bladder issues for 17 years, so nothing new there. I find myself wanting to sleep late because of course then there is less time in the day for me to sit around here with nothing to do. I have no clue how I got into this slump nor how long it's been going on. I'd guess for at least a year maybe, I think I can trace it back to my huge ugly surgery in November of 2009 where I had my urostomy. I just don't have the energy or desire to do anything. I hate, I can see myself doing it but don't know how to change it. When the kids were here everyday I was up 8:30 or so as I used to do daily. But once they are gone I'm back to my slackness. I clean my house but not as often or as well as I once did. So my friends I have a fabo life, an even more fabo hubby, great kids a great daughter in law who loves our son and is a fabo mom to our grand daughter, proud mom of a son serving in the US Navy, a daughter who has her dream job, her dream apartment and all of that good stuff. So why oh why do I feel like a slug????? I've never been one to be depressed, often times in the beginning of my illness my physician would ask if I needed to talk to someone or if I felt as if I needed meds, my reply was "no I'm good for now". So am I depressed or just lazy or just have no energy for no reason??????????? Of course there are many reasons I don't have as much energy as I used to, years of a chronic illness will do that to you. So my friends any suggestions???? Ever feel this way, what did you do about it????? I'm not talking about the energy to run 10 miles a day but I'd like to have the energy to get out of bed every day and not dread the next day each night before falling asleep. I feel as if my life is passing me by as I slug it off!! I've thought about making an appointment with my physician and see what she has to say, I feel really comfortable with her and don't feel as if she'll think I just have WWS (AKA Whiny Woman Syndrome) as some physicians (sorry to say this but....) of the male gender may think!!! So do I make an appointment with her or do I make an appointment to talk to someone or both???? Any help would be great!!!! Thanks and hope everyone has a fabo year!!!!!

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