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Just a lil FYI......I write here for me and me only. I hope to use this space to help me remember the good, the bad and the ugly!!! I may also voice my feelings on a few things here and there, if you don't agree with them, cool and please do feel free to let me know. BUT....(there's always a "but" huh???) be nice these are MY feelings and thoughts and it's MY blog so again be nice!!! Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you will check back often as I'm really trying to make myself post more often. Sometimes just writing things down help to get things off my chest so to say, and it does me feel better.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Finally an update!!!!

OK, now that I feel semi-alive I can finally get an update out here, I’m so sorry friends I'm a slack blogger. OK, so let's see nothing major has been going on in my boring life, which is always good, right??? Our daughter has gotten a full time job and so loves being a paramedic and all of that good stuff. She is still in school for nursing but only part time now since they have offered her a full time job and are more than willing to pay for her schooling, yippee!!!! As for David, he could be back to the states any day now, we are on pins and needles awaiting word. He'll go back to CA for a short time then back to his wonderful wife in HI very soon, we all hope. The next order of plans are to figure out who is going where, are they coming here to visit or are we going there, no plans as of yet, except that we'll see him sooner rather than later and that in itself just makes me freaking day!!!! The dogs are great silly little things they are so much comfort and company to me, that's for sure!!! When I first came home from the hospital Dave (hubby)had some business travel and man those dogs just make my day when I'm home alone and feel poorly. They are most fab fur-babies that's for sure!!! OK now on to the reason I was in the hospital, I had a kidney infection and had gotten septic. I was only sick for a day before going to the physician
, he told me at that point he felt I'd be admitted by the weekend due to the fact that my pass infections have all grown bacterial that has been very resistant to oral antibiotics. He was in agreement with me, that it wouldn't hurt to try out patient as long as I was able to keep fluids and the medications down. Let's see that was Thursday, by Friday evening I knew I was headed to being admitted, I had thrown up numerous times Friday evening, couldn't keep anything down, which made for the pain off the charts. So Saturday later AM I gave up and called my physician, funny thing is he had just spoke to the folks at the hospital lab and was about to call me and tell me to head over there to be admitted because my cultures were growing three very resistant bacteria, nice!!! So I go over and of course because I have no veins I have a pick line put in, this time in my femoral artery. I've had so many IV's that I've scarred down every other place and to even put a central line is it's a huge chore. So all that was done by early evening I was settled in for the long haul. First vital sign check of the evening shift shows I have a fever of 104.7, nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! So after blood cultures and all of the normal stuff one has done with a huge fever spike, I'm given Tylenol, of course I puke my guts up and this goes on all night!!! By this point I'm a basket case because I've had little to no sleep in the 48 hours and all I can do is cry. Thank God I have a most fab physician, he sat and listened to me cry my eyes out from pure exhaustion, no judgment at all from him, just true concern and care from him. What a wonderful change from some past physicians!!! It is at this point he says more pain medication is needed to get my pain under better control and allow my to get some sleep, I so agree!!! Within two hours time he has ordered a PCA machine (patient control analgesic), I was able to push the bottom as needed and it also gave me a constant dose, sleep is a fabulous thing!!!!!! I had most fab nurses who remembered me from my past admissions to that floor and I can only say they take the best care of patients or at least me, that I've seen in a long time. Wonderful care in itself goes a long way when you are feeling poorly!!! As the days go by I am on the correct antibiotics but my fever continues to soar and climb rather than decline. A high fever makes you feel horrible in itself. After a little over a week my fever gets the memo it’s supposed to be history, I began feeling better, just from the fever being down in itself. After no fever for 48 hours I go from IV medications to oral, still feeling OK, 48 hours later it's home for me!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!! Couldn't have come a day sooner. I'm home and do feel much, much better than I did, but to say I feel great would be a huge lie. The fever has really sucked the energy from me big time. My physician said that it could take up to a week for each day my fever was so out of control for me to totally feel like I'm recovered. I have to say and I hate to complain that this infection sure has kicked my ass big time. I can't keep on doing this crap, I just can't. My body, my emotions, everything is taking a huge hit each time I develop another infection. I've known for a while that more surgery is needed sooner rather than later, that's for sure!!!!! I have had chats with my physician about "the big fix" for a while, not really interested in hearing what he has to say, that's for sure!!! After this huge infection kicking my ass and it just being a very short amount of time since my last hospital admission I have now finally come to the cross roads so to say and know that if I'd like to continue on this earth for and have any quality of life I need to bite the big one and at least go speak to the guys who do these surgeries every day and see what they have to offer me, before it's too late. I have a married son and a daughter we hope to see married or in a fulfilled relationship and I HAVE to be a part of those lives, I didn't struggle raising those kids with hubby to check out of this life mid-way through, you know?????????? So it might just be that I'll end up wearing a bag in which my pee empties into, yeah it sounds horrible, yes I still have a surgery or two to get me there, but I'm telling you now it's a whole lot fucking better out look than six feet under, you know???? Life is way to short and I'm not ready to check out of this game called LIFE right now, therefore I'll do what I have to on my part to stay in the game. Yes wearing a bag sounds like hell and all of that sucky stuff that goes along with it, but if you ask me looking up from six feet under sounds much worse. So more for me than anyone else here, I'm writing this to remind myself I do have a lot to live for and wearing a bag 24/7 just might not be such a bad thing, you know???? I'm sure I'll flip between feeling as I do now, ready to go, show me where to sign, get the OR ready, to oh hell no I am NOT wearing a freaking nasty bag of pee on my side. That's OK I'm sure they are all normal feeling and fears to be honest. I need to find others who have taken this trip before me and ask a few questions I have on my mind now and others I'm sure I'll have as the time grows near. So any suggestions on where to read, if you've been there done that, any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated, the only thing I ask is no one try to talk me out of this, it's hard enough to deal with myself trying to figure out every reason under the sun I don't need to have it done. I have a wonderfully supportive family, my husband, Dave is most fab, really he is, there are days I want to thump him but I know he truly loves me and wants only what's best for me and has been through hell and back with me and is willing to do it again, can't ask for a whole lot more you know???? Even after 26 years of being married and dating four years before that, I have a great guy, I do know that!!!! Our two kids are fab and will be here to do anything they can to help from near and far, our daughter in law is like a daughter to us and will be right there to do her part. I have fab sisters, who are ALL OLDER than me, ha ha but would do anything to help me from near or far, again can't ask for much more than that, you know???? Well maybe after that older comment they may want to slap me, but hey it isn't the first time, you know??? ha ha. OK I'm rambling now anyway so here is an update and a little note to me as well, that I'll need to come back and read over the next several roughs weeks, months however long. Thanks guys you are very supportive as well and I look forward to coming out on the other side of this surgery with all of you and my family too. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to post more often, I think it may help me emotionally for sure over the next how ever long this journey ends up being, I'm up for, big time!!!!! I go back to see my physician in about two weeks or so, in the mean time he is working on finding me a major medical center to have any fixes I may need. My physicians’ practice no longer does this type of surgery, I respect the fact that he and his partners can say that this type of surgery is best left up to folks who do several of these a week. It’s not like it’s a quick little fix and I’m in and out and all things considered he wants me to be at the best place possible, all things considered. I’m extremely thankful that I we have a health care system that allows me to pick up and go any place I or my physician feels best fits my needs. Along with that again I have to mention my most fab family, I know it can be stressful for Dave he is the only one here with me and that leaves a lot on his shoulders, he’s a great guy for the job!!! Melissa although working full time and attending school as well is only two hours away and has been wonderful dropping all in her life when asked to be us, for that I’m so very thankful. As for David and Kayla they are both with us in mind and spirit, I know they’d be here be our side if at all possible. I know I’ve said numerous times but my family is my rock, I’d never be able to do this without them. We’ve moved numerous times in our adult lives therefore we don’t have a whole lot in the sense of “friends”, which makes my families job that much harder, I am aware of that and so very, very thankful for them, sorry if I’ve gone on and on, I’m very thankful for my family and just slightly stressed about what the future holds for me medically. Oh yeah on a much lighter note, So-Co may fab beagle has had her photo in the local newspaper where my family lives, titled "Dog Days of Summer", such a cutie I must say, hope you enjoy her photo as much as I do!!!! I suppose we must have snapped the photo as she was waking up!!!!!
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Odette said...

It's nice to hear from you again, Marie! I am glad you are back home and getting your strength back after that hellish episode. It's good to know that your doctor and nurses had been fantabulous! two cents worth of advice - go for it! I have met so many people with ostomy/urostomy bag and they are doing well. There maybe some discomfort like changing the bag, burping it, a leak here and there, but at least it stops the infection, and the pain. You are so right to seek ways to stay "above" rather than "below" as life has so much to offer. Your family adores you...they too would want to keep you as long as they can.


Wow marie how intense, what a dreadful time. Yes it is so depressing when feeling so sick like that. I am so glad you have made it through.
Do what you need to do. Amy copes really well with her bag, i know you had hopes with the neobladder but at some stage your life is more important than the bag hun. Infections are foul and you may never get rid of them, however they may be less with another procedure. I will try to do some research for you!!!
Im glad your home