Thanks for stopping by!

Just a lil FYI......I write here for me and me only. I hope to use this space to help me remember the good, the bad and the ugly!!! I may also voice my feelings on a few things here and there, if you don't agree with them, cool and please do feel free to let me know. BUT....(there's always a "but" huh???) be nice these are MY feelings and thoughts and it's MY blog so again be nice!!! Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you will check back often as I'm really trying to make myself post more often. Sometimes just writing things down help to get things off my chest so to say, and it does me feel better.

Monday, January 31, 2011

A trip is planned!

Two more sleeps until I get to see sweet lil Caroline!!!! We are going to Norfolk, VA on Wednesday to spend a few days with the kids!!! On Thursday AM David is re enlisting in the Navy for six more years. We are so proud of him; he loves his job ad that makes me so happy!! We always told our kids we didn’t care what they went to college for but to just remember whatever they choose they’ll end up doing it every day for a very long time!! I am happy to say that both of our kids love their jobs!!! That in itself makes this mom a happy mom!!
Caroline is still not sleeping well!! I feel so bad for Kayla; she gets little to no good sleep, ever!! David is good about getting up with her on the weekends, but just like any other mom, she wakes up when she hears the baby. I plan to get up with Caroline while we are there, as I normally do. I just can’t figure out what the problem is, when she was about three months old she began sleeping all night, then it was not long and it was time to pack up household goods and ship them to the East coast for the move. She had to sleep in her “pac-n-play” and she just didn’t get any good sleep in that; then she got here and she had a cold and didn’t sleep well due to that and the huge 12 hour time change. So ever since she has been a horrible sleeper at night. They have tried everything, not seems to work. I know poor Kayla is at her wits end, good thing she is such a patient mom!! She’s been to the doctor for her six month check up and everything was great, the only thing they suggested was to not allow her to nap past four PM, which she hadn’t been. They have begun keeping her up past 8:30 which had been her bed time before, now its 9:30 or so. She still gets up several times a night; it’s not to eat because she won’t take a bottle. Sometimes Kayla can just reposition her and give her back her paci and she’s good to go, she’ll sleep a few hours at that most and is back awake screaming at the top of her lungs!!! She has tried the cry it out method but it does no good, she just screams and cries until she throws up. They are coming here once David deploys, well if he deploys (I’ll explain that in a second) and I plan to be t he one getting up with her and stuff and I just hope maybe trying the cry it out here works a little better, she won’t bother anyone here crying!! They live in an apartment right now and they are afraid people will complain about the baby screaming, so they won’t really allow her to cry long, which makes things difficult too!! We really thought that once she began solids she’d really sleep much better; as I said she doesn’t get up to eat she doesn’t want a bottle for the most part when she wakes up in the middle of the night. That just makes me wonder if she just doesn’t have mommy and daddy trained to come to her, who knows if she’s old enough for that or not. She will be eight months old on the 12th of February so maybe she just knows if she cries out some body will come to her, who knows!!!! All I know is I plan to get to the bottom of it and hope we can “fix” her sleep issues!! I don’t have the heart to tell Kayla that Melissa never slept through the night, that child, always woke up every night!! The good thing about that was that she woke up and entertained herself in her crib, once she was old enough to eat solids and didn’t need a middle of the night bottle, she just played. So who knows maybe Caroline will grow up to be just like her Aunt Melissa and LOVE working the night shift.
Speaking of Melissa, that crazy little girl (well 23 year old really) loves her job!! She loves working 9PM until 9AM, not so sure I’d like that shift, well I know I wouldn’t!! I had to work a few 7PM to 7AM and I so hated it, from like 4AM on it was all I could do to keep me eyes open. She has finally gotten all of her furniture and her apartment is too cute!! She has made her own curtains and she is loving being on her own. Although I don’t know so much if she loves paying her own bills and all of that adult stuff but she does it!! She finally got around to doing her taxes from 2009 and her refund check came here so I called to tell her it was here, thinking she’d be excited she had a little cash!!!! Her response was, “OK thanks I’ll get it next time I come”, so I was like aren’t you excited you have some money???? She mom it’s all got to bills, I have no money left out it!!! Poor kid, so being the good mom I am I said, “Wow Melissa is really sucks being an adult with bills doesn’t it”? Somehow she didn’t think I was very funny!!! Of course now that she had to pay for all of her stuff she doesn’t allow her dog on her new furniture. Funny thing is she used to get mad at me when they lived here and I wouldn’t let her crazy dog on the furniture downstairs, she was like no one else sits on that furniture so why can’t my dog?? It’s very interesting to me now that she used her earned money to buy her stuff, her dog suddenly can sit on it!!! Too funny!! She has started back to school this semester so she’ll be busy as can be and it makes me sad because we won’t see her much!!
So the reason that David may not be able to deploy is when he went for medical clearance today his blood pressure was up!! He’s only 26 going to be 27 in a few weeks. Of course he failed to inform the folks at medical that he had just finished a hard PT about 30 minutes before his appointment, nor that he dip in his mouth, nor that he had drank a huge energy drink on his way to work today!!!!!!!!!! All of which could increase his blood pressure, so of course now he is totally stressed out because he really wants to deploy, why I have no clue!!! They told him to come back in a week if it is better they will clear him. I told him to stay away from all of the above, not to mention back off all of the chips, soda and other sodium filled crap he eats daily!!!! Of course he just doesn’t “see” how any of that stuff can affect ones blood pressure!!! I just hope he doesn’t stress out and make himself totally crazy over the next week to make things worse!!! I of course don’t want him to deploy so I’d be a happy mom but I know he really had his heart set on going, I mean that’s what he trains for every day. I will keep everyone posted!! Keep him your thoughts if you would please and his poor wife that he doesn’t drive her out of her mind in the mean time!!!!
I hope everyone has a wonderful week, I’m not sure I’ll post again before next Sunday or Monday. I plan to spend all of my time away enjoying family and good food!!!

Photo above of lil Miss Caroline being a big girl and holding her juice bottle watching some tunes on TV!!!! She is getting so big, so fast!!!


Friday, January 28, 2011

My little blue friend

Where the heck has the time gone??? Every day since I’ve been home from the hospital I have thought about posting, but you know how best laid plans go, huh? There is nothing new going on here, same old same old which I suppose I should be thankful for. Dave (hubby) has been busy as ever at the office!!! They have new computer software system that has been instated the first week of January, and since then he has been busier than I don’t even know what!! I feel really bad for him, as if the new software isn’t enough of an issue it’s “month end close”. Those that are in or have been sales I’m sure know exactly what I’m talking about, HELL!!! Again we need to be thankful that they have so much business that they are busy and he has lots of orders coming in but……it’s hard to see him stressed out and so tired. You can just look at him and see how mentally tired he is, I wish I could change things for him. We are very thankful for the fact that he does have a job; we know many, many people out there don’t have jobs and I feel bad complaining about it. I know he isn’t getting good restful sleep because he tosses and turns and is just really restless. I hope he’ll get some good down time this weekend; we have no plans except to have a cookout at our neighbors. Yes I said a cookout at the end of January!!!!!! It is supposed to be like 60 degrees all weekend, so we’ll all pretend its spring or early summer and wear a light weight jacket and enjoy the company and good food!!!
Wednesday of next week we are going to visit our son and his wife and our sweet lil grand daughter!!!!! That little has totally stolen my heart!!! I got a call the weekend I was in the hospital that Caroline had stood up in her crib, my sweet lil girl!!! Kayla (daughter in law) walked into her room to get her after a nap and as she walked in the door Caroline just grabbed the top rail of her crib and stood up!!! Man where has the time gone??? She will be eight months old on the 12th of February; Kayla said one day last week she was just chilling on the floor with her feet in her month and she just sat up and then stood all by herself!!!!!!! Of course it was only for a split second, she just may walk before her daddy leaves for deployment!!! I don’t want to rush her along but I really would like for him to see her walk for the first time. She cracks me up with her crawling, she just gets on all fours and rocks back and forth, then when she’s ready for takeoff she drops down to her tummy and tucks her left arm under her belly and tummy/army crawls any where she wants to go. If she gets tired of tummy crawling she rolls where ever she wants to go, smart lil girl!!!! I can’t wait to get there to visit so I can give Kayla a break, Caroline isn’t sleeping well at all! She goes down between 8:30 and 9:30 and sleeps until around midnight or one AM, then it seems as if it’s every hour she is awake. She’s not hungry when she wakes up because she isn’t interested in a bottle all she does is scream at the top of her lungs. Kayla has tried everything we can think of to help her sleep, from playing soft music, letting her cry it out, repositioning her and putting her little blanket back over her, and who knows what else. I feel really, really bad for Kayla I mean we all need our sleep and as much as she says she is OK I know it has to be getting to her!! Caroline went in for her six month check up in January and they said all was well with her, although Kayla did call for an appointment today because Caroline has been pulling on her ears a lot of this sleep thing is getting worse and worse instead of better. That crazy military insurance they are covered by said that they didn’t have anything open for her until Monday!!!!!!!! Monday, who the heck wants to go all weekend with a possible ear infection??? Our son even came home from work early and went to medical to see what he could do if anything and they told him they were sorry but it was Friday and too late in the day for her to be seen today!!! Man, it’s a good thing that wasn’t me because I’d probably get kicked out of the Navy for going nuts. It just bugs me to no end when I hear they have told Kayla “well since she doesn’t have a fever and is eating and drinking she should be fine until Monday”!!! Oh yeah also if she gets worse over the weekend take her to the ER, that as a health care professional pisses me off to no end!!! That is abuse of the ER if you ask me, and that is why the ER’s all over the country are so overbooked and in such horrible states that patients die awaiting care at times. Why bother assigning them a primary care physician if you can’t get in when you need to?? OK I’m finished my rant here, sorry but the health care system in this country leaves a lot to be desired!!! I should and am very thankful for my own health coverage as well as the kids having coverage but they make it so dang hard to use.
As I mentioned a few posts ago that I had planned to talk to my physician about a possible anti-depressant because I just didn’t feel like “me”. Well I’ve been taking it since January sixth and although I am slightly afraid to jinx myself, I have to say that I do feel as if it may be working. I have no clue long it’s supposed to take, I’ve never taken anything like this before so, any suggestions I’m open for them. So the good doc gave me Zoloft and I suppose it’s like most of the drugs in that class that take about four weeks or so to get to a good therapeutic level in ones system. Again open for suggestions from any and all!! I have not felt like sleeping all day long, I have more desire to get up and do stuff instead of just sitting around watching TV all day. I have to say I was a little concerned last week that maybe I was wasting my time and money on this medication because I felt so bad and had little no energy; but I think that was just my body recovering from the kidney infection and sepsis (infection in my blood). The very beginning of this week I felt much better overall, I was up and out of bed by nine AM, which I can live with since I do tend to go to bed very late. In the past several weeks/months I wouldn’t get up until close to noon or even later, my sleep was often broken up. I’d go to bed and fall asleep fairly early like 9ish and then be wide awake by midnight, so I’d watch TV for a few hours, then Dave’s alarm would go off around five AM and I’d often stay awake until he left close to seven and then I’d just go back to sleep until whenever. Then I’d get up and feel like crap because one I’d slept the day away, secondly, I had no desire to get dressed. Often times I’d stay in my jammies until late afternoon or just before Dave was due home, then I’d shower and just put clean jammies back on, well of course that just made me feel even worse! Normally I get a haircut every four weeks five at the very most; I had even begun skipping those. I had a hair cut this past Tuesday and it’s my first since mid November, that’s just not me. I also normally would get a mani/pedi about every two to three weeks, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d had either done and they so looked it too!!! I called this week my maintance week, since I was having a hair cut, highlights and a mani/pedi and I do have stay they have all made me feel very good!!!! Every day this week I have not only gotten a shower and gotten dressed I even put make up on!!! Last night I was thinking about this past week; and I have to I was sort of impressed with myself I had gotten dressed and all, but then I thought well hell you only got dressed because you had places to go! Well flash forward to today I had no place to go, no one was coming over no plans at all and guess what????????? I not only got a shower and got dressed I put make up on and did my hair all before noon!!!! I even put “real” clothes on, clothes I could and would wear outside of the house if need be. Therefore I sort of feel as if things may be looking brighter and I have to say I like me this way!!!! It’s been a long time coming and I really didn’t realize how long it had really been until I began to sort of come out of “it”. When I think about it I want to beat myself up over the fact that I have to take a drug to make me feel “better” or more myself, when I really know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I feel embarrassed about it; don’t know why because I know more people who take something along those lines than don’t. I’ve had the very same conversation with them as I have with myself. That if taking the medication makes you feel better or feel as if you can face life again, who cares just take and be happy you feel better!! I keep telling myself that, every single time I want to beat me up over this stupid little blue pill!!!! Crazy, stupid, nutty I know; for feeling that way, but often times one’s mind can play nasty little tricks on you!! So that’s my ramblings about my little blue pill, I have to say I am so very thankful to it right now and no matter how much I want to beat myself up over taking I won’t allow it, it’s not a big deal I refuse to allow it to rule my life!! I also look at it like, I take several different medications for high blood pressure, renal failure and a whole host of other things, I don’t beat myself up about taking those, so why should I feel that way about my little blue pill/friend???? Any thoughts on my ramblings as I said before I’m open, even suggestions!!! Just no hate mail, even though I sort of feel as if I’m on the upside of the downslide, hate mail just may drop me back over to the other side again!!!!
I hope everyone has the most wonderful weekend; it’s going to be in the 60’s this weekend. I plan to make the most of it and just go for it!!!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Home from Club Med!!!!

So I’m home from Club Med as I like to call it, not a great stay not a horrible stay either!!! I had a kidney infection as well as being septic from that fabo kidney of mine!!! It was about as eventful as most hospital stays for me, lots of horrible shaking, chills, teeth chattering fevers, pain that makes you sort of not like life very much. Other than that it was a pretty normal hospital stay for me. I learned a few things I’d rather not know and not have to deal with but such is life, you gotta live with the hand one is dealt or so they say, right???? It seems that my left and only remaining kidney has taken a huge hit, once again! My renal function is at an all time low; my upper pole to middle of my kidney is now fairly scarred over. The fact that it has gone from only the upper left pole down through the middle in only a few short months, well I suppose we could say that’s not a real good thing. Again such is life, right???? Honestly I was sort of afraid to ask exactly what this might mean for me. It’s only been four months since my last ultra sound, and according the radiology report there is significant scarring since “US as of 9/2010”. Can we all say FUCKING great???????? Thanks Mike Daniel for your stupid fuck up, thanks for refusing to see that something was truly “wrong” with my right fucking kidney all the times I bitched something was wrong!!!!! You stupid fuck, I hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry but just had to say it, it just pisses me off to no end to think that some of this could have been prevented had I not had such a fuck up of a doctor and had I not let him bully me into “thinking” it was all in my head!!
OK, rant over for now, sorry but it’s really hard not to be pissed off at times such as this. To say I’m scared doesn’t even come close. Lots of words such as end stage renal disease and other ugly words were mentioned. My physician was not “on call” over the weekend when most of the sucky results came back, much to my sorrow. Anyway the “on call” physician gave me the results and was as compassionate as he could be, I’m sure he was waiting for me to respond. I didn’t, for many reasons; big reason was I just didn’t have the energy to deal with it all. Plus why waste that fabo feeling one has with large amounts of IV pain meds running through your veins to discuss sucky things such as “your life pretty much sucks right now and really your future isn’t looking much better”??? Yeah so I dodged that great conversation for a bit, but really now that I think about it, maybe I should have had that convo while I was drugged. Maybe I should have!!!! So I’m so looking forward to my follow up appointment with my urologist, NOT!!!!! It’s a good thing I really like this guy and as hard as it is I do trust him. I keep flipping between telling myself I need to make a list of questions for my appointment. Then part of me says “hell no don’t do that you might hear something you don’t like, can’t deal with, whatever…..” so I still have a few weeks to figure out my plan. I just wish that stupid fuck Mike Daniel didn’t make me lose all trust in physicians!!! I try really, really hard to trust but dam it’s so fucking hard to do. I suppose one could say I have a few more weeks to “pretend nothing in my little world is wrong” for a bit longer. Of course I so know this isn’t the smartest thing in the world to do and considering I sort of like being here on this place called “earth”, I’ll suck it up and put on my big girl panties that day and face whatever it is he has to tell me, good, bad ugly whatever. Then we’ll make a plan together and hope for the best.
There is a bright side to all of this sucky crap, that CT scan that I needed for a follow up on that whatever it is/was in my lung is scarring!! Well that’s good news right??? Gotta take the good news when we can get it, you know??? I’m told it’s scarring from the chest tubes I’ve had in the past and very possibly the blood clots as well. So that is all fabo news!!! I’m very happy with the outcome on that, so I can at least end this post on not such a sucky note! Hope everyone has a most wonderful rest of the weekend!! No big plans here, I am finally sort of feeling like a human again, progress, slow but progress is progress, gotta take it where and when you can!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Hi guys........

I'm posting from the fourth floor of club med, right here in good ole Rock Hill, SC! I had a horrible night Thursday I was very sick to my tummy, couldn't even lie still. I was up pacing the floors due to pain. My fever continued to rise and I just really bad all night and was waiting from my 10:40 doctors appointment. He walked in the room looked at vitals signs and says sit right, I'll have my nurse begin looking for a bed for! I just sat there, he came and said wow you must feel bad you gave me no crap about being admitted. So any way as if I already didn't know I was sick a quick look at my vitals and one might freak a bit! My BP was 182/102. R 128, not very good! They were all so high due to my pain. The pain is slightly better but still really bad, I have a bad kidney infection as well being speptic (infection in my blood). It's been about 14 hours since my latest fever, in which they have all been around 102 - 104. Not sure how long I'll be here but it will be for a bit. When I begin to feel better I'll write a little more! Hope you guys had a great weekend!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Meet Rocky.....David's new partner

This Rocky he is I believe about three years old and he is Belgian Malinois (hope that is the correct spelling, you cause I can’t spell and all), they look very much like a German Shepard. I believe David told me the way you tell them apart is a “mal” has a larger head and ears and are little more muscular. Now don’t quote because my memory is about as bad as my spelling and it’s only like 3:30 AM and I’ve been up since about 6:30 AM yesterday. This dog has been deployed before once I know for sure and I’m not sure where to but he’s only been back about two weeks now. Rocky is a narcotics and patrol dog. FYI….patrol dog, means he can ride in the car with his handler and knows what to do should things go “South” as they say. AKA knows how to basically kick ass and take names later!!!! I’m not sure if anyone knew the meaning of patrol and just in case you think as I do, now not to insult anybody just a little FYI, just in case.
I have a bit of a dilemma here, But you’ll a little back story sort of ok, so hang on it might get a little confessing but it’ll all come together, K). When I lose something, break it, miss place it or whatever I might do with an item (that belongs to me no one else) hubby gets all of his feathers ruffled up and gets into his lecture me on being more responsible and all that crap. Now that you have a little of the back story let me back up a bit more and say I often do have a very bad habit of doing ALL of the above. Yeah I admitted isn’t that the first step of something or the other??? Hubby had been bitching that his new glasses felt lose and he just knows “that girl” at the eye doctors messed them up and he needed to take them in to be fixed. I mean that would only be right considering he had just gotten them less than a month before and had spent about $400!!!! Needless to say he was slightly busy at the office and never got around to it. So while we were visiting with the kids at Christmas, the dam arm feel right off his glasses while they were still on his face!!!!! Oh holy hell I had to turn my head because I wanted to laugh so badly (but knew better for sure!!!) So he was about to start whining like a little girl, I said wait, you should have taken them in when you said you were. Well hell we all know he didn’t like hearing that now did he???? Nope, well too bad dude!! So he very quietly handed me the glasses in the case and all (remember the above confession????) and said here YOU please put these away so I can take them back when we get home. Well that was mistake number two for him in my book; anyway I really truly thought I put them in my luggage. So we get home and unpack, he says just set my glasses by my keys I’ll run by on my way to the office, um I don’t have your glasses!!!! &^%$@R%@$%Y$I*IUY even worse words than I use came out of his mouth, I very quietly waited till he finished and said well you shouldn’t have given them to me to hold. He knew I was right and walked away mubble-mubbly. Hasn’t really said anything about the glasses since one reason is they have to be at the kids somewhere because we know they didn’t leave their house and we are going up there in a few weeks so we can look and I hope find them. Reason number two for not saying much see confession above. Flash forward to tonight we spoke on his way home he was worn out glad tomorrow is Friday and all of that good crap (and really he has been crazy ass busy at work and you know you can’t get good help anymore it snows a tiny bit and the dam people can’t come to work for three days!!!!!!!! Seriously they closed on Monday, Tuesday three hours late, that day, NONE, not one of his employees “could get their cars out, yeah right so really he’s been beat up the last few months with lots of conversions and crap there so yeah he is worn out), he says I’m pulling in the garage bye. Then I hear him downstairs cussing like crazy, (I look to see both dogs are with me, so what the hell is he bitching about??? Normally it’s the dogs jumping on his suit and “I don’t need dog fur on my suit!!) So I go see what his deal is and he said all quite like a dam kid in trouble………I put my iPad on the roof of my car because my hands were full and I can’t find it now. Wow, that really sucks is truly what went through my mind, if we are being honest and all here!!!! So he tells me as he is getting on the interstate he thought he heard something, but he thought it might be a file or something moving around his back seat because he had people his car at lunch and crap got moved around. So he then says…………….you know when I heard that noise I thought dam I hope I put my iPad in my trunk!!!!!!!!! I knew I should have pulled over!!!! Well he didn’t, so we got retrace his steps, no iPad to be seen anywhere!!! Of course it’s really dark so we couldn’t really see either. So who knows where it is, he tried to GPS it but it’s not picking up, that could mean it’s crushed in tiny, little bitty pieces on the side of the road or just out of range. He has it password protected so unless somebody is a good guesser they won’t get in, after a certain number of tries with the wrong p/w it wipes everything out of it, so that’s good. Tomorrow, well a little later today he plans to leave a little early and retrace his steps and see if it turns up in the day light. If not, it’s not all so bad because we’ll only be out our $250.00 homeowners deductable. Considering by the time you the case, the screen shield, tax and the iPad that’s a little over a grand. So he’s out a quarter of what he had into it. Anyway so what’s my dilemma you might ask???? Well I so want to get all high and mighty and lecture him on being more responsible about keeping up with stuff and all as he does to me, right????? I mean wouldn’t you want to, too????? ha ha really I don’t care, cause I don’t really listen when he lectures me so it doesn’t bother me for the most part, but really I wanna do it to see how it feels,ha ha ha me so funny!!!! But then again he get really pissed at me and you I keep telling my sister I have to “good” because if he divorces me I might have to get a J-O-B!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no hell no I’m keeping my trap shut!!!! Really he wouldn’t divorce me cause he lobes me too much, ha ha may I really do live in my own word don’t I???? anyway of course I’m just saying I’d lecture him but you know he’s beating his own dam dumb ass self up so why waste my time and energy you know????? How the heck he deals with me and doesn’t just “kick me to curb” why oh why?!!!! OK so my rant is over.
I have been taking an antibiotic for seven days today for my sinus crud and pneumonia, so one would think I’d be pretty dam well covered for any other bugs trying to show their ass around town. But of course that isn’t so for me, so I began running a low grade fever today only around 100.7 nothing like the fevers from hell in the past thanks to my lucky little stars and all!! Not to mention my left flank area has been increasing more painful over the last I’d say three or four days but I didn’t really think too much very much about because at times I do hurt more than others. Not to mention I’d like it to be just nothing when I begin hurting more, you know sort of pretend it isn’t so!! Anyway with the fever today I began to think the right thing to do was to call my urologist and fill him in. I also fail to mention that I’ve had way more blood in my urine the last few days than I normally do, sorry a little TMI there. So of course I need to be seen, who didn’t think he might say that? I knew good and well that I’d need to be seen. Well of course!! Which as the evening has progressed I have become increasingly more nauseated to the point of not even being able to swallow pills or the drink to wash them down without feeling like I might puke. Which at that point might not have been such a bad thing since I’d not eaten anything all day and still haven’t. You know like less chunks to clean up. Hum, sounds more and more like I just might have a kidney infection!! Well I’ll be dammed there is a first time for everything huh?? Well more like the first this month, ha, but truly I may have jinxed my own dam self by thinking last week, wow I haven’t been in the hospital since like August/September and I haven’t had an infection since very early December. Like I was thinking I might even have been “cured”, well I can wish, think, beg, plead and all that crap, it’s my world after all! So I’m not so sure what his plans will be considering all of the blood and fever, which isn’t all that bad (fever not being so bad) but considering I’d been taking some pain meds today which have a bit of Tylenol in them. Might have been the reason my fever stayed fairly controlled, but I have that telltale sign of a fever, the headache from HELL. I never get headaches unless I have a fever, but then again maybe all normal people do, who knows!! I have a brand spanking new life port (main IV access that is tunneled directly into a large artery in my heart), so I might be able to do home IV antibiotics. That takes care of the issue of ridding my one and only sucky half ass not working left kidney but it doesn’t take care of the increasing pain nor the not being able to drink let alone eat crap. I mean I could sure stand to miss a meal or ten but this isn’t really the best way to do so, you know??? Also considering the fact that they already get a little freaked out when I have an infection in that only sucky half ass working organ when I’ve not been taking a huge bad ass high power antibiotic, so with that in mind I just might buy myself a ticket to club med this weekend!!! I’ve wanted to get away but not to that freaking place!!!!!!!!!! Nothing personal and all I really like “my” nurses and my doctor, so that’s not an issue. Well yeah it is an issue when I don’t have “my” nurses cause you know I already cuss too much and then you add not feeling well, being on lots of pain meds and me not liking you, well let’s just say it’s not a pretty sight and could scar young children for life!!!!! So that’s my plan for tomorrow anyone else have any fun plans???? I hope your plans/weekend will be much more entertaining than mine seems to be shaping up to. Should I not post in a day or three or four you know where I am. Getting room service and all that good stuff, only thing missing will be nice pretty pink drinks with cool names and tiny umbrellas!!!! Later my peeps, be good, but not too very good so that you have no fun and I’ll be checking with everyone when I can!!!! Nite-nite!!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

"The needs of the Navy", it was bound to happen again!

As most of you already know our son, David is in the Navy. His job is a MWD Handler (Military Working Dog); he has always been interested in law enforcement. His senior year of college he found out that Master at Arms (Navy law enforcement) was one of the very few jobs in which you can’t go to OCS (officers’ candidate school). Once he was made aware of that, it didn’t matter that he was in his first semester of his senior year of college. He was quitting school and joining the Navy, like now!!! What you do???? You have to let go and allow them to be an adult at some point in time. You give your blessings and support them even if it’s not what “you” would like them to do. So that’s exactly what we did, supported him in making his dreams happen!! He goes through all of the stuff one does to enlist in the military, gives us a date of March 6, 2006. My first question is that “written in stone”? He tells me no it could change at the “needs of the Navy”!! Never did I realize at that point in time, just how important those words would become over the next few years. He did leave on March 6, 2006 as he originally stated. Off he goes to basic and all seems to be well, we don’t hear from him often, a letter here and there. We were sent a letter a few weeks into basic stating graduation information and all of the information we’d need to make plans to attend!! I was so excited; I began counting the days until we were headed to “Great Lakes Naval Station”. Basic graduation was great!!!!! I balled my eyes out like a big baby the entire ceremony!!!!! Once I got my hands on my sailor the first thing I notice is how he had matured over that short eight week period of time. We and lots of other families were bursting with pride as we visited the city of Chicago with our brand new sailors!!! What a sight to see, something I’ll never ever forget!!
Shortly after we headed back to SC, David was headed to San Antonio, TX Lackland Air Force Base, where he would receive his Master’s At Arms training. A few weeks into training he tells us they had a MWD instructor come and talk with them about the changes going on within the program. The major change that would affect David and his training mates was you were no longer required to work a set amount of time nor be a certain rank in order to apply to the MWD program!!!!! Those changes became effective, “at the needs of the Navy”! This is great news for this training class; of course it did cause some animosity toward from those who weren’t that fortunate. David put in a request to continue his training in the MWD program, after a short wait that seemed really long, he was accepted. Great news for him and it just made us that much happier he was going to be working in a profession he loved!!! Lucky young man to say the least!! Mater’s At Arms training ends and there are few weeks before MWD training begins, what to do???? Remember those words, “at the needs of the Navy”, (are you seeing a pattern here of those words, keep paying attention they do keep popping up!!) it would be such a waste of time to sit around and just wait for the program to begin, so “at the needs of Navy”, David was granted leave!!! Great for us, he comes home and visits friends and family and hangs out and best of all we were able to take one more family vacation to our favorite beach!! All is grand!! Leave is over he is back at Lackland for MWD training. I’m not sure how many weeks this was but I know it was very intense, he learned lots and still had no orders for a future duty station. Time keeps slipping by and still no orders, he begins to get to the bottom of it, no clue as to what happened that he no order or why he still had no orders, it’s so late in the game so to say, it doesn’t look like David is going to get anything on his “wish list” of duty stations, great!! Here is where those words, “at the needs of the Navy”, pop up again!! It appears his duty station is going to be chosen you guessed it, “at the needs of the Navy”!!! Lucky for David those needs just happened to Pearl Harbor, HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow fabo, maybe this was all worth it now!!! Late October of 2006 he arrives at Pearl Harbor, begins working and loves his job. During this time he and a very nice young lady he had dated in the past and he begin “talking” as they call it. David lets us know some time around April or so he has requested leave for late May through late June of 2007. Great can’t wait to see you, shall we plan to go to the beach or what shall we do while you are home??? He sort of hesitates a bit and says well no beach I live on the beach remember?? OK, fine there where???? He then tells me that he and Kayla are planning to visit Gatlinburg, TN while he’s home. I oh OK sounds great, dad and I have never been, he clears his throat and says nothing, um David are you there, you OK????? He proceeds to tell me that if it’s OK he and Kayla were going alone, Oh sure sorry, didn’t mean to try to but in on your time sweetie, go have fun!!!!! I hear a sigh of relief in his voice for a few seconds. He asked me did I know why they were going to TN, um no not really, maybe a quick getaway or something such????? I hear that bit of uncertainty in his voice again; I ask if all is OK, he assures me yes all “should” be fine. So the mom in me says, “spell it son, what’s up, you are never ever at a loss for words, give it to me straight!!!! He then very calmly says, “Well mom if you’ll go to such and such jewelry store at the mall and ask for item # whatever, you’ll be able to see the engagement ring I just bought for Kayla, mom I plan to ask her to marry me while I’m home. “Wow, OK, great son, we are happy for you, are you sure this is what you want, you guys haven’t been together in a while and you know how the conversation went. So anyway he comes home visits for a few days, goes to her parents house for day (they live about 2.5 hours from us) so he ask her father for permission to marry Kayla, that still makes me tear up after all this time!!!! So proud of our son, always trying to do the right thing!!!! Long story short, daddy says yes, but better take good care of my little girl, David agrees. We throw a small engagement party before he has to report back to Pearl Harbor. A February 2009 wedding is sort of the date they are planning on no true date as of yet just that time frame give or take a month or so.
Shortly after getting back to Pearl Harbor, deployment becomes the huge topic of all conversations!!!!! OH no, we knew it could happen but!!! July comes, that is July of 2008, just weeks after being back from leave, and “the needs of the Navy” shows its ugly head!!! We find out not only is David deploying, he is deploying mid to late September of 2008. At that point he was to leave Pearl Harbor go to Camp Pendleton in CA for uniform and gear, he would be deploying with the Marines so he needed new uniforms and all Marine “stuff”. He was to spend a few weeks there, then on to Uma, AZ for “in country training”, with all being in “country” as in Iraq by late November early December. No clue how long deployment may be possibly six or nine months who knows how long. After lots of tears, lots of fear and major planning we are able to pull off a PERFECT beach wedding for them on 08/08/08!!!!!!!!!!! So after being married for two whole long weeks, David leaves Kayla on an island in which one can go no further than 40 approximately miles in each direction before hitting water!!!! Kayla settled in nicely, met a few wonderful girls who were there for her, they had all had spouses deploy before so they knew the ins and outs and the good, the bad and ugly!!!! Those girls were a life saver to Kayla, we are so thankful for those ladies to this day. They took our sweet very young 22 year daughter in law and helped her make an old ugly 1940’s style base housing into a home for David to come home to.
Deployment was tough for all of us to say the least. Kayla was 5,000 plus miles away from home, further than she had ever in her entire life been and for longer than ever away from home, all alone!!!!!!!! Of course that is until those wonderful ladies came to help her. We are so proud of Kayla for sticking it out for deployment all alone; she found a job doing hair shortly after passing her SC boards. I think those 9ish 10ish months were the longest time of my entire life, but he made it home safe and sound, ready to start a family of his own!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m sure it was a tough adjustment period once he was home for both of them; again the friends stepped up and helped out with that process as well. About a month or two after he has been home, I get a phone call from David telling me Kayla is pregnant and they are so happy they can’t stand it!!!!!!!!!!!! About six months into her pregnancy we found out they have now have orders to go to Norfolk, VA!!!!!!!! Oh my oh my, is it really true, please tell me yes!!!!!! It was all very true so that makes them a five hour drive from us here in SC and only about two hours from my sisters in NJ!!!!! Life is great, Caroline is born in June, by November 5th we pick their dogs up at cargo in Charlotte, NC and two days later we pick up Caroline, David and Kayla up in Norfolk and bring them to SC for a 45 day leave. We spent lots of time doing a whole lot of nothing and hanging out with the baby and just having a grand old time!!!! Around December 5 they head to Norfolk and their new apartment which will be home for the next four years at least!!! We were lucky enough to spend Christmas with them, we got snowed in, and so all we did was VISIT!!! We enjoyed the “kids” and the baby more than I have words to describe!!!!!!!!
Life is good, we find out that David will be re-enlisting on February 3rd for the I think four maybe even six more years. It’s another excuse for us to go and visit and hang out with everyone!!!! So looking forward to spending about a week in Norfolk the first week of February. This is all fine and dandy and I’m excited to see my sweet lil Caroline and just give her the biggest hug and kiss Me-Me can find for her!!!! Then those words pop back up, dam it all to hell and back again!!!!!!!!!!!!! “At the needs of the Navy”, David will be deploying to Afghanistan sometime between 60 and 90 days!!!!! We don’t have an exact date yet, not sure if or when we will, it seems like we never did have an exact departure date from his first deployment. I have so many things going through my mind right now, I feel as if I’ve just rambled along this post without really saying anything at all!!!!! But then again I feel like that about all of my posts!!!! He is fine with going, he says he is ready for this, its job and he signed up for it and he’ll do it. I hate it, I really do but on the other hand I am so dam proud of that young man, I can’t even find words to express my feelings!!!!! I’m sure there are people out there who are thinking or even brave enough to say it, “well no body made him join, he knew the country was at war when he signed on the dotted line and every other thing you could think of and more. Yes, he did say yes, yes he did sign on the dotted line, yes he has gotten “called to duty” and he is going, no questions asked on his part, that makes me proud of our son. So I’ve said all of this to say if you hate the war, hate the military, think he was crazy to join or any other negative thing that comes to mind, please don’t write it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, FYI…………………………most of the guys over there fighting and the ones who have been or are going or whatever all pretty much think the war sucks big time, and would like it to be over, there are even some who feel they shouldn’t be there fighting, BUT they go and they do their job because that’s what they signed up to do, at the needs of the Navy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry this is so long, I went over it for hours trying to see what can be left out or how I can shorten this or that but you know sometimes I just got to go with your heart and go with my heart I did!!!!! I have a huge favor from you my internet friends, would mind keeping my son and all of the others in your thoughts and prayers, please??? That would just mean the world to me to know that people that I have never laid eyes on nor you on me are hoping and praying for David to come back home to Caroline, Kayla and the rest of his family who all love him and are so proud of him!!!!!! Thanks for taking the time to read this, I’m sorry I know it’s long, a lot longer than I ever meant for it to be!!! Thanks again friends!! I haven’t been around to anyone’s blogs today but hope to catch up tomorrow.
Good night friends

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A whole of nothing.............

I’m not really sure what So-Co’s problem is today but she is bugging the crap out of me!!!!!!!!!!!! She has been out to potty and yes she did potty outside (so really I have no true reason to complain about her then correct???) she appears to be very clingy, big time!! Normally she is good to sit on my lap for a while just chilling and sleeping or watching or whatever it is she does all day. Today, she has been on my lap more than she’s been in her own chair, which is a hugely comfortable chair that normally she loves! So you say that’s not so bad? Well if she didn’t have to be right in my face, with her cheek smashed up against mine so I can’t see anything but beagle eyes, that’s what’s wrong. I’m normally calling her to come and sit with me and I love to snuggle with her but this having to stand on my lap and paws on shoulder and face smashed as hard as she can against mine, not so much fun!! I gently take her paws off my shoulders and sit her on my lap; she’ll be good like that for a short time. Then it’s back face to face with her tail wagging so fast I feel horribly guilty making her get down. So after allowing her to smash my face for a bit I put her in her chair, she jumps down, walks over to my recliner and sits there and whines and whines and if that doesn’t get my she howls!!! Now she knows I love her lil beagle howl and that she’ll get a rise out of me, I look at her and tell her to come up, right to my face all smashed up to hers!!! Got to love me some beagle but come on girl!!!! Neediness isn’t always pretty!!!!!!
So they have been calling for that four letter word that all people of the south hate!!!!!!!! SNOW!!!! I have to say as much as I am a fan of huge snow storms I truly hope it doesn’t snow here. Why you ask???? Well because these crazy people here get all kinds of crazy and go and buy every loaf of bread and every single gallon of milk they can get their hands on!! I have no idea what they plan to do with that bread and milk should we have a huge storm and are snowed in for days upon days!! I mean really now!!! I went to the grocery store yesterday only because I wanted a few things, not really needed them only wanted them!!! You know you just gotta have some chocolate covered plums when the craving hits, you know?? If I hadn’t heard the weather before arriving at the store I’d have surely known there was the “threat” of that white stuff!! The place was crazy there was no milk to be had, not even regular ½ & ½ that Dave uses in his coffee, none!!! So please no one tell him that he’ll be using fat free ½ & ½. The lines were so long I had time to read the entire center story in US magazine about that crazy Amber chick from 16&pregnant on MTV. Man that is one crazy as hell chick if you haven’t seen that train wrecks of a show you really should like it up on the net! Too bad I don’t “own” that network that shares my initials!!! They should have had to pay me to name the network that considering those initials are MINE!!!!!
So do tell my friends do you use a PC or a Mac??? My laptop is really sick and is getting sicker by the day. I plan to replace it with another laptop and my hubby loves his Mac (and he works for a mega corporation that makes laptops) and has tried his best to get me to convert over the years. When we bought this laptop we went to buy me a new Mac laptop, but after seeing it was just a lil different than a PC I got scared and so nope give me that purdy lil pink Sony over there!!!! Fast forward about three years and the wonder people at Apple bring us that wonderful little iPad I’m so in love with!!!! I sure do love my iPad, all of my books are on I have games to play, you can text, you can make phone calls with certain apps and just all kinds of cool things. Too bad my iPad can’t play certain videos and certain games on Facebook, as well as print from it. If only that wonderful little piece of wonderment would do all of those things I’d say forget about replacing my laptop, if only!! So I’m now in the market for a new laptop I want a MAC, but just as I’m OK with replacing my laptop I get cold feet and am afraid that there really are major differences between Macs and PC’s and I’ll never be able to figure out how to use it, I’ll hate it and be stuck with something I have no clue how to use. So please do tell which one you use or prefer and why, are they truly as easy as hubby tells me or is he just trying to “sell” me on a Mac??????

I think hubby and I are addicted to Rice a Roni, you know the “San Fransico treat”!!!!!!! We’ve had it three times in less than a week. It’s just so yummy and easy as can be to make and I’m all about easy to make!!! I so don’t like to cook; hubby does a good bit of cooking around here. Mostly in the spring and summer; he is the master of the grill, oh man can he cook some yummy stuff on that thing!!! He really is a good cook inside the house too, but man does he make a huge ass mess when he cooks inside!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh does he make a huge mess, that so doesn’t even come close, uses every single pat, pan, dish, baking dish, cookie sheet anything he can find he uses. Then I get the “I cooked dinner you have to clean it up” deal from him. I bitch and moan and bitch and moan some more but too bad he won’t clean up, no matter how much I bitch that when I cook I clean, doesn’t matter to him. So I clean up his huge ass mess and try not to allow him to cook inside very often. OK, back to our Rice A Roni, I’m pretty sure it’s not exactly the healthier thing as a side dish but it meets my requirements, yummy, easy and we both like it. So is there anything that is quick and easy that you like a whole, whole lot and will eat it more than once a week?????? We may or may not have it a 4th time in a week, because we have leftovers of it tonight and depending on what we have for dinner tomorrow evening Rice A Roni just may be on the menu once again!!! OK gotta run one of my mindless TV shows is on, “Sara Palin’s Alaska”. I sure do love me some reality shows, I like just about anyone on Bravo and TLC, I do like some of the VH1’s too, I don’t like really any on MTV accept 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom. I also love me some court TV shows, not the real “Court TV” but the Judge Judy’s and Judge Mathis and those type oh hell yeah I sit around all day and watch that crap while reading or playing on the net!!! Yes I have such a full life but it affords me plenty of time to watch what hubby calls “mindless TV”!!!! Oh, yeah BIG BROTHER oh me oh my, that is my most favorite show on this earth!!!!!!!!!! Stupid people doing, stupid stuff hell yeah but I love it!!!! OK off to go watch “Sara”. Also do tell your guilty pleasures with mindless TV too, because I can’t be the only person watching this crap!!!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Just another day in my life................

So I went to the doctors yesterday for this creeping crud I’ve had for a few weeks. I was lucky enough for my “cold” to turn into pneumonia in my left lung, just a small area so not terribly bad. Enough to make my short of breathe doing anything but sitting on my lazy butt, such is life!! I’m taking lots of medicines and I think the prednisone she gave has decreased some of the inflammation because my chest doesn’t feel as tight today as it has been. All good things, right??? Well one would think all good until they looked at my right lung, it has what they called a “mass” yesterday, but today when she called me with lab results she told me it calls it a “nodule”, basically something that shouldn’t be there no matter what they freaking want to call the dam thing if you ask me!!!!!! So I had several labs drawn the normal ones and then one called a “CEA” anyway it looks for “tumor load” in your body that maybe cancerous. My level came back very LOW, which makes me want to run and jump and say yippee, and all of that good stuff, but remember I’m a little SOB (no not son of a bitch, well that too but, short of breathe is what I was going for there). At some point after I’m over this little pneumonia I’ll have a CT scan and possibly a biopsy depending on exactly what they see. I feel better after getting the labs back but still am stressing a bit, I keep trying to remind myself that I’ve had two chest tubes in that lung as well as several blood clots that can cause scaring. All of which a plain old chest X-ray can’t truly distinguish between, so we wait and hope and pray and all of that good stuff!!!!!

OK, now on to some wonderful news on So-Co my famous beagle!!!!!!!!! Let me say I had a very long talk with her and told her that her peeing in the house was getting old as hell. She appears to understand what I’m saying. She tried to give me that crap about it being cold outside and or raining or snowing or any combo and how would I feel if I had to do my personal/private business outside in those conditions. I gently reminded her she was a D-O-G; she wasn’t impressed by me saying that. I made a deal with her if she would potty outside I drag myself outside with her each and every time I put her out. She seems to b e thinking this is a fabo idea, why you might ask????? Well first because she hasn’t had any more “accidents on purpose” in the house since the day of her post last week. I take that as a good sign she “gets it”. Don’t want to jinx us or anything like that but if I have to go out with this crazy dog each time to keep my carpets and my marriage healthy than that’s what I’ll do. I really think her “deal” is that she goes outside and just runs around and plays and sniffs to be sure no one that hasn’t supposed to be has been in her yard. I now let her out and allow her to run around a few minutes (if it’s not too cold or raining) then I say So-Co go potty, hurry lets go potty, she looks at me like I’m nuts but does follow through. It may take her a minute or three to find that right spot but she goes, so who cares, right?? Interestingly enough she has also taken it upon herself to bug me while I’m reading or playing around my computer to let me know she needs to go out!!!! She comes up and hits me with her paw, So-Co code for I need or want something, then runs to the top of the steps and waits for me to open the doggie gate and allow her downstairs. Baby steps, baby steps!! I just hope it all continues because you know I am sort of attached to my marriage and I have been enjoying clean carpets too!!! Her diet of a ½ c of green beans and a ½ c diet dog food seems to be going very well!! She had lost a good bit of weight, which was like 4 pounds or so a while back. Then I was in the hospital again for a while and she sort of somehow always seems to get off her diet during those times. I’m not sure how much she weighs right now but I know she’s too heavy because her clothes seem to be tight for the most part. Yes I said clothes, a girls gotta cover her goods up can’t be showing everything she has to the world out there!!! I’ve asked her to save herself for marriage or at least try to do so!! I know she’s not hugely over weight but I know beagles tend to gain as they get older and I don’t want her to have to lug around any extra weight than she has to, as for us humans it’s not very good for us. Me included but heck that’s a whole nether story in itself!!!

Since this seems to be an update post I might as well also mention that I asked the doctor yesterday for some “nut-nut” meds, OK, first of all I mean this in a jokingly way only!!!!!!!!! I do take mental health very seriously as one should, it just makes me feel better to call it that and since it’s my blog I can. So with that said she gave me a script for Zoloft, anyone out there ever tried it???? Feel free to give me any info, good, bad or the ugly. I’ve never really taken anything like this. Back when our son was deployed I did take Ativan everyone once in a while when I just couldn’t turn my mind off or when we hadn’t heard from him in several days and my crazy mind played horrible tricks on me. So we’ll see if it does anything for me, I suppose it may take a week or two or three before I really notice any difference. If I don’t feel any different in about a month or so I’ll just go back and see what else we could change it to or maybe even just not take anything we’ll see what happens. I will be sure that I cover all of that with my doctor first. You know sometimes doctors have no sense of humor when it comes to a non-compliant patient, I don’t understand why, NOT, it would bug me too!!!

OK my little friends I’m finished rambling along here, but before I close I’m sure interested to know who from Russia and Denmark have been reading my blog!!!! Mainly just because I’m being nosey, but also because I think it’s pretty cool that someone all the way over there found my lil ole blog in SC!!!! Have a wonderful weekend, stay warm my friends in the cold parts and the ones in the warm well I guess even though I’m jealous you enjoy your warmness!!!! They say we may get a little of the white stuff, all it will do is make a huge mess of traffic and the grocery stores I’m sure!!!!
Pictured above So-Co in nite-nite shirt!!! You know you love a nice dressed beagle!!! Go ahead and admit it, I'll wait!!!!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Come out, come out where ever you are!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, my name is Marie, what's yours????????? I'm looking at my stats I have several sight views but no comments, wonder why?? Also interestingly enough I've had three views from Russia and five from Demark. So my internet friends please do speak up!!! I really don't bit!!! Sure I have a big mouth and sort cuss more than I maybe should but bit, nope haven't bitten anyone in years!!!!!!!! Like since the last time my mother told me if I were to bit anyone else she would take me to the dentist to have my teeth pulled!!! Um, OK i'll not bit anyone else!! So if you come to my crazy boring blog just leave me a quick hi, my name is, and I'm from would work for me, got it?? OK!! If you also have a blog leave me the information I'm always looking for more reading material.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I have had a very lazy day today for the most part I sat around and watched the steam cleaners clean our carpet. Man thoe guys can vaccum a house like no body's business!!!!! I asked the one guy if I could hire him for vaccuming alone. He said sorry that was his least favorite part of his job. So I'm guessing that's a no! I truly have no plans for the rest of this week for the most part. Really that'a not so true now that I think about it, I have a doctors appointment for this crud I've been fighting for over two weeks now. I sort of thought that since I can't breath very well upon laying down and coughing it just might be time be get it checked out!! The up side of this???????? I have to drive right past a Starbucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just going to have to stop in there, you know to make me feel better and all!!! OK, you know what you have to do, I'm going to jump in bed and cuddle with my lil beagle and watch a little TV, mindless TV of course!!! Good night internet friends!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Caroline Nicole

So as you might have guessed by now we have a new grandchild as of June 10, 2010!!!!! Everything anyone has ever told me about how wonderful grand kids are didn’t even come close to house I feel about this lil girl!!!!!! Much to my sorrow due my health issues and recent blood clots I wasn’t able to fly to HI. That was a rough time for me, I so wanted to be there for our son and daughter in law, I’m so glad they were both so understanding as to why we couldn’t go. I wanted hubby to go, but he said he wasn’t going without me, he’d see her for the first time with me!!!! Now do I have a wonderful hubby or what??? I spoke to the kids by phone daily sometimes more than that but I still felt as if something was missing. People sent us congrats cards and best wishes and all of that good stuff, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I truly was a grand mom or in my case a “Me-Me”!!!!! Sure I sent lots of stuff to them had a baby shower while in NJ via Skype, but still it didn’t seem real. I had to get my hands on that baby and once his orders were ready and he knew he was going to Norfolk, VA only a 5.5 hour drive from here I was about to burst!!!!! It about killed me waiting for firm dates as to when they’d be arriving in Norfolk, you now the military they are on their own time plan!!!!!!!!! We finally get word they are coming in on November 6, wonderful, what a fabo 27 wedding present!!!!!!
We were up bright and early on Saturday November 6 and headed to the airport, where it seemed as if I had been waiting an externality for them to get off the plane!!!! Couldn’t they let them off first???? They should have known a crazy first time me-I was waiting to see her baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I spotted the kids first, dragging looking tired as can be and then a sweet lil girl in Kayla’s arms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She handed me that lil girl and my heart melted and tears came and came and came some more!!!!! I did finally hug the kids too, but I had what I had been waiting forever for!!!! She is a sweet lil baby, our daughter in law Kayla is a wonderful mom!!!!!!!!!!!! She just impresses me big time, she’s a first time mom and I swear if I didn’t know it I’d not believe it. She has the most patience of anyone I’ve ever seen; she is just a fabo mom!!!! We are so proud of her!!!! Our son is truly a first time daddy!!!! He changes nasty diapers and all but gags doing so, oh well such is life!!! He gets so excited any time she does something new, he worries over every little thing, his eyes just light up when he walks in the room and she smiles at him, just melts my heart!!!! I’m so proud of those kids it’s not even funny!! I mean they got married, he deployed for nine months, he comes and she is pregnant with what everyone in the military calls a “post deployment baby”. They are way over in HI with no family, a few friends and a new baby, but they have done well, good, bad and ugly days, you know just life in general with a new baby in the house!
I knew I had fallen in love with that baby from photos but something was still missing until I got my hands on her, after that my friends as they say is history!!!! I so enjoyed her being here while they were on leave, I cried my eyes out when they left for her parents house each Monday. Knowing full well they would be back in just a week!! Didn’t matter to me I was going to miss my sweet lil Caroline!!! The day the left “for good” to move into their apartment in Norfolk I cried like a baby for a couple of days, this knowing all along I’d be seeing her again in just about 3 weeks. None of that mattered I missed that sweet lil baby looking up at me while I feed her a bottle or just rock her nite-nite!!!!
So the count down from December 5th until December 22nd was still hard but I used my time wisely!!! I Christmas shopped!! A few days before we left the crazy weather people were talking about a huge snow storm coming up from GA to the north/east, a nor’easter!!!!!!!! Great, well at least it wasn’t to begin until Christmas evening around 7PM. Let’s just say for once they knew what they were talking about big time!!!!!!!!!! It began snowing lightly around 6:30 or so and didn’t stop until well into the following night. At our house in SC we only got a dusting but in Norfolk we got 14 inches if not more, we had winds greater than 35 miles an hour and just plain ole cold, cold and colder!!!!! Kayla was truly like a little kid at Christmas, you see she grew up not very far from where we currently live so she has never seen that much snow in her life. Too funny to see someone else so excited about the snow, I love it, and I miss it big time, hubby and son not so much!!!!! We thought we’d be snowed in, oh what a shame couldn’t be snowed in at a better place. Much to my sorrow hubby got my car out no problem on Monday afternoon, the roads weren’t to very bad, but icy enough until we hit the interstate. Of course the drive home brought lots of tears from me. Of course I knew I was again going to see her in just a few short weeks but that didn’t matter, I missed that sweet baby!!!! To be exact we’ll be going back on February 2, 2011, our son is re-enlisting in the Navy and we are going up for the ceremony. Being a me-me is the most fabo job I’ve ever had, I don’t ever want to be fired!!!! Ha ha, I tell Kayla every time we see them if I’m taking too much time away from you and Caroline, jump in and tell me to give you back your child!!!! She laughed and said she doesn’t mind getting up with and doing anything that Caroline needs (well except for a bath, that’s daddy’s job!!!) but it’s nice to have a break!!!! There is nothing better than rocking a sweet lil baby just out of a bath, seeing her look up at me with those sweet lil blue eyes melts my heart and the nothing is more important at that very moment!!!
It was wonderful spending Christmas with the kids, my oldest sister drove down from NJ and had plans to stay until the following day but since the snow was coming she left shortly after dinner. That was sad but the very fact that she got to come was just fabo, just fabo!!!!! She figured it had been at least 20 years since her and I had spent a Christmas together, maybe even more than that. My last Christmas in NJ was in 1987, my mother had just had a stroke in July of that year and we had had our daughter in May of that year also. I really “needed” to spend Christmas with family this year it just felt so good. I’ve sort of had a hard time with Christmas since Christmas of 2007. My mother passed away on December 4, 2007. We had moved her to SC with us and we were still in our old home in Greenville, SC, I had such huge plans for Christmas in our new home with my mom. That was not to be she took a turn for the worse shortly after Thanksgiving and passed away just three days after we closed on our new home. That year was also the first year our son wouldn’t be home for Christmas, he was newly stationed in Pearl Harbor, HI. It was truly the hardest holiday I have ever spent, I should have been happy, we had our dream house, we wanted for nothing material. Thanks to my fabo kids, hubby and sisters we all made it through the holidays that year. I promised myself I would “do better” next year; I’d have a tree, put up all of these brand new decorations I had purchased just for the new home!! Christmas season 2008 begins and our son is deployed in Iraq!! How in the freaking hell am I to be all happy and joyous as can be when mean people are shooting at our son???????? Pretty hard year again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Again thanks to fabo family and friends I made it through the holiday season. Looking forward to “next” Christmas which would be Christmas of 2009, our son was safely home from Iraq, happy, healthy and all in one piece!!!!! Why oh why did I not get around to the tree and of all that good stuff that year?????? I had just happened to come home from the hospital two days before the kids came from HI to visit. I had been in about five weeks or so, I was in no way, shape or form up to doing the whole “deal”!!! I was so happy the kids were here, my sister even came for a few days when I first came home, so it was all great, except that I was so weak I couldn’t sit up for more than an hour without feeling as if I’d pass out. Everyone offered to do the “deed” of decorating, and that would have been such a nice thing for them to do for me, maybe even help me “feel” better. My only thoughts were, “if they put all of the crap up, I’ll have to take it all down at some point”. At that very minute I just couldn’t see how in the world I’d be able to do that so I passed on the offer. My sister did bring me small tree which she left in case I wanted just something “little”. I never did put it up, Christmas day is quickly approaching and we have so not even thought about the meal for that day, our daughter is a paramedic and was working that day, Kayla’s family lives a good 2.5 hours from us and I just didn’t see us having a huge meal to begin with not to mention I didn’t want the kids to have to try to split the day between families. We solved that issue by ordering pizza for dinner Christmas Eve and they left early Christmas morning for her parents. I don’t even know what hubby and I did for dinner that day. Fast forward to this year, well if you read my last post, I just didn’t have the energy nor desire to decorate, such a baby me-me!!!! Then I began rationalizing my reason for not doing any decorating was the fact that we weren’t going to be home for Christmas, so why bother????? So we’ll see what happens next year, I truly hope I’m in a better frame of mind and get that decorating bug and just “do it up right”!!!!!!!!!!! So that’s my story, excuse, reason whatever for not decorating, next year I just may have to I sure don’t want Caroline growing up thinking her me-me is lazy and doesn’t have a Christmas tree and all do I????? Heck no way, so we’ll see!!!! You know what they say about best laid plans and all!!!!!!!!! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and thanks for hanging around to read this crap I ramble out after being such a slack blogger for so very long!!! New Year new plans!!!!!!! Have a great rest of your day!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year!!!

We all ask the same questions, why does time seem to fly the older we get??? Who knows but I know it sure does fly!! I mean if I stop and really think about (which I try not to because it gives me a huge headache)it doesn't seem possible that we have a son who is not only married but married with a sweet lil baby girl!!!!! Then our daughter is all finished with school and working in the big bad world as a real grown up, apartment and all. I have to remind myself that yes I am 48 years old and yes I've been married for 27 years now. When did I grow up??? Well let's not ask hubby that because he just may say I haven't done so yet!!! Such is life.

So it's a new year and everyone are making all of these promises to do better and such, not me, why bother, ha ha!!! Although I do want to make a better effort to do more with my life on a day to day basis. Back when I worked I was into my job and raising our kids I didn't have a chance to take a deep breath at times. Then I got sick and things settled somewhat, no more work. Our kids and my health became my number one job everyday!! Then a funny thing happened along the way. Our kids graduated high school and went off to college and then off to the real world. I sort of kept busy going to lunch with friends and hubby when he was not traveling, all was good. I missed the kids but often looked so forward to them coming home on break, then with the same eagerness I often looked forward to them going back. Then my house was nice and clean and peaceful again, and I was sad!!!!!!!! I spent large parts of their break worrying about the house being messy and dishes in the sink and the noise level oh my!!! Then they would leave and I'd feel bad that I wasn't truly "present" while they were home. Fast forward to this past November our son is being transfer from Pearl Harbor HI to Norfolk, we agree to pick up his two personal dogs a few days before the kids and baby are to arrive. Oh my we already have two dogs of our own, now I have a huge German Shepard and a lil weenie dog too. No problem everyone gets along great, we have a huge back yard dogs are all happy!!! Then a few days later we pick up our and daughter and baby, they had 45 days leave!!!!!!!!!! Kayla is from a town about 2.5 hours from us so they took turns spending a week here and a week and back and fourth, it was wonderful!!!! I made myself promise not to worry about messes, I mean I had already missed out on Caroline's first 5.5 months of life and I wasn't about to miss anymore if I could help it!! It was tough at times our house was pretty messy often but you know what? I couldn't have cared less. I enjoyed my time with everyone and tuned the mess out. When they left each Monday for her parents house I spent that Monday cleaning my house, no biggie, I lived through it!!!! We all had a wonderful visit and made great memories. So now what have I got to bitch about now??? Well you see, I sort of feel as if I'm in a slump maybe??? Who knows all I know is most days I don't go any where, just don't feel like dealing with getting ready and dressed to go out. Hubby travels often and that leaves me home alone for sometimes a week at a time. So I've gotten myself into a slump of where I don't care to go any where nor do anything. Yeah sure I have good days and bad days but that's nothing new, next month on the 20Th I'll have been battling my kidney/bladder issues for 17 years, so nothing new there. I find myself wanting to sleep late because of course then there is less time in the day for me to sit around here with nothing to do. I have no clue how I got into this slump nor how long it's been going on. I'd guess for at least a year maybe, I think I can trace it back to my huge ugly surgery in November of 2009 where I had my urostomy. I just don't have the energy or desire to do anything. I hate, I can see myself doing it but don't know how to change it. When the kids were here everyday I was up 8:30 or so as I used to do daily. But once they are gone I'm back to my slackness. I clean my house but not as often or as well as I once did. So my friends I have a fabo life, an even more fabo hubby, great kids a great daughter in law who loves our son and is a fabo mom to our grand daughter, proud mom of a son serving in the US Navy, a daughter who has her dream job, her dream apartment and all of that good stuff. So why oh why do I feel like a slug????? I've never been one to be depressed, often times in the beginning of my illness my physician would ask if I needed to talk to someone or if I felt as if I needed meds, my reply was "no I'm good for now". So am I depressed or just lazy or just have no energy for no reason??????????? Of course there are many reasons I don't have as much energy as I used to, years of a chronic illness will do that to you. So my friends any suggestions???? Ever feel this way, what did you do about it????? I'm not talking about the energy to run 10 miles a day but I'd like to have the energy to get out of bed every day and not dread the next day each night before falling asleep. I feel as if my life is passing me by as I slug it off!! I've thought about making an appointment with my physician and see what she has to say, I feel really comfortable with her and don't feel as if she'll think I just have WWS (AKA Whiny Woman Syndrome) as some physicians (sorry to say this but....) of the male gender may think!!! So do I make an appointment with her or do I make an appointment to talk to someone or both???? Any help would be great!!!! Thanks and hope everyone has a fabo year!!!!!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

So-Co Lucille needs your help, please..

OK, here's the deal I have a 4 year old beagle who has just happened to become unpotty trained!!!!!!!!!!!! Our house is all freaking CARPET!!!!!!!!!! I know I know sell the dog!!! um, no I'd have to sell the house first, my lil beags as I call her is bestest friend in the whole wide world!!!!!! Yup I have no friends that's why I have a blog, one that I can't even keep updated!! See why I have no friends???!!! OK back to "Southern Comfort" or AKA So-Co, Soie, beags and any combo of the that. She's really a good dog, hard headed as beagles come but good. She's been to what I call "boarding school", yup I'm a slacker and can't even train my own dogs!!! All of them have gone to boarding school, it's good for them and me, they go wild and crazy and come home all nice and trained. Let's not mention the beags had to stay for six LONG weeks not even getting a weekend pass for the first three weeks at that. Just a little hard headed!!! But I loves her as I tell my hubby who has a love - hate relationship with her. Here's what I've done so far to be sure I've covered it all, she's been to the vet no UTI or bladder/kidney issues (lucky dog!!!), she goes outside very often as in like every hour or two because she hears a leaf blowing and has to go check it out. When I see her do it I tell her no bad, and she does her "criminal" walk away like she knows what she did was wrong!!! I've had every inch of our carpet cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more thinking she still smells where she last pottied, no help!!! It's getting pretty pricey to keep doing that, but even pricer to replace all carpet which I plan to do if I can ever get her potty issues solved again!!! It's been since early spring or so she has started this. I just wonder if she's too interested in "playing" sniffing the back yard as if it's her J-O-B, to remember to potty when she goes outside. Is this possible???? I have noticed if I go outside and tell her to go potty she'll run off the patio and walk around a second or two and potty. So does this mean that I have to go outside with her every single time to be sure she goes???? The other thing is it's been really cold here (for the southerners here not us transplants)and she HATES the cold so I know that has some to do with it but it didn't have any bearing this summer/spring. I don't know what to do with her!! Hubby is pissed off at her, I mean it's only right considering our house is barely three years old and all!!! HA HA poor beags!!!!!! Oh yeah back to what I do to insure no potty accidents, I take her out as soon as her feet her hit the floor every morning, every single time she wakes up from a nap, right before and shortly after she eats, if she's been in her crate while I'm gone she goes straight to the door as soon as I let her out. Please don't hate because I use a crate!! I know some people think it's horrible, but frankly I don't, she loves her crate as a matter of fact she has two of them, one on each floor of our house. The door stays open for her to go in and out of it as she pleases and often times if she's not upstairs in HER chair, she's in her crate downstairs by her own accord. I also don't allow her out of my sight much at all. If I'm upstairs she's baby crated in whatever room I'm in. The only time we ever use the downstairs to our house is if we are outside on the patio and backyard or in the kitchen eating, she knows she's not allowed on any furniture downstairs so she goes to her comfy crate and chills while I cook and we eat, unless of course she's right under foot as I do so!! So I'm out of a plan for her, any help would be great!! Oh yeah it's pee-pee she blesses us with on the carpet, of course huh?? Just this very minute I went to free her from her time out in her crate downstairs all alone because I had let her out and she ran to the grass and came back to the door, so I thought she had gone potty earlier, but once she came in and walked over to the carpet and pee-peeed I realized I could be incorrect on that very fact, ha ha!!! My fault of course!! So since I saw her do it, she got a time out for it, as I said if I don't see her do it, I've been told I shouldn't punish her for it since she may not remember or know exactly what she's been punished for, is that correct????? OK, so I freed her after about an hour or in which she could have most likely cared less considering she was all nice and comfy in her crate. I let her out and walked off the patio with her and told her to go potty. She ran around a few minutes and stoped and um pooped, yeah good girl, you are such a good girl all kinds of praise goes to her!!! Then she runs across the patio to the other side of the yard and then stops and pees!!!!! Yeah good girl mommy so proud of you, good girl!!!!! She comes running to me all excited and giving kisses and all. So you see I think she knows what is right and what is wrong but she still seems to do as she pleases!!! I suppose I could go outside each and every time she does if that fixes it, maybe after a while she'll get it again and I won't have to. But of course if you folks have any suggestions I would surely try them. Oh yeah, anyone wondering how or why she got her name? Well can we just say she started out as our son's dog his senior year of college. I had always wanted a beagle, love the howl, bark and just general cuteness of them!!! So knowing he is going in the Navy after college he still gets her, well we all know the rest of that story huh??? So the very fact that he was a college student and her real name is Southern Comfort" we can guess what his drink of choice at the time was can't we??? ha ha!!! Considering she began life in our family as "his" dog and he is now a K-9 officer in the Navy I tell him his dog us unruly, his response is well, "preachers kids are often unruly so I guess it's only par for a dog handler to have an unruly dog!!! On that note So-Co Lucille and I both thank you very much for your help!!!! Above is a photo of my fabo beags, see why I love her so much????? Oh yeah she likes to dress up too, and I do put a jacket on her to go out and potty when it's really cold, see how much me loves her???? Happy New Year everyone!!!!!