Thanks for stopping by!

Just a lil FYI......I write here for me and me only. I hope to use this space to help me remember the good, the bad and the ugly!!! I may also voice my feelings on a few things here and there, if you don't agree with them, cool and please do feel free to let me know. BUT....(there's always a "but" huh???) be nice these are MY feelings and thoughts and it's MY blog so again be nice!!! Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you will check back often as I'm really trying to make myself post more often. Sometimes just writing things down help to get things off my chest so to say, and it does me feel better.

Friday, October 9, 2009

This is way too cool, a new chapter in our life!!!!




That beautiful couple above are about to make Dave and I grandparents!!!!!!!!! We are so excited I can't stand it!!!! If I have to say so myself I think they'll make beautiful babies!!! They are excited beyond words, Kayla is excited, happy and SCARED to death, and David on the other hand is on cloud nine!!! He was so cute when he called me yesterday; I answered the phone the usual how are you doing/what are you doing, but before I could even say a word after he asked those questions he blurted out, "yeah um so Kayla's pregnant"!!!!! I was like no way sweeties are you kidding me????? He said nope she is just walking out of the doctor's office now. You could just hear the excitement bubbling in his voice. They have been married since August 8, 2008; he left for deployment less than a month later. He's been back since mid-August. I think they'll be great parents, David has always loved kids, when he was in high school and college he almost always worked as a life guard then as he got a little older he moved on to pool manager. He always had little kids follow him around both boys and girls, too cute!!! Some of the little girls cried when he finally went off to college, one said she was going to marry him when she grew up if he'd only wait for her!!! Too cute!!! He had patience for the little ones big time, he'd make them feel "all grown up" by giving them little tasks to do around the pool. On his day off he'd often go to the swim meets to see the kids swim, of course the kids thought he was the greatest ever for doing so. Funny thing is when he was a little boy he'd often follow the guards around as they did to him. They say history repeats itself, I suppose in lots of ways it does. My heart breaks that they are so very far away, so it's not as if I can just jump in my car and run over to see how her belly is growing or just take him to lunch on days he's stressed to the max over the impending birth, money, life or his job. I can't jump in my car and pick Kayla up and take her shopping for Prego lady clothes or baby clothes or just go to lunch and chill!!!! This breaks my heart, big time!!!! Here my friend’s history repeats itself once again, very close to home. Shortly after Dave and I were married we moved south. My parents baby-sat my niece and nephew, or for whatever reason it "just wasn't possible" for them to come and visit us more than once a year. Hell David was three months old before either set of grandparents laid eyes on him; it broke my heart and still does to this day, even more so now. Yes it was our choice to move far away from any and all family. Moving was not for selfish reasons at all, it was for a job for Dave, thank goodness it's been for the very best for us that we moved. But it still doesn't make it hurt any less. OK I'm getting off course here but anyway I really am hating they are so freaking dam far away. It's heart breaking to me!!!! I can tell you one thing I WILL BE THERE FOR THE BIRTH!!!!!!!!! I have to see my child child's, the day it is born, not months later. I totally understand why my parents couldn't be there, although it doesn't hurt any less. Maybe I’m being a huge baby over it, so be it. I/we are so very thankful Dave's career took us several hundred miles from where we grew up, it made us grow up. It was going to make or break us, we only had each other to rely on, nowhere to run when my feelings got hurt, it was too far, so I stayed at home with Dave and we worked it out. It's been almost 26 (November 5 it will be)and I truly believe if we hadn't moved far away we might not still be together, we were young and I was such a big baby and so loved running from what I didn't want to do, hear or see. It would have been so easy for me to run home had we still lived close to family, but we didn't and we made the best of it, we have two wonderful kids and a pretty good marriage if I must say so myself!!!!!! I keep trying to tell myself David and Kayla will do the same, it will be OK, there is UPS, Fed X and many other freight companies I can ship whatever it is I’d be purchasing for them had they been here, it's just not the same, damit all to hell and back!!!!! They will be at Pearl Harbor until October of 2010, possibly 2011 at the latest. We hope against all hope that they might get an east coast duty station after this, but nothing is promised when you work for good ole Uncle Sam. I have to say at least they have jobs and health coverage and all of that good stuff, so it could be much worse. I hate this has been sort of negative or back and forward negative and positive, but I’ve just had to get it off my chest, my fears, my memories of being so far away and not having my family anywhere near me when our first baby was born. I so didn't want that for my child, aren't you supposed to want better for your own kids???? Oh how I didn't want it to be this way!!!!!! OK enough of the negative stuff I’ve said it, it's out there. The most fab news there is, is we're going to be grandparents and life just couldn't be better. Only other news that even comes close was the news we were going to be parents ourselves!!!!! Who knew that when you had a child, you, yourself could one day become a grandparent? This is just way too cool!!!! Sorry this post is so all over the place but my brain works the way it does and sometimes it's all over the place. All this being said, sometime around May 27, 2010 we'll be in the great state of HI welcoming our very first grand baby!!!!!!!!!! I can honestly say at this point I couldn't less if it's a boy or a girl; healthy baby is all I can say I want at this point. Not that I may not change my mind later but today that's how I feel!!! Thanks for reading to the end of this all over the place post my friends. Have a wonderful weekend, it's going to rain here and we plan to stay home and just chill all weekend!!!!!! Sound good???? Oh yeah I made a huge pot of chili so we'd have food already cooked for the weekend too, yeah I’m pretty lazy or planning to be this weekend. Enjoy yours and tell me what your plans are.
Marie

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I met a blogger in real life today!!!!!

Today I had privilege of meeting a blogger I've been reading for several years now; she is just as cool in person as on her blog. It was a very nice afternoon of chatting and just hanging out. I got two meet three of her kids and of course they are just as cute if not cuter in person than the photos I’ve seen of them. I sure wish they didn't live on the "wrong" coast, I think we may have been able to hang out IRL if they did. This is my very first time meeting someone in person that I "met" first on-line, just too cool. I was nervous, one because I had never met blog in real life and even though you read someone for a long time you wonder how the conversation will flow and all of that good stuff!! The conversation had no problem flowing, that's for sure!!! Monkey (not real name) was a sweet, sweet person, very friendly and very REAL, which I truly liked. As a matter of fact I don't even remember how I found her blog so many years ago. I think it's been maybe five years I've been reading her, I so wish I could remember how or where I found her but I can't and so who cares I found. She is way cool!!! I enjoyed how laid back she was and just very real, I didn't have to worry about horribly foul mouth, did I say she is real already? Ha to say the least. As I mentioned she had three of the kids with her, a 15 year old teenage girl and two sweet, sweet little boys. The boys were so well behaved, the teenager wow sweet young lady for sure!!! She took great care of the little brothers so we could just chat and chat and chat some more!! None of this complaining, "Come on mom I wanna go, I don't want to deal with the boys", NONE of that ever came out of her mouth; she was a huge help to mom and just a sweet young lady to say the least. I drove about an hour away to Columbia, SC to meet them. We lived in Columbia at one time back in the late 90's, it wasn't exactly a city we enjoyed or ever got attached to. As a matter of fact we disliked it so much we moved there in August of 1997 and moved to Greenville, SC in October of 1998, just couldn't deal with it. The city has changed to say the least and I have to say for the better!! We met at a Cracker Barrel on a side of town where Dave's office once was, a very scary side of town. I was pleasantly surprised things had changed, the "mall" on that side of town still isn't much of a "mall", but then again we didn't go there for the mall. We had lunch and chatted for a bit, then moved on to the mall so the boys could enjoy the indoor play yard. Here again the teenager was more than helpful and took good care of the boys so we could just sit back and chat. It was a great meeting; I hope it was as good for them as me!! I have some photos but I want to ask before I post any. I also have to say this person I credit for me having a blog!!! I so enjoyed reading her the good, the bad and the ugly in her life and it just amazed me, she offered several times to help me begin a blog. I never took her up on it but as soon as my first post was up I emailed her and told her I finally took the big step and it was because of her!!!

Let's see what else is going on in my life. I've now been out of the hospital for 2.5 weeks now, I had a doctor's appointment for follow-up from that admission and what do you freaking know but I’ve gotten another infection brewing!!!!!! Damit it all to hell and back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So a culture was sent and I cross all of my fingers and toes and hope that it's sensitive to something by mouth because I’ve tired of being in the hospital, it sucks and not just the food!!!!!! I go next Tuesday for testing with the surgeon that may possibly be doing my surgery. Hell who am I kidding, who IS going to do my surgery, and I’d like to think I had a choice to do or not to do. I DO have a choice, but if I don't do it, well life is going to suck as it does now. Not to mention I stand a huge chance of losing my only kidney, then I’d be really fucked!!! So I suppose I will be having surgery at some point in time this coming winter!!! Most likely after the holidays. Why after the holidays??? Because David and Kayla are coming home for the holidays!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I can't stand it. We don't have dates yet, waiting on the good ole government to approve his leave dates, which he hopes will happen this week!! To say we are looking forward to seeing those kids doesn't even come close. It seems as if it's been forever since we've seen them both. It's been since June of 2008 for David and August of 2008 for Kayla. The down side to that is Melissa is working Christmas day!!! At first I was so upset and disappointed, now I think about it and am just happy and thankful my entire family will in one place again, even if not for Christmas day!! OK, I think that's about all for now, as I always say I’m going to try to post more often. Have a great rest of the week and I hope one day I am lucky enough to meet other bloggers in real life!!!!
Marie

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Such is life!

The very day after having a little more of my thumb chopped off I went to this "king of urology" at Wake Forrest University. The visit went well the physician was extremely nice, very concerned about how I felt about having surgery. Not to mention very carious as to how I got to where I am now. I laughed and said "well that makes two of us then!! I did get a good belly laugh out of him on that one. I didn't really learn anything new or really that exciting either for that matter. He took a lot of time with me, which truly impressed me, he was also concerned that I was at the appointment all by myself. Which I thought was very kind of him, I explained to him that my husband was traveling that week and since this was a last minute appointment there really wasn't any time to try to change his travel days. He even offered to have me call him and have him on a conference call for my appointment. Don't think I've ever come across a physician that kind. As I told my personal urologist he was very kind but it still doesn't make me want to have surgery!!!! Such is life though, it appears I'm going to have surgery anyway. I have no date yet I'm going back in early October for some tests, then I suppose we'll talk surgery dates, I could be wrong, we'll see. There are days that I feel as if I would be fine with the surgery and all that comes with it, so to say, then there are days when I am so pissed off that I am once again facing surgery! Again such is life and I can be as pissed off as I want to be but that isn't going to stop all of these infections and the fevers from hell, right? Right!!!!! I do have to admit these infections are getting closer and closer together, and since I'm pretty much resistant to all oral antibiotics, each new infection buys me a femoral line and at least 10 days of IV antibiotics in the hospital. I was just discharged from my last inpatient admission the very end of July. 10 days after being home I had another infection, I got really lucky with that one and was able to take oral medications to treat it. I finished up those medicines about three weeks ago if that long ago, was feeling OK, no blood, no fever, still pain but not horrible. My follow up appointment was Wednesday afternoon, wouldn't you know by Monday evening I begin having more flank pain, Tuesday I begin peeing blood and lots of, and oh great I could puke my guts up at any given second and the final blow came Wednesday morning, I wake up with a fever from hell,great, just freaking great!!!!!!!!!!! So I go to my appointment and of course I have lots of white cells and blood in urine, because I am so resistant to most antibiotics my physician is reluctant to just begin treating me. So he gives me two choices. 1) Be admitted that day and get a jump start on the infection or 2) go home and wait this out until Monday when the final culture results will be ready. Of course if I get to the point I'm puking my guts up and the pain isn't controlled with oral medications or my fever spikes higher than 101 I promised I'd call to be admitted. I really, really like my urologist, not many physicians would give the patient that much control, my first one sure didn't, it was his way or he had a freaking 2 year old temper tantrum, and no I'm not kidding nor stretching the truth even a little on this one! My fever is hanging around 100.9, I feel like total crap, I'm not puking but I'm not really eating or drinking either. My pain is bad but I can't justify being admitted just for pain control right now, maybe I just don't hurt bad enough right now, or maybe I'm just so used to dealing with horrible pain everyday I've gotten used to it, who knows. I just know this sucks, this is not the way I'd choose to live my life. The good news is that I have a totally supportive husband who will support whatever I choose to do as far as surgery goes. So in looking at things on the "bright side" this too shall pass. I have a feeling I'll be back in the hospital by the beginning of the week. If this happens it happens, if it doesn't and I'm able to treat my infection with oral antibiotics I'm a very lucky girl, agree?? OK enough crappy crap!!!
In other news in our house our daughter is back at home with for a short time. I love her more than life itself but................it's hard as hell to live with her!!!!!!!! Man I forgot what it was like to have to pick up after someone or to have "stuff" just laying around here and there, why oh why can't she just put her "stuff" where it belongs???????????? She is supposed to be saving her money to purchase a house of her own, I'm not so sure this is going to happen, only time will tell. She isn't really saving her money which makes me think she is so sure that Dave and I are going to begin paying for her apartment or housing or whatever she decides to do. I am here to tell you, oh she is so WRONG!!!!! Don't get me wrong we've put both of our kids through college and helped them get "started" in life, but once you finish college and you have an adult job you are so on your own!!! As it should be in my book. Of course we'll help her purchase large ticket items if she needs the help BUT, she has to "help us help her" (Dave's tag line) which I totally I agree with. If we keep shelling money out she'll keep "needing our help". As for the dogs in our home, that's another thing she isn't going to like, but such is life!!!!!!! When she moves she HAS to take her dog with her, he can no longer stay with us, he can come and visit when she does but other than that, nope I'm finished with him!!!!! You know I only began life with two thumbs and thanks to her dog I now only have one, a big reason he can't stay here any more!!! I'm afraid of him, he's a huge dog and I think he knows I'm afraid of him, he gives me a hard time not listening and just stands there looking at me like I speak a different language then he does. Does he do that crap to Dave or Melissa, HELL NO!!! I didn't "sign up" to care for him, I told her he could come here and visit and he hasn't freaking left!!! It's more than time for him to leave, don't you think????? I'm really worried about her keeping him to tell the truth, I'm so afraid he'll bite someone else. I don't know the ins and outs of "once a biter always a biter", but I do know I'm afraid of him and he stares my down when I tell him something, and I know that isn't good!!! Anyone care to enlighten me on that subject, please do tell, I'm really interested. But let me say this first, he still isn't living here any longer!! Man I must be a mean mom, again, "such is life"!!
If you've continued to read this rambling mess of a post, thanks!! I'm sort of all over the place sorry but my mind is sort like that right now too. I'm really going to try to post more often maybe I'll feel better getting stuff off my chest and it won't take me hours to write just one post. That's my plan, let's see if I can stick to it. Have a great week everyone and thanks again for taking your time to read.
Marie

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Does it ever end??????????????




Since the news I have to share about my thumb pretty much sucks, I'll begin with something wonderful first. David is back from Iraq!!!!!!!!!! He is back to his wife in HI and has been since this past weekend!!!!!!! This is one relived mom, that's for sure!! In other good news, Melissa is back home for a few weeks. We are looking for a small house for her to either rent or purchase. She needs to be closer to work and school, but her apartment just wasn't working out. She has a huge dog that needs lots of running room and an apartment just doesn't allow for that. We have a few leads on houses both to purchase and or rent. Something to lease or rent to own would be a good start for a young person just starting out. Hope we find her something soon she has a 2 plus hour drive from our house to work. When she works her normal shifts she only works two days one week and three the following. Which is great because if she had to drive that everyday, gas would eat her profits. Everyone and then she'll work a 48 hour shift, which is even less driving, she loves her job!! It is giving her a wide variety of experience for her nursing classes, which is good. I just hope she doesn't "burn-out" working as many hours as she is working right now as well as trying to go to school full time. She is one busy little girl. Well maybe not a little girl but my little girl anyway, no matter how old she gets 22 or 42!! Now on to the news that sucks!! I'm sure everyone remembers the dog bite back in early May, then the removal of part of my thumb at the end of May. Well the very tip of the thumb heals and then breaks open and bleeds. I thought this maybe due to the skin being so thin on the top and that with time it would heal and be fine. As time goes on this hasn't happened. The thumb is also very swollen still. So off to the hand surgeon I go, knowing full well something wasn't exactly right. I was so right but had no idea what the real deal was. It appears the jagged portion of the bone that was bitten off and then part of it was removed during surgery, has become jagged once again. Two pieces of that jagged bone has broken off and is trying to work it's way through the skin. Which explains why it heals and breaks open as well as the reason for it being so swollen three month after surgery! So on Friday I will have those pieces of the bone removed, I don't know how much more of the thumb I'll lose. If he can save the first knuckle I'll have a pin put in it, due to the break from the bite. My thumb was broken in three places one portion of that break was removed when he removed part of my thumb, another break has broken into pieces which will be removed an the final break is the knuckle that hasn't healed well, which is where he'll place the pin to hold it together. So that's how I'll be spending my Friday, sounds fun huh??? NOT!! Take care all.
Marie

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Where has the summer gone? Where has the time gone???

Wow, it's August already, where has time gone? Summer is my most favorite time of the year, I so love to tan, yeah I know it's not exactly "healthy" but one must have some bad habits. Hubby took a few days off early in the week, we thought about going away but the packing and unpacking and getting there and back just didn't seem to very appealing. So we strayed home and it was lots of fun, we didn't do much of anything, Dave does tons of yard work like he always does when he's off, then in the afternoons we chilled in the pool. That's my most favorite thing to do, the sun beating down on you and the cool pool water, oh just the most fab thing the world!!!! Then each evening he cooked our meals, well grilled our meals, they were most fab as always. Having a husband who cooks and enjoys doing so it just great, of course he prefers to cook on the grill, but hey it's always good so who cares how or where he cooks it, you know? I'm missing my kiddos something horrible!!!!!!!!!!! Our son is still awaiting a flight out of Iraq along with numerous other soldiers. It's been something like 8 days they have been waiting for a flight, there is always something that causes them not to get a flight out. Tomorrow well I suppose today since it's after midnight is his first anniversary, he's spent most of his first year of marriage deployed. I just hope and pray that he'll have many, many more happy anniversaries in which he is at home (where ever that may be)with his wife. I'm telling you it's got to be hard for her to be so freaking far away from anyone family or anyone she knows and it be your very first anniversary and your husband is in Iraq. Although it sucks, at least we can say he is safe at this minute and he will be back to the states safe and sound very soon, much sooner rather than later!!! Our daughter Melissa has a new full time job, and is still going to school full time. Needless to say she has no time for anything and that includes seeing her parents!!! My heart is breaking because I miss our kids. That sounds silly I'm sure, but it's been weeks since I've last seen Melissa at least two weeks before I was in the hospital and I'll have been home from there two weeks this Monday, so yeah it's been a long time, I miss her. I miss our son. I am thankful that they both are happy and safe and are being productive adults in jobs they both love. I suppose a parent really can't ask for much more than that huh?? For that, I am truly happy for them and feel blessed to have had the chance to raise two productive adults. Damit, I just wish they were both closer or could at least come for a visit, even a short visit would be great!! So that's where I am in my nice little boring life!! To add a little more stress to my life and make it not so boring I have a follow up with urologist on Monday, I suppose he'll give me the information about seeing the new surgeon who will possibly be doing my surgery. Some days I am so ready to go and have it done and move on and other days I'm dreading it and can find every single reason under the sun as to why I don't need, don't want, shouldn't have the surgery. I try very hard to make my mind walk away from those thoughts, it's not always easy. To say I'm stressed as hell doesn't even come close, I'm scared of everything that goes with surgery and then some. Seeing a new physician is also making my stress level increase a good bit as well. Once the surgery is over and I've recovered a good bit I'll be discharged back to my personal urologist, which makes me very happy, I really like him and feel as if I can trust him and talk to him about anything. He keeps assuring me that the surgeon he is sending me to is a good guy also and that he'll be just as easy to talk to and all of that good stuff, only time will tell!! OK, I'm out of here because I'm rambling like a crazy person, ha ha!!!!! I'm trying to come here and write more often, maybe get some of stress out and to use this as record of the time before during and after my surgery. Maybe one day I can help someone facing the surgery and same fears, issues, whatever, again only time will tell! Have a most wonderful weekend, I plan to have a very relaxed weekend spent floating around the pool.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Finally an update!!!!


OK, now that I feel semi-alive I can finally get an update out here, I’m so sorry friends I'm a slack blogger. OK, so let's see nothing major has been going on in my boring life, which is always good, right??? Our daughter has gotten a full time job and so loves being a paramedic and all of that good stuff. She is still in school for nursing but only part time now since they have offered her a full time job and are more than willing to pay for her schooling, yippee!!!! As for David, he could be back to the states any day now, we are on pins and needles awaiting word. He'll go back to CA for a short time then back to his wonderful wife in HI very soon, we all hope. The next order of plans are to figure out who is going where, are they coming here to visit or are we going there, no plans as of yet, except that we'll see him sooner rather than later and that in itself just makes me freaking day!!!! The dogs are great silly little things they are so much comfort and company to me, that's for sure!!! When I first came home from the hospital Dave (hubby)had some business travel and man those dogs just make my day when I'm home alone and feel poorly. They are most fab fur-babies that's for sure!!! OK now on to the reason I was in the hospital, I had a kidney infection and had gotten septic. I was only sick for a day before going to the physician
, he told me at that point he felt I'd be admitted by the weekend due to the fact that my pass infections have all grown bacterial that has been very resistant to oral antibiotics. He was in agreement with me, that it wouldn't hurt to try out patient as long as I was able to keep fluids and the medications down. Let's see that was Thursday, by Friday evening I knew I was headed to being admitted, I had thrown up numerous times Friday evening, couldn't keep anything down, which made for the pain off the charts. So Saturday later AM I gave up and called my physician, funny thing is he had just spoke to the folks at the hospital lab and was about to call me and tell me to head over there to be admitted because my cultures were growing three very resistant bacteria, nice!!! So I go over and of course because I have no veins I have a pick line put in, this time in my femoral artery. I've had so many IV's that I've scarred down every other place and to even put a central line is it's a huge chore. So all that was done by early evening I was settled in for the long haul. First vital sign check of the evening shift shows I have a fever of 104.7, nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! So after blood cultures and all of the normal stuff one has done with a huge fever spike, I'm given Tylenol, of course I puke my guts up and this goes on all night!!! By this point I'm a basket case because I've had little to no sleep in the 48 hours and all I can do is cry. Thank God I have a most fab physician, he sat and listened to me cry my eyes out from pure exhaustion, no judgment at all from him, just true concern and care from him. What a wonderful change from some past physicians!!! It is at this point he says more pain medication is needed to get my pain under better control and allow my to get some sleep, I so agree!!! Within two hours time he has ordered a PCA machine (patient control analgesic), I was able to push the bottom as needed and it also gave me a constant dose, sleep is a fabulous thing!!!!!! I had most fab nurses who remembered me from my past admissions to that floor and I can only say they take the best care of patients or at least me, that I've seen in a long time. Wonderful care in itself goes a long way when you are feeling poorly!!! As the days go by I am on the correct antibiotics but my fever continues to soar and climb rather than decline. A high fever makes you feel horrible in itself. After a little over a week my fever gets the memo it’s supposed to be history, I began feeling better, just from the fever being down in itself. After no fever for 48 hours I go from IV medications to oral, still feeling OK, 48 hours later it's home for me!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!! Couldn't have come a day sooner. I'm home and do feel much, much better than I did, but to say I feel great would be a huge lie. The fever has really sucked the energy from me big time. My physician said that it could take up to a week for each day my fever was so out of control for me to totally feel like I'm recovered. I have to say and I hate to complain that this infection sure has kicked my ass big time. I can't keep on doing this crap, I just can't. My body, my emotions, everything is taking a huge hit each time I develop another infection. I've known for a while that more surgery is needed sooner rather than later, that's for sure!!!!! I have had chats with my physician about "the big fix" for a while, not really interested in hearing what he has to say, that's for sure!!! After this huge infection kicking my ass and it just being a very short amount of time since my last hospital admission I have now finally come to the cross roads so to say and know that if I'd like to continue on this earth for and have any quality of life I need to bite the big one and at least go speak to the guys who do these surgeries every day and see what they have to offer me, before it's too late. I have a married son and a daughter we hope to see married or in a fulfilled relationship and I HAVE to be a part of those lives, I didn't struggle raising those kids with hubby to check out of this life mid-way through, you know?????????? So it might just be that I'll end up wearing a bag in which my pee empties into, yeah it sounds horrible, yes I still have a surgery or two to get me there, but I'm telling you now it's a whole lot fucking better out look than six feet under, you know???? Life is way to short and I'm not ready to check out of this game called LIFE right now, therefore I'll do what I have to on my part to stay in the game. Yes wearing a bag sounds like hell and all of that sucky stuff that goes along with it, but if you ask me looking up from six feet under sounds much worse. So more for me than anyone else here, I'm writing this to remind myself I do have a lot to live for and wearing a bag 24/7 just might not be such a bad thing, you know???? I'm sure I'll flip between feeling as I do now, ready to go, show me where to sign, get the OR ready, to oh hell no I am NOT wearing a freaking nasty bag of pee on my side. That's OK I'm sure they are all normal feeling and fears to be honest. I need to find others who have taken this trip before me and ask a few questions I have on my mind now and others I'm sure I'll have as the time grows near. So any suggestions on where to read, if you've been there done that, any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated, the only thing I ask is no one try to talk me out of this, it's hard enough to deal with myself trying to figure out every reason under the sun I don't need to have it done. I have a wonderfully supportive family, my husband, Dave is most fab, really he is, there are days I want to thump him but I know he truly loves me and wants only what's best for me and has been through hell and back with me and is willing to do it again, can't ask for a whole lot more you know???? Even after 26 years of being married and dating four years before that, I have a great guy, I do know that!!!! Our two kids are fab and will be here to do anything they can to help from near and far, our daughter in law is like a daughter to us and will be right there to do her part. I have fab sisters, who are ALL OLDER than me, ha ha but would do anything to help me from near or far, again can't ask for much more than that, you know???? Well maybe after that older comment they may want to slap me, but hey it isn't the first time, you know??? ha ha. OK I'm rambling now anyway so here is an update and a little note to me as well, that I'll need to come back and read over the next several roughs weeks, months however long. Thanks guys you are very supportive as well and I look forward to coming out on the other side of this surgery with all of you and my family too. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to post more often, I think it may help me emotionally for sure over the next how ever long this journey ends up being, I'm up for, big time!!!!! I go back to see my physician in about two weeks or so, in the mean time he is working on finding me a major medical center to have any fixes I may need. My physicians’ practice no longer does this type of surgery, I respect the fact that he and his partners can say that this type of surgery is best left up to folks who do several of these a week. It’s not like it’s a quick little fix and I’m in and out and all things considered he wants me to be at the best place possible, all things considered. I’m extremely thankful that I we have a health care system that allows me to pick up and go any place I or my physician feels best fits my needs. Along with that again I have to mention my most fab family, I know it can be stressful for Dave he is the only one here with me and that leaves a lot on his shoulders, he’s a great guy for the job!!! Melissa although working full time and attending school as well is only two hours away and has been wonderful dropping all in her life when asked to be us, for that I’m so very thankful. As for David and Kayla they are both with us in mind and spirit, I know they’d be here be our side if at all possible. I know I’ve said numerous times but my family is my rock, I’d never be able to do this without them. We’ve moved numerous times in our adult lives therefore we don’t have a whole lot in the sense of “friends”, which makes my families job that much harder, I am aware of that and so very, very thankful for them, sorry if I’ve gone on and on, I’m very thankful for my family and just slightly stressed about what the future holds for me medically. Oh yeah on a much lighter note, So-Co may fab beagle has had her photo in the local newspaper where my family lives, titled "Dog Days of Summer", such a cutie I must say, hope you enjoy her photo as much as I do!!!! I suppose we must have snapped the photo as she was waking up!!!!!
f rie

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Vacation photos






Hope you enjoy the puppy photos!! The beagle is my medic alert dog, "So-Co", the mini jack russell is "Brat" and the other jack russell is "Dakota". It seems the dog cousins had as much fun as the human sisters did while we were visiting the big state of NJ. It had been years since I'd been to Wildwood, the "shore" as Jersey people call it, is a wonderful place full of memories from my childhood. The sad thing is so much has changed it didn't really look like I remembered it looking, interesting huh? So did it change that much or did I just see it all from a child's eye view, inwhich life is great no matter what? Who knows all I know is I have wonderful memories of being there as a child and I now have wonferful memories of being there with my sister and our puppies this past spring, those will be wonderful memories for years to come as well!!! Hope you enjoyed our pups, we sort of like them um just a little, ha ha, well maybe a LOT!!!! Have a great week and I hope to be back here with another post in a day or so to update everyone on my thumb, maybe even a photo or two of it. FYI.....it doesn't look as bad as it did at one time!!!
Marie

Friday, June 26, 2009


That photo is of a tired Marie and an excited So-Co!! She saw her daddy in the back ground and was pulling to see him!! She did wonderful on our trip considering this was her very first ever flight. Of course we had to make things a little rough on both of us by having delays, but the good thing is we got there safe and sound and my sister was happily awaiting our arrival at the airport in Philly. I had forgotten that just because it's May it doesn't mean it's warm in NJ! Oh man oh man did I freeze my butt off, (well not really but it was chilly). We did lots of visiting and lots of chilling two of my most favorite things to do in the world. We took TWO, not one but TWO trips to the Jersey shore and oh was it most fabo! I so miss the "shore", as we call it up there. I know my southern friends call it the "beach" but not us northern people. I had lots of yummy food while there, my sister called for me several times, we ate REAL pizza, REAL cheese subs, Real chase steak subs oh man the food was most fabo as well. The bread up there, the pizza crust oh man oh man is it so good!!!!! Even though it was much chillier than So-Co and I are used to a good time was had by all, that's for sure. I'm really ready to go back this second! I was gone for a little over two weeks and if it weren't for me missing my hubby I'd have stayed longer, if my sister could have dealt with us there any longer! She was a most fabo hostess, fed me lots of yummy food. Took me on a "take your baby sister to work with you day". HA, well not exactly that but I did go to work with her a time or two and it was very entertaining to say the least. I could say a whole lot about it but since she needs her J-O-B, I'll keep my comments to myself. You might be wondering what type of job she has that would keep me truly entertained and the desire for more? Well, I'll tell you, she is a transit bus driver, and as far as I'm concerned doesn't get paid even close enough to what she should get for all of the stupid people and the stupid crap and comments that come out of her passenger mouths. It's takes a lot to render me speechless, and let me tell you listening to some of her passengers I was exactly that speechless, big time!! I also did learn a thing or two, most weren't legal but if I'm ever in need of free bus passes and the like I sure do know what to do or where to go to get said passes. I got to visit with other family members as well. As I said So-Co did most fabo on the plane she was a very good working dog. I was slightly surprised that so many TSA employees as well as airline staff have no clue what a "service dog" is and its purpose. Truly sad, but no fear I had So-Co's business cards on hand so that I could educate those people lacking in that department. I was a little concerned that So-Co would get a little freaked by the noise the plan makes as it's getting ready for takeoff, but not my smart little working beagle So-Co she did great!!!! Even the Capt. of that flight told me that she was a very well behaved service dog. I said thank you, we've worked hard with her as has her trainer. Now fast forward to our flight from Philly to Atlanta, that was a very, very, very small plane, to begin with. I was supposed to be upgraded to first class due to my service animal, the airlines policy, not my request, I'm too cheap! This leg of the flight there were no business class/first class seats open. I informed the head attendant that the airlines policy states I'm only to be seated in those areas. She didn't appear to care very much at all nor did she appear to enjoy her job, not sure which of the following made me feel this way, me over hearing her telling a co-worker that SO didn't want to deal with this stupid service animal that would be boarding the plane any second, (I had just walked onto the plane as she was bitching this to said co-worker, I assured her she'd not have to deal with my stupid service animal that I was very capable and that no service animal is stupid to being with and they go through major amounts of training!) So I get to my seat and what do I find but a young male in the aisle seat and an extremely large lady in the middle seat. Now let me back up and say I could stand to lose a few pounds myself and I know there are all kinds of issues surrounding why one maybe so large, I'm in no way making an issue of that. I am making an issue of the fact that, she was so large she truly needed to have purchased a second seat as most airlines require. She couldn't even use the seat belt with the extension on it. She took up as much room as she wanted to and didn't care for one second about how the young man sitting to her left felt nor how myself or So-Co felt. She moved around picked up her purse from the floor numerous times and just plain did as much as she could to make this an unpleasant trip for all four of us, yes So-Co counts too!!! She also smelled as if she hadn't had a shower in many, many weeks and trust me this is no exaggeration in the least and the more she moved the more we could smell her, and sorry maybe TMI but she smelled like pure dirty nasty ass that needed a good scrubbing and then some. She bitched to the attendant that my dog was getting fur all over her clothes and they were clean when she put them on, and now after the dog hair she'd have to have those dry cleaned now. Dry clean hell maybe bleach clean, maybe just toss them, truly that's how bad she smelled, horrible doesn't even come close. So she bitched to the attendant enough that they came by and asked me if I’d mind putting So-Co on the floor in front of my seat. That even though she was a "service dog" she wasn't providing me any service in the plane, therefore she'd be fine on the floor. To make things go as easy as possible for Miss
stinky pants, I agreed to put her in front of me, So-Co that is. After a few minutes So-Co is getting wound up and crying out and trying to jump up on my lap, very unlike her for sure. I happened to see why So-Co was trying to get off the floor and on my lap was because Miss Stinky pants was not only stomping on So-Co's little paw, she was smashing it as well, just like you'd drop a cig, step on it and then smash it out for sure. Oh by this time I was tears, and I asked Miss Stinky pants to stop doing that, she refused and in her broken English said, "oh hell no you bitch, this is bull shit, I have dog hair all over my new clothes and I'll have to have them cleaned, um OK you wore them, that's what normal people do, you know? Anyway she goes one step further to tell me that, "in her country" they eat dogs like mine. That was it I lost it, I called for the attendant as did people in the seats in front and in back of us, and said something had to be done, this couldn't keep going on. So they take Miss Stinky pants to the front of the plane and talk to her. They bring her back a few minutes later and asked the young man to trade places with Miss Stinky pants, so he'd sit next to me. He agreed, I apologized for him having to have dealt with that and he was fine with it, no worries from him. The people behind me didn't take it that easy and bitched at the attendants any time they came by about how unfair Miss Stinky pants was. Very nice of total strangers to come to you in your time of need!!! The flight finally got to Atlanta, the first thing I did was go speak to someone about how horrible the attendants handled my issue. They informed me they'd check into it and get back to me, I truly hope they will, because if I don't hear from them soon, I'll be calling them. So that's the scoop on our vacation, it truly was a most fabo vacation I loved being there, visiting, chilling, walking on the boardwalk at the shore, smelling the yummy salty sea air, oh man does that do a body good!!! Let's see now that brings me up until the day I got back from New Jersey, I had a follow up appointment about my dog bitten finger, it wasn't looking good the entire time I was on vacation but it also didn't look infected so we kept it clean and watched it. Much to my sorrow the thumb never did reattach as we wanted it to do. I had to have it removed down to just above the first knuckle, the entire nail is gone as well. It's healing very well, except in one place in which the skin was torn from the original bit. He told me before surgery he planned to remove as little as possible, the good thing there was I'd have most of my thumb left, the bad thing I may need to go back in and have a little more removed depending on how it healed. So we are presently at the "depending how it heals part", it sort of looks like it will need to be derided a bit since there is a part of my thumb tip that just isn't healing. He said if anything he'd just go in and cut that portion out and sew the two "clean" edges together. So we'll see what happens on that front on 7/7. He said that since it's not looking infected at the time he feels safe giving it a little more time to heal. Anything to save me from having to go back and have more thumb removed is good with me. So that pretty much brings you up to date with me, I know it's been a long time since I posted, I promise I'm going to try to do a better job of posting more. I have to say it does make me feel better to get stuff off of my chest her instead of letting it build up inside me. Still no for sure date for our son to be back from Iraq but we are hoping and praying that it'll be sooner, rather than later!! If you made it to the end of this post, congrats I owe you one. Maybe if I post more often I'd not have marathon posts! Enjoy the weekend my friends, life is way too short not too!!!
Labels: life, So-Co, thumb, vacation

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Thumb up date & Francesca's retirement



So it's now been a whole week since I've been bitten, my thumb is getting much better. I went to the hand surgeon today and he feels that my thumb is pretty savable. There is a very small area on the inside part of my thumb near the index finger that is still really hard and black. If I have to any part of my thumb removed it would be that part only. Wonderful news in my book!! I'm leaving for m trip on Friday and I'll be gone two weeks. I'm so very excited!! I'm only going to NJ to visit my sisters but heck it's still a vacation to me and I'm ready for a vacation of any kind!! I'm taking my beagle "Soie" with me, she has been trained as my medic alert dog, so where I go she goes!! Our Dalmatian "Francesca" has been my medic alert dog for almost 11 years, so it was time to just let her enjoy life and chill. So basically she is retired, she still loves to work and really doesn't like seeing my put Soie's pack on her, she knows that's her job. So for short trips I'll allow Francesca to work but she is getting older and has been a wonderful friend, partner, helper, therapist to me for many years. At this point in her 11 year old life she is queen bee and can just chill, although something tells me she'd much rather be still working. When Soie and I came home yesterday she sure got a once and twice and third over from Francesca, it was really cute, she came right up to Soie and it was almost as if she was asking "did you take good care of mommy today"? Which she did, considering she is very new at this she is catching on very quickly, yesterday was her VERY first trip to the grocery store and I wasn't sure how it would go but I have to say she was a very, very good young lady, never once acted as if she'd like to try one of everything she saw or smelled. It's truly amazing how once you put the "working collar,leash and pac" on, how you almost see her little brain "click" into work mode. Some of you maybe wondering why I have a medic alert dog, maybe not but just in case you are, here's the deal, OK? When we first got our second dal I was fairly newly sick by a just a few years, she and I become fast friends and couldn't stand being away from each other EVER. We knew we wanted her trained at least for "good manners" if not obedience training as well. We we told of a lady not far from us who trained service dogs of all kinds and pets as well. So we took Francesca to her, for boarding school, in which they stay in her kennel for three weeks only coming home on the weekends. We would drop her off on Sunday evening and pick her back up Friday afternoon and have a short session with the trainer going over things that needed practice and what new stuff she learned that week. After the second week the trainer asked if I was considered "disabled" by my physician, I told her I was indeed. She then told me that, that entitled me to a medic alert dog. So we thought about it while Francesca was home on break and told the trainer yes we'd like to pursue that. So after several more weeks or training in her kennel and our home, Francesca was a certified "medic alert dog". Registered with the state and all!! She has worked very hard for us in her 10 years or so. She's was have noticed was slowing down a bit and it seemed after long working periods of time she was "sore" and very tired, so we thought it was time to give her a rest and retire her. So we just happened to have a WILD beagle who our son got his next to last semester of college, (why he got her knowing he'd most likely going the Navy who knows, but I never tried to talk him out of it, I've always wanted a beagle and knew if he did go in I'd have my beagle!!!!) So retiring Francesca posed a slight issue if I wanted the continued support of a medic alert dog, so after talking with the trainer she said she'd give it a try but beagles are very hard headed but smart dogs and she'd give it her all and if after all of the training she didn't think Soie would "cut it" she'd tell me so. Well it took Soie a bit longer to catch on, mainly because she'd rather be into whatever is going on next top her, cause it seemed like more fun, and she'd rather walk with nose to the ground cause you never know when you'll find something good on the ground. Long story short, she finally has passed her certification and is now registered with the state as being my medic alert dog, has her PIN number as her identification, as well as her business cards and her plastic tag with her name, my name, her trainer's name and the state in which is registered in. We got her pac back yesterday with all of her patches on it and off we went to see just how she'd do, I do have to admit she did FAR BETTER than I even gave the poor girl credit for!!!!!! I was and am so proud of her, she obeyed every single command I gave, never tried to sample anything within her reach at the grocery store nor the pet shop, she was a very good young lady. I had her out working for about 3 or so hours and I'm proud of her to say the least. Tomorrow she and I will get on that big scary air plane and fly to New Jersey to spend some fun times with my sisters and just plain chill out!!!! So with that being said I'm going to end this rather rambling, boring post and begin getting my clothes together to be packed and ready to leave for the air port bright and early tomorrow AM. I doubt I'll have a chance to post or read your blogs, but once I get back I'll have lots of fun photos and I'll be able to report back just well Soie did on her very first EVER plane ride and how hard she worked while we were away!! Also, I really do read them almost daily I'm just a little slack at the commenting, but I'm trying to do better. My goal when I get back is post at least 4 times a week even if it's only a short one with a few photos and I plan to comment to each post you folks write. I mean come on you guys are way too kind to me and always leave comments so I need to do the polite thing and comment too! Some of you may wonder why I "need" a medic alert dog, I suppose it's a "want" at this point not so much as it is "need", but it's always nice to have with me, often times more as an emotional support dog rather than medic alert, but she does carry all of my medications in her pac, she has a list of my physicians and my conditions as well. As Kris has mentioned in a few posts it's hard for us at times because we "look as if nothing" is wrong with us on the outside, but if only they knew the pain we are in almost constantly, as well as if we were ever to hurt and needed medical attention and weren't able to give that information, my medic alert dog would have anything and everything they'd need. As well as she carries several sterile catheters in her pac for me and I'd surely hope that would "alert" medical folks that I "sort of don't have a real bladder or make them think twice before trying to stick something somewhere it shouldn't go. So I hope I didn't totally confuse you with my ramblings, as before feel free to ask any questions if I have the answer you'll get it from me, if not I'll try to find it deal? I hope everyone has a wonderful two weeks and is as medically stable as possible for them, you will all be in my thoughts and prayers!! I'll post a few days after I get back and get settled back into my non-vacation life!!! Take care all!!! I'd also like to share with you some "fruits of my labor" you could say, I've always helped my father with his garden but never had one of my own, this year I was determined to have at least a few tomato plants, so I planted four in huge pots on my patio. Upon checking in on them on Tuesday to much huge surprise I have at least three tiny tomatoes and several more flowering blooms, soon to have tomatoes as well. I am so proud of myself, as silly at it is but I can't wait to be albe to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I'll leave you with a few photos of my tomatoe plants!!
Marie

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Part two of my sucky story!!!! It's a long one too.

Part two to of my sucky story!!

The doctor told me I needed to keep the catheter in my new stoma for at least six weeks before removing it for good. I told him it was extremely slow to drain and not amount of flushing helped, he assured me all was OK. Even though the catheter came out a few days post-op and all he could get back in was a very tiny catheter. So I go into the office for the big day to remove the catheter and begin my several times a day emptying through the stoma. He did not bother to tell me what type, size, nothing as far as a catheter went, I suppose he thought since I worked at the hospital I knew or maybe he just didn't care!! I also need to back up a bit and add that right before this last surgery he had gotten a partner up to that point he'd been in practice alone. OK so back to the DAY from HELL, I go to lunch with a friend and drank way too much iced tea, I was slightly anxious to catheterize myself for the first to be begin with but in a public restroom, even more so. I tired and the catheter just wouldn't go in, I tired not to panic and thought OK I'm stressing too much about this. I left the restaurant went home and thought all would "work" at home, no need to worry about anyone hearing the opening of the catheter or me cursing. Nothing again, so I begin calling my nurse friends, both had the same thoughts as me CALL THE DR NOW!! So I did, he was stuck in traffic with his partner coming back from DUKE U for a conference. He didn't want me to go to the ER and have someone "mess up" (his words) his work. He told me he'd call me as he and his new partner got closer to the office, which ended up only being about 30 minutes but seemed much longer with a full bladder and the stress of "oh hell something isn't right, this can't be good". I go to the office and he begins poking any urological tool he could find in my stoma, all the while screaming at me, "what did you do to this, it worked for me this morning" (which in fact he NEVER even tried it before I left the office). He kept telling me and his partner he wasn't taking me back to surgery he was fixing "it" here, nice huh? I began to feel very badly for several reasons, mainly I to freaking pee like hell, I was tiring from all of the pain he was causing, they were pressing on my tummy like mad, and I was just plain scared as hell. The next thing I know he yells to his partner to take my over to the ER and get the OR ready, not thinking clearly at this point when he left the room I tried to stand up after getting off the table and I hit the floor. His partner NOT my doctor comes running in and helps me up and drags me to his car, all the while I'm now bleeding from the stoma like hell and my tummy is really hurting but not like I had to pee sort of hurt. I felt so bad at this point I couldn't be scared. So we get to the ER I over hear the his partner tell them to call the OR that they've ruptured something but I didn't hear the whole story, still not too concerned about much other than peeing, I didn't worry, how stupid of me!! So they take me to the OR, and revise the stoma and the conduit, I stay in CCU over night. I ask the next day what ruptured? I'm told oh nothing why would you ask that, I told him I over heard the conversation with the OR staff the day before, "oh nothing was ruptured you weren't feeling well you thought you heard that but didn't", OK I'm stupid I "bought that shit from him". So another recovery process and time goes by slow as hell, but I do recover and finally have the catheter removed and begin self cathing, not problems this time other than leakage. Which I had been telling him about since a few days post-op, I was told it was leaking because the catheter was in the stoma and it the stoma wasn't made to hold a catheter, so again I "bought the crap". Time goes by and I am soaked like crazy, he never offered any advice on what to do or what we could do to fix it, only that now it will take time to heal and then it'll stop leaking. UM no dumb ass it's still leaking after 13 year, wonder how long it takes to stop leaking??? Ha! As time is passing I'm still having infection after infection, I used a new catheter each time and was very sterile in doing the cathing, nothing helped. I also was dealing with a ton of right flank pain, just like I had when I had the obstructions of my ureter, I tell him this time after time, he blows me off telling me I just used to taking pain medicines and so my pain tolerance is very low at this point but I'll be OK soon. RIGHT! So I get brave and go for a second option, at a university hospital, I tell him the entire ordeal and ask him not to contact my doctor about my visit until I could tell him, he agreed. Only he lied and called him as soon as I left his office. So I get a hateful message from my doctor telling me he wants to see me RIGHT NOW!! So I head over there and he screams and yells and stomps his feet like a child because I second guessed him and if I'd only told him I was going for a second option he'd have not looked like the ass he did when he got the call. Can you see who he cared about more me or him own ego???? While at the second doctors he did some x-rays and found I did indeed have a blockage and he wanted to fix it, I was stupid and said no I'll go to my doctor right away and he'll take care of it. Let me back up the second doctor didn't really give me any information on what he'd do or not do, his main concern was getting the blockage opened and then go from there. Back at my doctor's office we talk about the obstruction and that he feels it will "pass" that it's not a true blockage, just mucus from my bladder refluxing and we could just watch it. As for pain meds, oh hell no he gave tordal, which is an anti inflammatory drug, didn't touch my pain, but if I mentioned pain he mentioned me being "too used to pain meds" deal again, whatever, ass if that was the case I'd have gotten narcotics from any doctor at the hospital, when you work in one you know who will give what, but I had such drug seeking behavior I NEVER once got pain meds from anyone other than him. By this time it's the fall of 1997 and there is talk my husband is going to be transferred, which would require me to see another doctor being we would be moving three plus hours away. I continued to have pain in my right flank, he continued to ignore it, every now and then he'd do some type of x-ray but tell me it was normal no blockage, this went on from mid-winter of 1998 until spring of that year, he finally agreed that something "might be wrong" and so I had one of many nephrostomy tubes put in through my back straight into the kidney, wow the pain is gone, except for the soreness from the tube. He says he plans to leave the tube in for a few weeks to give me pain relief, wow thought I didn't have any pain in his eyes, interesting to say the least!! So the tube is in for about 4 to 5 weeks at least, he then says he plans to "take a look" through the tube into the kidney and ureter in the OR just to prove there is no scarring and that I'm not truly hurting. I go to the OR and admitted over night because he had put a much larger tube in, in the OR (never could get a reason for that out of him)post-op I began to wake up and hurt and ask for pain meds, I'm told no I don't have anything ordered except Phenergan 12.5 mg IM every 4 to 6 hours. Oh man I hurt like hell, the nurse (who most of were my friends)called him numerous times to tell him my BP was out of the roof and they felt it was from being in pain, still no pain meds. Nice guy huh? The next day he comes in and screams at me for "bitching and asking for pain meds" I tried to tell him I never asked them to call him, he didn't believe me, too bad ass!! He then tells me to sit up and he rips the tube from my back and says OK call Dave you can go home. So through tears I call my husband and tell him what's going on since he left that AM to go to the office. He calls my doctor and tells him I'm really hurting and this can't be normal, he tells me husband "he isn't giving me anything that I'm too used to pain meds and my toloracne is way too low and it would only make me worse", yeah right!! We are told he found nothing to be causing my pain and that the only reason he can come up with is I'm addicted to pain meds and that's why I'm hurting deal, my husband tells him the deal about me being offered scripts of pain meds from other doctors but I've refused them, still says no. I finally recover from that mess and it's getting close to time for us to move, I begin thinking OK a new place, a new doctor will help find out what is going on and make stop thinking I'm nuts. Fast forward to August of 1997, we are moving and I begin feeling sick, infection sick, I have a 104 temp, so I go to the ER. I'm admitted with sepsis. The first thing they do is start an IV, then give pain meds and the a CT scan, wow what do you know I've got a huge blockage in my right kidney along with a nice abess. The new doctor is great but I don't complain much about my old doctor because you how doctors stick up for each other, well not this guy he bitched about my old doctor and said he needed to be stopped numerous times. He finally requests me old records, well guess who wouldn't give up my records??? You guessed correctly if you said my old doctor!! So they request just my x-ray reports from the hospital, and what do you know, I've had an obstruction every single time I had any x-ray in the past 6 plus months!!!! So I'm not crazy, (well the jury i still out on that one) I'm hurting for a reason and now my right kidney is basically dead and needs to be removed!! Great!! Thanks MPD, you ass!!! My new doctor wants me to recover some from the sepsis before any more surgery if that's possible, which ended up being so, he told he me he had no doubt that my pain was extremely horrible and provided me with pain meds and asked often if I needed refills, nice guy!! He also told me that from the x-ray reports he had gone over the best he could tell was that my kidney had been blocked on and off for over a year and totally blocked for at least six months. A few months later I had my kidney removed and began to do much better but continue to have massive infections!! But had great medical care the entire 18 months I was followed by that doctor. I was followed by him for only 18 months because my husband left the company he was transferred with and we moved again. Much to my surprise I found another great doctor more than willing to try to help me. He tried to revise my stoma/bladder twice it never worked it still leaks and I still have tons of infections and all of that crap!! Once again we move after about nine years. I spent many weeks in the hospital over that nine year period of time but having a great doctor seems to make things not so bad!!! We've been here a year and much to my surprise I found a wonderful doctor here, after going to see an ass first and leaving him sitting in the exam room, after I walked out but not before telling him I thought he was an ass!!!! During our year I've had many infections but again having a great doctor seems to make things much easier to deal with or so I tend to think!! There's some stuff I have left out during the nine year period of time before we moved here but I'll get into that another time. That was where and when I was developed SVC syndrome from blood clots and had a few clots in my lungs. If you haven't gotten either sick or hearing me bitch or just plain too bored to keep reading I thank you for listening, it's heart breaking and refreshing at the same time to get it out. This is the first time I've ever written it out, it feels odd, but needed to be let out!! There is some stuff going on with my neo-bladder that may cause me to have to have it removed and be faced with wearing a bag forever more, I don't like that idea much, but such us life you know? I've done many other things I said I'd never do so this too may be one of those too, only time will tell. Thanks again for all of your support. Feel free to ask any questions, I'll do my best to give you answers. When I get over this post I'll fill you all in on what's going on that could cause me to have my "fake (as I like to call it)bladder removed, but that might be a few days from now, gotta have a few happy posts after these last two downers!!! Good news flash I did get a phone call from our son, he is OK or as OK as he can be in a war zone, it was fab to hear his voice!!!!! He said they were extremely busy and he didn't know how long he'd be out on this mission he's been on for the last just about month. He's very much in "the danger zone" 24/7 right now, which anything can happen any where over there. He's not at his "normal" base camp, he's out in the middle of no where, which is why we haven't heard from him much. When he's at this normal base camp he has Internet and phones anytime he chooses to use them. We normally talk on MSN or something like that, and that has gotten me very spoiled talking to him daily!! Please think safe thoughts for him, if you are the praying type, an extra pray sure won't hurt him or his partner Uli, a 3 year German Sheppard!! Man's best friend huh??? Also good news in the fact that our daughter has gotten a "real job" it's only part time but she is going to nursing school so part time is good!! She's a paramedic right now. We are thrilled with her new job, it has to pay better than a life guard and swim coach, which is what she's been working as while in School!! So life is good!!!!! It's about to get really good too, I'm leaving in about 12 days to spend two weeks in NJ visiting my sisters and some other family!!!! I can't wait I'm ready for a vacation and not at "club med" which is what I call the hospital!! Oh yeah since I'm not really the type to "sue" someone I never did anything about that doctor's fuck ups, aren't I really nice????? Although I have heard through friends that still work there that he was indeed relieved when the seven year time period was up and I no longer had the "right to sue him"!! But knowing that was he was fearful was enough for me, money would be nice but it's not going to make me well so why bother, that's all I really would like. OK, now I'm just rambling so I'll close, thanks again for listening!!!! Have a great week and I have some pretty cool photos to share of my fur-babies enjoying the spring weather here!!!!
Marie

How I lost my bladder and right kidney!

OK, people this is gonna be a long one I hope to cover it all in one sitting but can't promise you that will happen. Get yourself some tea, a stiff drink, wine or whatever your drink of choice maybe, here goes!!! It was Febraury 23, 1996, I worked an eight hour evening shift, then I was begged to work the night eight hour shift from 11 PM to 7 AM. Had never in my life ever had a UTI, well as that night shift progressed I knew exactly what was happening, I was experiecing my very first UTI and I so didn't like it much!!!!! I got someone in the lab to run a UA for me and yup I was correct, so I was then off to find a physican to write me a script. Within hours of taking the first dose I began to feel much better! Great I got my first UTI and it was on it's way to being history, no issues, so I thought until a week later it was back and it was back with lots of blood, pain and tons of hell!!! So I call a urologist who just happened to be a good friend of ours. My husband and he scuba dove together and often went boating. Life seemed wonderful!! He said I just hadn't taken a long enough course of antibotics and that I'd be fine. Days passed and I wasn't fine at all, I couldn't pee and if I could it was pure blood, and lots of pain. Fever and other sucky sytomps that go with pylonephritis were making me feel horrible full force. So I'm admitted to the hospital and find I have a small kidney stone and that my urine culture grows MRSA, fucking great!! I get that horrible drug vancomycin and think I'm on my way to living life as before. Boy, if only I'd known how wrong I was at that time!! About a week after discharge all of the same crap is back, this time it's treated out patient. Time goes on and I have numerous infection after infection and am bleeding like crazy. So it's time for a cystoscopy in the operating room, "just in case". That was the first of many, many bladder resections and right urteral stent placements. This goes on from about April until September, I'd have the stent removed and think life was going back to "normal", not happening to say the least. By September I'd had bladder resections and stents approximately every two weeks, followed by hospital admissions a day or two following the stent removals and bladder recections. Let me back up a bit, I NEVER knew I was even having bladder resections until mid-November. In Septmeber I have a huge obstruction and he had a very hard time doing the bladder resection that time, so he calls my husband at home on a Saturnday morning to tell him that he really feels I have bladder cancer and he's about to make rounds and to tell me the same, nice!! So I freak for a few days until the path report comes back and says no cancer but no idea what's causing all of this crap. Nice, between that time and mid-Novemeber I had bladder resections and stent placements and removals approiximaltely every two weeks. During a hospital admission in November he tells me he has no bladder left to resect and that my bladder was about the size of a plum and it needed to come out, no other way to stop the bleeding. Oh great, wonderful I tell him I didn't even know I was having bladder resections to begin with, his reply, "oh I didn't want you to worry so I never told you", nice huh?? Guess that explains why I'd feel so dam bad after "just" a stent placement! So he informs I need to have my bladder removed and that he didn't plan to send me to a large teaching hospital because no one could "make a neo-bladder better than me". I should have freaking ran, and ran fast at that point but didn't!!!!!!!!! January comes and I have my surgery, all goes well I'm told. He was able to reconnect my bladder neck to the neo-bladder so I'd pee like a normal person before long, great!! I recover and am well for a while, no more bleeding but lots of right flank pain, lots of pain! As time goes on I become having issues with being incontinet, so I have a sort of bladder tack surgery, doesn't work, we go back and do it again, worse I'm almost never dry!! This brings us to August 1996, his "fix" for the leakage is to tie off the bladder neck and pull the pouch up to my umbilicus and make a catherizable stoma for me to empty the pouch. Great! Should have known it wasn't going to be good, when I end up with a puctured lung because he had to be the one to put my central line in, wouldn't allow someone more experieced, no way he could do everything BETTER than everyone else, remember? NOT!!! So during this hospital admission I not only have to deal with a body altering surgery, now I have to deal with chest tubes because my doctor was a hard headed ass and had to do it all himself!!! Great!!! So I slowly progress and am able to discharged. I am sent home with a cathiter in my bladder having the suprapubic tube removed during my hospital stay. It's a very slow recovering but determinded to recover and be a mom to my young kids keep me going as did a wonderful husband. OK, this harder emtionally than I planned on so I'm gonna stop here and post this much and then come back either later tonight or tomorrow and post the rest, sorry I just need to get a grip, casue the rest sucks even more than the crap so far. All I can say is FUCK YOU, you dumbass MPD!!!!! If you didn't guess those are my uroligsts intals. fucker is all I can say. OK I'll be back when my heart isn't racing and my eyes aren't tearing so badly, I hate this it sucks it still makes me feel this way all these years later, I swear that fucker shouldn't have a hold on my life!!! Sorry about the cursing but that's just me!!!!
Marie

Saturday, May 2, 2009

A whole bunch of nothing important!





Above Mikey the Golden)chilling! Francesca (the dal)taking a nap as well, then Sophie (the most fab mutt in the entire world, then the beagle S-Co chilling as well!! Enjoy!!!
Nothing major going on in our house for once, which is always great if you ask me. I have heard from our son twice in the last two days, that is wonderful!!! It's only been for a very few minutes each time but heck I'll take even a second on the phone with him. Just hearing his voice makes me feel so much better. I know he is a dangerous place and if I allow my mind to drift it goes to horrible thoughts so I've been trying to keep myself very busy when up to it. He sounded good but tired and said as much. His dog and he have been extremely busy, the dog has found many, many things that explosive dogs are trained to find, a good thing again but sure makes this mom's heart race thinking the only thing between something that could blow up a whole hell of a lot of crap is his DOG, a very good service dog that is. That's comforting as it can be. Melissa our daughter has gotten a part-time job as a paramedic, which is wonderful for our checkbook!!! We're so happy for her she's young like soon to be 21 in a few weeks and a lot of the EMS companies and county agencies require you to be 23 to drive the trucks. This county will allow her to be on the truck but not drive which is great. She is also going to nursing school and even though she'd have liked a full time job I don't see how that would workout. So needless to say we're happy for her and for her "getting a real job" present she got a new sofa and desk for her new apartment!! I got a fab deal at Good-will, the sofa is brand spanking new, still has the tag from the store it came from, it's recently gone out of business and I'm not sure how it got there but really don't care, just glad we got her a great deal! She still needs a dining room table, she has one but it's not in such great shape, but will do for now. She had no desk or sofa, only a recliner and coffee and end tables. So now other than a floor lamp she's good to go for now, the rest will be "wants, not "needs" as my hubby calls it!! Fur-babies are doing well, silly and crazy and full of energy I so I wish could bottle and use when needed for me!!! Medical-wise, I'm OK for now on the finishing up side of my latest antibiotic for the latest kidney infection and I do feel much, much better than I did, that's always a good thing!! Only about 11 more days before my big trip to NJ to see my sisters and to see about a head-stone for my mother's grave. I've been really slack on getting that ordered and put in place considering she's been gone a full year plus a few months. Not so sure she cares it's not there yet, you know? The one thing that is new this week is I went to the eye doctor to get another script for my contacts, well I knew my vision had been getting a little worse but man I didn't realize just how bad until my exam. I had to have both my bi-focal and my distance script increased. I went with the good old fashioned bi-focals this time since I only ever wear my glasses at home for like an hour or watching TV before bed or reading. The lady kept asking if I were sure I didn't want to stay with the progressive lens or whatever they call it, I told her no that I don't wear them enough to justify paying that much more for lens. Maybe I'll wish I had when they come back but such is life, I'll just have to "deal" with them for the next year, and you know I'm sure I've dealt with lots worse stuff in my life, you know? Anyway I can now see like crazy, I can see the alarm clock across the room, and the small print that goes across the bottom of the TV at times, it's been nice to see again!!! I just hope I don't mess up and either lose or rip the only pair of contacts they gave me until the ones I ordered arrive!!! OK I do believe that's all of the boring stuff going on in my life!! So I'll close by leaving you with some most fab cuteness! Have a great rest of what's left of the weekend!! I'll be back soon and hope to get "my story" written and posted before my big two week trip!! (But don't hold me to that time line, I'll do my best to make but I'll be slightly busy with doctor appointments and general stuff you do before a big trip.)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Meet my fur-babies






OK, it appears I've mastered adding photos to my blog, yeah me!! Now for introductions; the dal is Francesca, the beagle is So-Co (short for Southern Comfort, I didn't name her our son did while in college), the golden pup is Mikey, the most beautiful mutt ever is Sophie!!! So there you have my fur family, I'll get around to getting everyone else's photos up too but since I just posted about my fur-babies I had to get their photos out on the web!! Enjoy they are what makes me get out of bed on the days I feel the worse, they make me smile often and curse just as often, but wouldn't trade them for the world. They each have thier own little personality. OK, I could go on and on about these sweetie and I probably will often but it's 3:44 AM and I am feeling slightly sleepy so maybe I'll get a few hours of sleep, no doctor appointments today, wish I could say that for the rest of the week!! Coming soon, how or why I no longer have a "real bladder".
Have a great day!!
Marie

Sunday, April 26, 2009

No photos

OK, I'm really not having any luck getting my photos posted!!!!! I'll keep trying and maybe I'll get it right soon!!!! Stay tuned for photos of my fur-babies sooner, rather than later, I hope!!!
Marie

So much to say so little time! This might be a little long!!

Let's see if I can remember all the things that have kept me from blogging this past week. Doctor visits and vet visits, not a fun way to spend you week, I really don't like when one of my fu-babies are sick, they are so pitiful!!! OK, so as for why I had a doctors visit, same old same old another infection, lots of pain, lots of feeling like puking my guts up, you know all of that fun stuff. As for my poor fur-baby Francesca (my Dalmatian)had a huge abscess on her neck! I did notice a small hardness on the side of her neck but it didn't seem to bother her so I thought I'd just watch it, that was Thursday evening. I wake up Friday morning and realize she never woke me at 5 AM to eat as she does everyday, so I feed everyone and she isn't interested in her food, not good. I fill the water bowl with fresh cold water as I do numerous times a day and she is the first to get that yummy cold water, not interested in water either!!!!!! So the other three have finished and I put their bowls away and let them back outside and Francesca stays in, another sign all is not well, and I happen to notice she is now shivering and it's 75 degrees at least. I call the vet and they have me bring her in. She has a 104.8 temp, so not good!! I think they told me 101 would be about normal. So she looks at her neck and says she thinks it's an abscess and asked if she'd been in a fight or had any cuts, no. So she looks closely and says that she can feel an old scab. Then it hits me, her and our daughter's golden pup play non-stop and play rough at that!! She tried to drain it but it was too hard, so she gets an amitotic shot, pain medicine shot and pills of each for home and said if she isn't better by Sat she's have to lance the abscess. While driving home I thought back to last weekend and remembered that she and Mikey were playing really rough and I bet he might have scratched or nicked her neck a little and then it just healed over too fast and it became infected. Made sense to me! We weren't home four hours and I notice a little yellow drainage from where she tried to drain it, that was as Francesca was rolling all over our white carpet in the den, then I notice a large amount of yuckiness really coming out all over her, the carpet and now me!! Great it's draining, sucky it's draining on our white carpet, such is life, she feels better who cares, right? Right!! So long story to say she is much, much better and running around today as if she'd never felt bad at all!! Which makes me a happy person!!!! AS for my infection it'd be nice if it were that easy, wouldn't? But such us life. I can't say I feel a whole lot better as of today, my culture should be back by tomorrow afternoon so we'll know if I'll need a med change or not. I'm going to try to post pictures of Francesca and Mikey in this post hope it works!! Then I'll post pictures of the others in the next day or so; thought since I spoke of those two today it only fitting they get to be first!! I still need to sit down write "my story" as to how I ended up with my neo-bladder. So be looking for that post it was going to be my second post but you know what they say about best laid plans!! Have a great week!
Marie

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Two Posts in day?? Wow!

I need lots of help with this blog thing, k? I want to post pictures of my dogs, well I guess some of my family too, anyone who has the scoop on how to make that happen feel free to let me know OK?? For your hard work you will be rewarded with photos of my wonderful fur-kids and maybe even some of my human family. WARNING: I take far more photos of my fur-kids than anyone else who lives or doesn't live with me, you are warned, OK?? I don't have a problem with, and hope you won't either!! OK go back to your day and I'll do the same. Also thanks to all of you wonderful people who took the time to come and read my blog and even leave my comments!!!! It really made me smile!!! Thanks again!!!!
Marie

Time flies, even in my boring life.

You, know at times it seems the days drag by, but then there are times they freaking fly before you know it!! My plans were to post every single day, even if it was going to be a boring post, just post every day. My mind is every where and no where it's supposed to be either!!! Not sure if I mentioned or not but we have a son in the US Navy serving in Iraq right now with the Marines. It makes me crazier than I already am having him there!!! He's about to leave his present base and go into the "fields" tomorrow. That always makes me nervous to say the least! We are very lucky that we hear from him often and if we haven't heard from him his wife will pass on that she has. I've stopped watching any and all news since his deployment in September, because often times we don't know where he is and then we see that something has happened here or there and it's just too much to deal with. His emails are often very short because thanks to MSN we can chat early in the AM my time right before bed time for him, I love it!!! Well today I signed in and he tells me that a base right behind his has been hit!! Thank God he is OK but there were 16 Iraq's who aren't going home to family tonight and 50 more who have been hurt!!! This just breaks my heart!! I just want him home already!!!! I'm not writing this to start any type of discussion on the war and should we or shouldn't we do this or that, I respect everyone’s view point on the war and that's all I have to say about it. I guess I shouldn't have even mentioned it on here for fear of starting some type of "blog war", so not the case and so not me, so since this is my blog and it's my child in harms way I'm just writing to get it off my "chest" not to begin a "war forum". So changing the subject totally, spring has sprung here in South Carolina!!!!!!!! This is the time of year I am most thankful for living in the south. Just seeing the sun and all of the pretty blooming "things" makes me smile and we all need something to smile about, right? Nothing really new on the medical front for me right now, which can be a good thing. I really need to sit down and give my back "story" on how I went from having a bladder to not having one. Them everyone can feel free to ask all the questions you choose to, since I'm sure I'll be as confusing as hell trying to tell my "story"!! This is a question for my blog "friends", do people in your "real everyday life" read your blog? Do they know about it, did you tell them about it, did they just happen to find it one day, do tell please!! I haven't told anyone in my real life about my blog yet, not that I have anything to hide and honestly should I end up writing something about them, I'm the type of person I've already told them myself if I happen to have an "issue" with them or something they said or did, so it's not that I'm trying to hide, I just didn't really think about it until just now, do I tell or don't I tell? I mean they all know the boring details of crappy road to where I am medically so I don't want to bore them, but then again they are "big people" and if they get bored they can feel free to click that big red "X" in the right hand corner as I would if they were boring me, you know? OK I'm finished here, I've had nothing much to say and am just rambling on now, so stay tuned for "my story", can't promise you it will be fun but it just might be slightly interesting at the part where I talk about the law suit I won against my horrible employer, the very hospital all of my surgery was done in the "early years"!! Stay tuned!!!! Have a great and day if you've read this far thanks for staying awake to read my very boring post! I'll be back soon, I hope!
Marie

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Welcome to my very first blog posting!!!

I've been considering starting a blog for a while now, so here goes. I'm not sure if it's purse lazy as to why it's taken me so to begin one or fear, most likely both!! I normally have lots to say and speak my mind often! I'm one of those "people" who when asked a question I give my honest feelings on it, good, bad or indifferent. So you've been for warned OK? Please check back for future posts, where I'll be writing about my boring life and my heath issues and just life in general. Hope you'll come back often, should you have a question for me, don't be afraid to ask, I'm pretty open about my illness. I only ask you respect my space here, this blog is for me, if you don't agree with me, that's fine, just please don't attack me, OK? Now that's settled let's move on to my family. I'll give you the scoop on the people I'll be mentioning in my blog often, here goes. Dave. my husband, really and truly he is a wonderful husband, of course there are times he drives me nuttier than I am, if possible. I'd trade nothing for him, he's been here for me in good and bad times. He has refused to allow my illness to come between us. Although he supports me at all times, he also at times gives me that little push that I truly need at times. Basically after almost 26 years of marriage and 3.5 years of dating I'll keep him. David, Jr is our 24 year old son who is in the Navy as a K-9 dog handler, he's a great kid and we are so proud of him!!! At this time he is deployed with a Marine platoon in Iraq until at least September maybe October. He is married to a wonderful young lady, honestly I never thought I'd accept anyone who stole his heart from his mom, but she is a wonderful young lady and a plus to our family!!!! Her name is Kayla and she is living on base holding the "fort" down until David returns to the states and his home port of Pearl Harbor, HI. Let's see next would be Melissa, she is 21 years old and I'm telling you that kid keeps me on my toes to say the least!! She loves life and lives it to her fullest EVERY single day. She is truly a free spirit and an "old soul", so could have been born in the late 50's early 60's. She loves the outdoors and animals of all kinds. Which brings me to my next list of characters in my life - DOGS four of them!!! Let me begin by saying only one belongs to us, Francesca a 10 years old Dalmatian, great dog, crazy as can be. Next would be Sophie the sweetest mutt around, she is Melissa's dog, next would be So-Co (short for Southern Comfort, could you have guessed our son got her a puppy while still in college? Guess her name sort of gives that one away huh?) she's a very tiny beagle, about 11.5 inches tall and about 20 pounds, next in line comes Mikey a golden, he is a hand full at 75 plus pounds at 10 months old!! He belongs to Melissa too!! Francesca and So-Co are both certified medic alert dogs. Basically they have been trained to be with me at all times, although there are times I don't use either of them, but it's nice to know I can count on them if need be. Francesca is excellent at her job, So-Co has just recently returned to us from boarding school in which she was certified by her trainer. She has some learning to do, but is coming along nicely, when she is ready for full time "work" we'll retire Francesca since she has already put in 9 years. In case you were wondering Francesca will continue to live with us even after she retires. OK, I think this should give you a pretty fair idea of my family, check back later for more information on my illness and in's and out's my day, as well as the silly things my dogs do for attention, trust me they can be pretty entertaining at times!!!
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