Thanks for stopping by!

Just a lil FYI......I write here for me and me only. I hope to use this space to help me remember the good, the bad and the ugly!!! I may also voice my feelings on a few things here and there, if you don't agree with them, cool and please do feel free to let me know. BUT....(there's always a "but" huh???) be nice these are MY feelings and thoughts and it's MY blog so again be nice!!! Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you will check back often as I'm really trying to make myself post more often. Sometimes just writing things down help to get things off my chest so to say, and it does me feel better.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Does it ever end??????????????

Since the news I have to share about my thumb pretty much sucks, I'll begin with something wonderful first. David is back from Iraq!!!!!!!!!! He is back to his wife in HI and has been since this past weekend!!!!!!! This is one relived mom, that's for sure!! In other good news, Melissa is back home for a few weeks. We are looking for a small house for her to either rent or purchase. She needs to be closer to work and school, but her apartment just wasn't working out. She has a huge dog that needs lots of running room and an apartment just doesn't allow for that. We have a few leads on houses both to purchase and or rent. Something to lease or rent to own would be a good start for a young person just starting out. Hope we find her something soon she has a 2 plus hour drive from our house to work. When she works her normal shifts she only works two days one week and three the following. Which is great because if she had to drive that everyday, gas would eat her profits. Everyone and then she'll work a 48 hour shift, which is even less driving, she loves her job!! It is giving her a wide variety of experience for her nursing classes, which is good. I just hope she doesn't "burn-out" working as many hours as she is working right now as well as trying to go to school full time. She is one busy little girl. Well maybe not a little girl but my little girl anyway, no matter how old she gets 22 or 42!! Now on to the news that sucks!! I'm sure everyone remembers the dog bite back in early May, then the removal of part of my thumb at the end of May. Well the very tip of the thumb heals and then breaks open and bleeds. I thought this maybe due to the skin being so thin on the top and that with time it would heal and be fine. As time goes on this hasn't happened. The thumb is also very swollen still. So off to the hand surgeon I go, knowing full well something wasn't exactly right. I was so right but had no idea what the real deal was. It appears the jagged portion of the bone that was bitten off and then part of it was removed during surgery, has become jagged once again. Two pieces of that jagged bone has broken off and is trying to work it's way through the skin. Which explains why it heals and breaks open as well as the reason for it being so swollen three month after surgery! So on Friday I will have those pieces of the bone removed, I don't know how much more of the thumb I'll lose. If he can save the first knuckle I'll have a pin put in it, due to the break from the bite. My thumb was broken in three places one portion of that break was removed when he removed part of my thumb, another break has broken into pieces which will be removed an the final break is the knuckle that hasn't healed well, which is where he'll place the pin to hold it together. So that's how I'll be spending my Friday, sounds fun huh??? NOT!! Take care all.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Where has the summer gone? Where has the time gone???

Wow, it's August already, where has time gone? Summer is my most favorite time of the year, I so love to tan, yeah I know it's not exactly "healthy" but one must have some bad habits. Hubby took a few days off early in the week, we thought about going away but the packing and unpacking and getting there and back just didn't seem to very appealing. So we strayed home and it was lots of fun, we didn't do much of anything, Dave does tons of yard work like he always does when he's off, then in the afternoons we chilled in the pool. That's my most favorite thing to do, the sun beating down on you and the cool pool water, oh just the most fab thing the world!!!! Then each evening he cooked our meals, well grilled our meals, they were most fab as always. Having a husband who cooks and enjoys doing so it just great, of course he prefers to cook on the grill, but hey it's always good so who cares how or where he cooks it, you know? I'm missing my kiddos something horrible!!!!!!!!!!! Our son is still awaiting a flight out of Iraq along with numerous other soldiers. It's been something like 8 days they have been waiting for a flight, there is always something that causes them not to get a flight out. Tomorrow well I suppose today since it's after midnight is his first anniversary, he's spent most of his first year of marriage deployed. I just hope and pray that he'll have many, many more happy anniversaries in which he is at home (where ever that may be)with his wife. I'm telling you it's got to be hard for her to be so freaking far away from anyone family or anyone she knows and it be your very first anniversary and your husband is in Iraq. Although it sucks, at least we can say he is safe at this minute and he will be back to the states safe and sound very soon, much sooner rather than later!!! Our daughter Melissa has a new full time job, and is still going to school full time. Needless to say she has no time for anything and that includes seeing her parents!!! My heart is breaking because I miss our kids. That sounds silly I'm sure, but it's been weeks since I've last seen Melissa at least two weeks before I was in the hospital and I'll have been home from there two weeks this Monday, so yeah it's been a long time, I miss her. I miss our son. I am thankful that they both are happy and safe and are being productive adults in jobs they both love. I suppose a parent really can't ask for much more than that huh?? For that, I am truly happy for them and feel blessed to have had the chance to raise two productive adults. Damit, I just wish they were both closer or could at least come for a visit, even a short visit would be great!! So that's where I am in my nice little boring life!! To add a little more stress to my life and make it not so boring I have a follow up with urologist on Monday, I suppose he'll give me the information about seeing the new surgeon who will possibly be doing my surgery. Some days I am so ready to go and have it done and move on and other days I'm dreading it and can find every single reason under the sun as to why I don't need, don't want, shouldn't have the surgery. I try very hard to make my mind walk away from those thoughts, it's not always easy. To say I'm stressed as hell doesn't even come close, I'm scared of everything that goes with surgery and then some. Seeing a new physician is also making my stress level increase a good bit as well. Once the surgery is over and I've recovered a good bit I'll be discharged back to my personal urologist, which makes me very happy, I really like him and feel as if I can trust him and talk to him about anything. He keeps assuring me that the surgeon he is sending me to is a good guy also and that he'll be just as easy to talk to and all of that good stuff, only time will tell!! OK, I'm out of here because I'm rambling like a crazy person, ha ha!!!!! I'm trying to come here and write more often, maybe get some of stress out and to use this as record of the time before during and after my surgery. Maybe one day I can help someone facing the surgery and same fears, issues, whatever, again only time will tell! Have a most wonderful weekend, I plan to have a very relaxed weekend spent floating around the pool.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Finally an update!!!!

OK, now that I feel semi-alive I can finally get an update out here, I’m so sorry friends I'm a slack blogger. OK, so let's see nothing major has been going on in my boring life, which is always good, right??? Our daughter has gotten a full time job and so loves being a paramedic and all of that good stuff. She is still in school for nursing but only part time now since they have offered her a full time job and are more than willing to pay for her schooling, yippee!!!! As for David, he could be back to the states any day now, we are on pins and needles awaiting word. He'll go back to CA for a short time then back to his wonderful wife in HI very soon, we all hope. The next order of plans are to figure out who is going where, are they coming here to visit or are we going there, no plans as of yet, except that we'll see him sooner rather than later and that in itself just makes me freaking day!!!! The dogs are great silly little things they are so much comfort and company to me, that's for sure!!! When I first came home from the hospital Dave (hubby)had some business travel and man those dogs just make my day when I'm home alone and feel poorly. They are most fab fur-babies that's for sure!!! OK now on to the reason I was in the hospital, I had a kidney infection and had gotten septic. I was only sick for a day before going to the physician
, he told me at that point he felt I'd be admitted by the weekend due to the fact that my pass infections have all grown bacterial that has been very resistant to oral antibiotics. He was in agreement with me, that it wouldn't hurt to try out patient as long as I was able to keep fluids and the medications down. Let's see that was Thursday, by Friday evening I knew I was headed to being admitted, I had thrown up numerous times Friday evening, couldn't keep anything down, which made for the pain off the charts. So Saturday later AM I gave up and called my physician, funny thing is he had just spoke to the folks at the hospital lab and was about to call me and tell me to head over there to be admitted because my cultures were growing three very resistant bacteria, nice!!! So I go over and of course because I have no veins I have a pick line put in, this time in my femoral artery. I've had so many IV's that I've scarred down every other place and to even put a central line is it's a huge chore. So all that was done by early evening I was settled in for the long haul. First vital sign check of the evening shift shows I have a fever of 104.7, nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! So after blood cultures and all of the normal stuff one has done with a huge fever spike, I'm given Tylenol, of course I puke my guts up and this goes on all night!!! By this point I'm a basket case because I've had little to no sleep in the 48 hours and all I can do is cry. Thank God I have a most fab physician, he sat and listened to me cry my eyes out from pure exhaustion, no judgment at all from him, just true concern and care from him. What a wonderful change from some past physicians!!! It is at this point he says more pain medication is needed to get my pain under better control and allow my to get some sleep, I so agree!!! Within two hours time he has ordered a PCA machine (patient control analgesic), I was able to push the bottom as needed and it also gave me a constant dose, sleep is a fabulous thing!!!!!! I had most fab nurses who remembered me from my past admissions to that floor and I can only say they take the best care of patients or at least me, that I've seen in a long time. Wonderful care in itself goes a long way when you are feeling poorly!!! As the days go by I am on the correct antibiotics but my fever continues to soar and climb rather than decline. A high fever makes you feel horrible in itself. After a little over a week my fever gets the memo it’s supposed to be history, I began feeling better, just from the fever being down in itself. After no fever for 48 hours I go from IV medications to oral, still feeling OK, 48 hours later it's home for me!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!! Couldn't have come a day sooner. I'm home and do feel much, much better than I did, but to say I feel great would be a huge lie. The fever has really sucked the energy from me big time. My physician said that it could take up to a week for each day my fever was so out of control for me to totally feel like I'm recovered. I have to say and I hate to complain that this infection sure has kicked my ass big time. I can't keep on doing this crap, I just can't. My body, my emotions, everything is taking a huge hit each time I develop another infection. I've known for a while that more surgery is needed sooner rather than later, that's for sure!!!!! I have had chats with my physician about "the big fix" for a while, not really interested in hearing what he has to say, that's for sure!!! After this huge infection kicking my ass and it just being a very short amount of time since my last hospital admission I have now finally come to the cross roads so to say and know that if I'd like to continue on this earth for and have any quality of life I need to bite the big one and at least go speak to the guys who do these surgeries every day and see what they have to offer me, before it's too late. I have a married son and a daughter we hope to see married or in a fulfilled relationship and I HAVE to be a part of those lives, I didn't struggle raising those kids with hubby to check out of this life mid-way through, you know?????????? So it might just be that I'll end up wearing a bag in which my pee empties into, yeah it sounds horrible, yes I still have a surgery or two to get me there, but I'm telling you now it's a whole lot fucking better out look than six feet under, you know???? Life is way to short and I'm not ready to check out of this game called LIFE right now, therefore I'll do what I have to on my part to stay in the game. Yes wearing a bag sounds like hell and all of that sucky stuff that goes along with it, but if you ask me looking up from six feet under sounds much worse. So more for me than anyone else here, I'm writing this to remind myself I do have a lot to live for and wearing a bag 24/7 just might not be such a bad thing, you know???? I'm sure I'll flip between feeling as I do now, ready to go, show me where to sign, get the OR ready, to oh hell no I am NOT wearing a freaking nasty bag of pee on my side. That's OK I'm sure they are all normal feeling and fears to be honest. I need to find others who have taken this trip before me and ask a few questions I have on my mind now and others I'm sure I'll have as the time grows near. So any suggestions on where to read, if you've been there done that, any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated, the only thing I ask is no one try to talk me out of this, it's hard enough to deal with myself trying to figure out every reason under the sun I don't need to have it done. I have a wonderfully supportive family, my husband, Dave is most fab, really he is, there are days I want to thump him but I know he truly loves me and wants only what's best for me and has been through hell and back with me and is willing to do it again, can't ask for a whole lot more you know???? Even after 26 years of being married and dating four years before that, I have a great guy, I do know that!!!! Our two kids are fab and will be here to do anything they can to help from near and far, our daughter in law is like a daughter to us and will be right there to do her part. I have fab sisters, who are ALL OLDER than me, ha ha but would do anything to help me from near or far, again can't ask for much more than that, you know???? Well maybe after that older comment they may want to slap me, but hey it isn't the first time, you know??? ha ha. OK I'm rambling now anyway so here is an update and a little note to me as well, that I'll need to come back and read over the next several roughs weeks, months however long. Thanks guys you are very supportive as well and I look forward to coming out on the other side of this surgery with all of you and my family too. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to post more often, I think it may help me emotionally for sure over the next how ever long this journey ends up being, I'm up for, big time!!!!! I go back to see my physician in about two weeks or so, in the mean time he is working on finding me a major medical center to have any fixes I may need. My physicians’ practice no longer does this type of surgery, I respect the fact that he and his partners can say that this type of surgery is best left up to folks who do several of these a week. It’s not like it’s a quick little fix and I’m in and out and all things considered he wants me to be at the best place possible, all things considered. I’m extremely thankful that I we have a health care system that allows me to pick up and go any place I or my physician feels best fits my needs. Along with that again I have to mention my most fab family, I know it can be stressful for Dave he is the only one here with me and that leaves a lot on his shoulders, he’s a great guy for the job!!! Melissa although working full time and attending school as well is only two hours away and has been wonderful dropping all in her life when asked to be us, for that I’m so very thankful. As for David and Kayla they are both with us in mind and spirit, I know they’d be here be our side if at all possible. I know I’ve said numerous times but my family is my rock, I’d never be able to do this without them. We’ve moved numerous times in our adult lives therefore we don’t have a whole lot in the sense of “friends”, which makes my families job that much harder, I am aware of that and so very, very thankful for them, sorry if I’ve gone on and on, I’m very thankful for my family and just slightly stressed about what the future holds for me medically. Oh yeah on a much lighter note, So-Co may fab beagle has had her photo in the local newspaper where my family lives, titled "Dog Days of Summer", such a cutie I must say, hope you enjoy her photo as much as I do!!!! I suppose we must have snapped the photo as she was waking up!!!!!
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