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Just a lil FYI......I write here for me and me only. I hope to use this space to help me remember the good, the bad and the ugly!!! I may also voice my feelings on a few things here and there, if you don't agree with them, cool and please do feel free to let me know. BUT....(there's always a "but" huh???) be nice these are MY feelings and thoughts and it's MY blog so again be nice!!! Thanks again for stopping by and I hope you will check back often as I'm really trying to make myself post more often. Sometimes just writing things down help to get things off my chest so to say, and it does me feel better.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Such is life!

The very day after having a little more of my thumb chopped off I went to this "king of urology" at Wake Forrest University. The visit went well the physician was extremely nice, very concerned about how I felt about having surgery. Not to mention very carious as to how I got to where I am now. I laughed and said "well that makes two of us then!! I did get a good belly laugh out of him on that one. I didn't really learn anything new or really that exciting either for that matter. He took a lot of time with me, which truly impressed me, he was also concerned that I was at the appointment all by myself. Which I thought was very kind of him, I explained to him that my husband was traveling that week and since this was a last minute appointment there really wasn't any time to try to change his travel days. He even offered to have me call him and have him on a conference call for my appointment. Don't think I've ever come across a physician that kind. As I told my personal urologist he was very kind but it still doesn't make me want to have surgery!!!! Such is life though, it appears I'm going to have surgery anyway. I have no date yet I'm going back in early October for some tests, then I suppose we'll talk surgery dates, I could be wrong, we'll see. There are days that I feel as if I would be fine with the surgery and all that comes with it, so to say, then there are days when I am so pissed off that I am once again facing surgery! Again such is life and I can be as pissed off as I want to be but that isn't going to stop all of these infections and the fevers from hell, right? Right!!!!! I do have to admit these infections are getting closer and closer together, and since I'm pretty much resistant to all oral antibiotics, each new infection buys me a femoral line and at least 10 days of IV antibiotics in the hospital. I was just discharged from my last inpatient admission the very end of July. 10 days after being home I had another infection, I got really lucky with that one and was able to take oral medications to treat it. I finished up those medicines about three weeks ago if that long ago, was feeling OK, no blood, no fever, still pain but not horrible. My follow up appointment was Wednesday afternoon, wouldn't you know by Monday evening I begin having more flank pain, Tuesday I begin peeing blood and lots of, and oh great I could puke my guts up at any given second and the final blow came Wednesday morning, I wake up with a fever from hell,great, just freaking great!!!!!!!!!!! So I go to my appointment and of course I have lots of white cells and blood in urine, because I am so resistant to most antibiotics my physician is reluctant to just begin treating me. So he gives me two choices. 1) Be admitted that day and get a jump start on the infection or 2) go home and wait this out until Monday when the final culture results will be ready. Of course if I get to the point I'm puking my guts up and the pain isn't controlled with oral medications or my fever spikes higher than 101 I promised I'd call to be admitted. I really, really like my urologist, not many physicians would give the patient that much control, my first one sure didn't, it was his way or he had a freaking 2 year old temper tantrum, and no I'm not kidding nor stretching the truth even a little on this one! My fever is hanging around 100.9, I feel like total crap, I'm not puking but I'm not really eating or drinking either. My pain is bad but I can't justify being admitted just for pain control right now, maybe I just don't hurt bad enough right now, or maybe I'm just so used to dealing with horrible pain everyday I've gotten used to it, who knows. I just know this sucks, this is not the way I'd choose to live my life. The good news is that I have a totally supportive husband who will support whatever I choose to do as far as surgery goes. So in looking at things on the "bright side" this too shall pass. I have a feeling I'll be back in the hospital by the beginning of the week. If this happens it happens, if it doesn't and I'm able to treat my infection with oral antibiotics I'm a very lucky girl, agree?? OK enough crappy crap!!!
In other news in our house our daughter is back at home with for a short time. I love her more than life itself but................it's hard as hell to live with her!!!!!!!! Man I forgot what it was like to have to pick up after someone or to have "stuff" just laying around here and there, why oh why can't she just put her "stuff" where it belongs???????????? She is supposed to be saving her money to purchase a house of her own, I'm not so sure this is going to happen, only time will tell. She isn't really saving her money which makes me think she is so sure that Dave and I are going to begin paying for her apartment or housing or whatever she decides to do. I am here to tell you, oh she is so WRONG!!!!! Don't get me wrong we've put both of our kids through college and helped them get "started" in life, but once you finish college and you have an adult job you are so on your own!!! As it should be in my book. Of course we'll help her purchase large ticket items if she needs the help BUT, she has to "help us help her" (Dave's tag line) which I totally I agree with. If we keep shelling money out she'll keep "needing our help". As for the dogs in our home, that's another thing she isn't going to like, but such is life!!!!!!! When she moves she HAS to take her dog with her, he can no longer stay with us, he can come and visit when she does but other than that, nope I'm finished with him!!!!! You know I only began life with two thumbs and thanks to her dog I now only have one, a big reason he can't stay here any more!!! I'm afraid of him, he's a huge dog and I think he knows I'm afraid of him, he gives me a hard time not listening and just stands there looking at me like I speak a different language then he does. Does he do that crap to Dave or Melissa, HELL NO!!! I didn't "sign up" to care for him, I told her he could come here and visit and he hasn't freaking left!!! It's more than time for him to leave, don't you think????? I'm really worried about her keeping him to tell the truth, I'm so afraid he'll bite someone else. I don't know the ins and outs of "once a biter always a biter", but I do know I'm afraid of him and he stares my down when I tell him something, and I know that isn't good!!! Anyone care to enlighten me on that subject, please do tell, I'm really interested. But let me say this first, he still isn't living here any longer!! Man I must be a mean mom, again, "such is life"!!
If you've continued to read this rambling mess of a post, thanks!! I'm sort of all over the place sorry but my mind is sort like that right now too. I'm really going to try to post more often maybe I'll feel better getting stuff off my chest and it won't take me hours to write just one post. That's my plan, let's see if I can stick to it. Have a great week everyone and thanks again for taking your time to read.
Marie

5 comments:

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Hi
Sorry to hear about the infections - I am used to it because Kirst could have written the same post!! But I agree - it sucks.

The dog sounds like it will be a problem - but your daughter will definitely need to take it - if it bit you that badly, I would remove it as soon as you can...

My daughter is 24... sounds like they have a lot in common - returned from flatting - makes mess... financial freeloading... I feel for you as only parents in the same situation can - love them to bits - but am dumbstruck at their attitude that they expect it all on a plate. Nearing time to push them out again!!!

Odette said...

hi marie! it is always a delight to read your post so don't worry even if it's long. yes, that dog should go! i don't understand why after the incident, your daughter would still take that dog to your house when it is obvious he doesn't listen to you. i know why you are scared of him...i would be too!
get well soon, ok?
xoxoxoxo

Marie said...

Fi: Our daughter is 22, she's a good kid, got great grades and loves her job, so it's time she lives on her own. We've supported her this far as we said we would do so. She's off our pay roll now so to say. If that makes us mean parents, too bad so sad. As for the dog, my husband and have agreed he has to go, he bit our beagle last night over nothing and got her in several places on her little back. I'm just afreaid he'll hurt someone and that makes him a law suit waiting to happen in the in sue happy good old US!!! He's very attached to our daughter you can't even tap her when he's around or he goes nuts!! She thinks having him "fixed" will help this, I say no. Our dog trainer who has trained all of our dogs says she isn't so sure that would help him. Plus I don't know if this true or not but I've heard once they taste blood, they'll bit again, don't know if it's true but I don't want to find out either!!!
Odette: Thanks I always think "good grief all you do is bitch in these posts who wants to read that crap", ha ha!! The reason he is still here is we agreed to dog-sit the first weekend in June and he just never left after that!! But soon and very soon I'm hoping one way or another he's leaving!! Dave and I have said enough is enough he picks on our beagle like crazy!!!!! She weighs maybe 20 pounds and he is a good 90 pounds, he picks on her so bad!!! She wears little dresses and stuff and he drags her around by the dress or her ear or whatever he can get a hold of!!! Anyway his stay here is way OVER, he's worn out his welcome here so to say!! ha ha You ladies have a great week.
Marie

NEO-CONDUIT said...

Marie hun the reason for a blog is to bitch and moan and release all the garbage!!! Most people do, Im totally guilty!!!
The good thing is we don't feel so alone when we know other people are having issues the same as ours. We can support each other and reach out this way:)
My infection is back but no where near yours or Amys, I'm having some back ache, lethargy, headaches, nausea, temps ever now and then and the abdo pain is starting..But I am waiting to get my test results back from last week.

I wrote a response to your urodynamics question, I hope it goes well, its generally painless for us folks :)
I hope when you have the surgery this ends for you. I know you will still get the odd infection but hopefully not as bad.
I feel for Amy as well, deeply.
The dog is a total pain in the arse and doesn't sound pleasant have a listen to Fi!!!
xoxooxoxooxox

Marie said...

Kirst: Thanks, I appricate your kind words. I did get your answer thanks I was too lazy to look up it up, plus at times I think ignorance is bliss!!! Hope you are feeling well. Do you think they'll fix your leakage? I sure hope so I know the pain of going through extra surgery for no and bag and then, well it appears that's where I am headed!!! Our daughter was working in the local ER (she normally is a flight nurse but is "try" to earn extra money right now, we'll see) and she called me the other evening and was so excited to tell me she had just started a line on a man with a neo-bladder who was being admitted for infection, I said tell him I feel his pain!!! She was so excited she "found" someone with a "bladder" like me!! If only she really knew!!
Thanks again have a great week!!
Marie