SISTERS............

This is another long one but hope comes across the way I want it to. Get a cup of coffee or tea and sit back and read!!

OK, where to begin. The beginning I suppose would be a good place huh? I read a post on someone's blog recently that really made me think about my sisters, nothing like them huh?? Love them one second and the next could um pinch them maybe?????? Anyone with me now? I have three sister who all happen to be OLDER than hell ,oh mean me, we grew up sharing rooms, a bath and a half. Now tell me that's not fun! My oldest two sisters shared a room and then the next I shared a room with the closest in age to me. Boy oh boy did she and I have some huge fights over the years. She even once taped the room in half!! We never fought over clothing because we went to catholic school and basically wore the same thing, plus our mother made lots of at least I remember she made a lot of my summer clothes so why fight over those? We had lots of family vacations at the Jersey Shore, I have some wonderful memories of those vacations!! I have to say for having a big family we sure did do lots of stuff and go lots of places. Now that is where the big difference in us comes or at least with two of them, that is. One doesn't seem to remember her name much so it's not a surprise she doesn't remember lots of childhood stuff. Not that I don't take each chance to remind her of something she did to me of course in front of her two daughters who seem to enjoy hearing. Then another sister who lived in the same house as us and shared a room with my oldest sister remembers how she had nothing as a child, was so left out of every thing, never got anything she wanted for Christmas or birthdays or EVER for that matter. She was just left out of every thing in her "book" and hey I guess we all have our own memories. Interestingly enough pictures tell a whole different story, the Christmas pictures in our living room looked like the show room at "Kiddie City" anyone else remember that toy store??? So yeah she thinks she is slighted but pictures don't lie!! OK so we're all different right? I mean we have all grown up to have different careers in life and three of us have moved from our hometown, one just slightly and the other an hour or so away then me um about 9 hours from them all. That in itself changes us somewhat. Being that my family (as in kids and hubby) missed out on a lot being so far away, when I was growing up I wanted nothing more than for my kids to grow up close to grand mom and pop-pop, aunts, uncles and cousins, didn't happen, such is life!!! We did go back as often as we could normally in the summer to enjoy that Jersey Shore. Our kids often spent a few weeks in NJ enjoying everyone a little longer than us, which I’m so thankful for, they have wonderful memories of the Shore with their cousins and for that I'm so happy. My parents came to visit us normally once a year as well. Then not so much after my father got sick. My oldest sister and her son came at least once a year to visit us and we have great memories of that as well. They often came around Thanksgiving, which made me very happy to spend time with family around a holiday and for them to see the traditions I've made with my family. Good times were had by all, well maybe not my hubby all the time but he dealt just fine!! I got sick and wasn't able to travel as much. Then as our kids got older there was less and less travel between all of us. Kids activities always going on, kids getting older and not wanting to be in the car for 9 or so hours at a time.
Then as often happens in families and from what I've read happens a good bit between sisters, something was said or done or whatever, (I really don't remember and don't care to drag up crap that was most likely stupid anyway!!!) I didn't hear from my sisters shortly after my dad passed away for a few years. I hated it more than anything, when the mail came I always hoped I’d have note from one of them. I heard from my mom and heard of the stuff everyone was doing and missed it all so much. This was all fairly early in me being sick, so often times daily life was all I could "do". Even though I never made an attempt to make the first move, I always wanted to but was afraid to. After several years my niece called out of the blue on Christmas eve, she said she just wanted to tell me she loved me and missed me and that her mom was in the car with and she said the same. That was a wonderful phone call and I’ll never forget it.
A few more months went by and the same niece called asking if I'd like to meet them for a vacation that was about half way between us. During that call I found out just how much I'd missed out on over the years, a sister had been divorced, nieces and nephew grew up so fast, a nephew had not only enlisted in the Army he had gone off to war. I think back now thank God nothing happened to him!!!! Anyway as a little more time went by my father in law passed away and we headed to NJ for the first time in almost TEN years.
I didn't really know what to expect, I was excited to see family, I was scared to see family all at the same time!! At this point in time I still hadn't heard from my oldest sister since whatever happened. My one sister and niece came to my father in law's service and told me my oldest sister was coming. I was very happy but very scared, why who knows, fear of the unknown I suppose. I was afraid she hated me and was afraid she thought I hated her. My nephew came with her and my son and I spoke to him first, he was so grown up, been off to war and back, just so dam grown up. I had missed so much!!!! I spoke to my sister for a few minutes (she was on her way to work and only had a short amount of time) I met her brand new puppy who happened to bite my nose. It seemed the tides were turning, I was happy my sisters were back in my life, I sure did miss them!! We spoke on the phone a few times over the next year and boy did the next year change our lives forever!!!
My mother was ill, although she never let anyone know. We knew she had high blood pressure and had had a stroke but was pretty "stable" and had been for a number of years. Little did we know she was slowly fading, still working her part time job and going on with life. I spoke to her a few times a week, my sisters did the same as well as saw her in person. She had some elective surgery in June of 2007 and from there she just went down hill, quickly!! She began telling me she was short of breath and felt sweaty often. I kept telling her to go to the doctor and she did but at this point he just blew her off. Told her she was having some panic acts take this or that. Well it wasn’t long before she wasn't able to go on with life and quickly passed away. Again I have to face my sisters who I've spoken to by phone over the last few months but only chit chatty stuff. It ended up being not only the best time but the worst time in my life!! My mother was ill and I forgot to mention I had gone to NJ and stayed three months while she ill. That gave me lots of face to face time with my sisters and that part was wonderful, it just made me so happy to be around them and just "be" there. Once my mother passed away I promised myself it would NOT be ten years or so before I came back to NJ, too much time was lost and I didn't plan to lose anymore.
So far I've kept my promise to myself, I've managed to travel up there twice a year and my oldest sister has been here twice a year. It feels great!! I talk to my sister closest in age to me often as well as see her while I'm in NJ. Life is great, right???? Well pretty much is, except as you notice I've mentioned TWO sisters I see and talk to, I still have another one, right??? You remember the one who had it so bad in the same house with the rest of it who thought we had it so good, guess you can't everyone all the time!! I know that for a fact but.....it just makes you wonder how four sisters can grow up in one house and three of us are sort of pretty normal (if there is a normal!!)and the other be so out there. It does bother me in a way that I don't speak to that sister and it's been just recently that I haven't spoken to her. Why?? Because she was making me crazy and I can do that all by myself thank you very much!!! But truly I did stop speaking to her because she needs help, in a bad, bad way. She is an attention seeker and I don't mean just a little bit loud at times, she's that too but she's much more than that. She makes herself sick for attention, if one of her kids are mad at her she has chest pain or this or that. If anyone of us is sick or has some type of surgery or sickness, she suddenly comes down with something a short time later. Just too much to deal with and I don't mean little things she comes up with it's always the worst this or that. Well my final straw with her was she told us she had breast cancer, but none of it added up, she made up stories and treatments that just were off the wall. Yes some cancer treatments are "off the wall" I realize this. So that made me say hummm, then I see her after her telling she had had this huge procedure and her arm is huge and where her breast used to be was huge and she had this and that was wrong. Well, she came to my other sisters to visit while I was in NJ, a pretty odd thing happened, she wasn't swollen, any where. I asked to see her scar, she whips up her top and bra so fast I see nothing at all. OK well maybe she's already healed you say, well nope that isn't the case according to her the day before her wound is open and won't heal. Well I may be stupid but I know huge wounds don't heal over night, just another lie in big old pile of lies.
Then she tells me she is in CCU, I call to check on her, nope never been a patient in our CCU, so I call her she tells me she is in the hospital, but funny thing is they checked the entire hospital system and she is no where to be found, but keeps trying to tell me she is there. So I had enough, I told she needed lots of help and I truly hope she took that to heart and that until she got herself some help and stopped all of this "storytelling" I didn't want to hear from her. Mean maybe, but I just couldn't deal with her/it any longer she just doesn't see that we are on to her, we've been on to her for a long time. I just hope and pray she gets the help she needs and that one day she'll come to us and say "I'm sorry, I was sick I've gotten help", until then for my sanity I have to stay away. I don't hate her, I do love her, but I want to pinch her for telling such lies, just too sad!!!
So anyway now that I've said all of this I just want to say, forget about holding grudges, or holding out for the other one to call you first, just move on, don't dig up the past or why you stopped speaking to your whom ever it's not worth it mostly likely was over something stupid anyway!! My friends, “Life is way too short not to enjoy!!!!!
Marie

OK, grab a cup of coffee or tea and I'll tell me tale of surgery, ha ha. Lots of gross stuff ahead, OK, you were warned, HA HA!!! I went in the night before only to find that they didn't have me on the OR schdule, they had me in one computer but not the other, interesting because all of this happened after I began the dreadful prep that stuff is horrible!!!!!!!! Then a resident comes in and gives me that above info and says oh yeah by the way the ostomy nurse is gone for the day too. so i'm freaking out big time, a short time which seemed like a long time later my personal doctor comes in and i tell him i'm leaving this isn't a good idea after all. he says no you'll never come back um yeah he was correct!!! so after his calming talk i agree to stay he tells me if he has to operate on 12 mindnight on me he'll do it, so i plan not to go to surgery before 7pm the night after i arrive, great no sleep the night before offered me a sleeper i say no i want the time to worry ha ha, so early the next am the ostomy nurse comes in, for some reason i sort of freakout by not being able to say a word or even look at her or my hubby, only ball my eyes out big time. she was fab, took her time nad was just a wonderful lady, so finally i calm enough to get the dreaded dots for my stoma placement and she isn't even in my room 10 mins and a knock on my door brings surgery to get me, but wait it's only 9:30 AM and i haven't had a shower or worried enough or stressed out enough, yeah right!! so i begin the tears again the ostomy nurse was fab again she went to the door and siad DO NOT KNOCK ON THIS DOOR AGAIN I'LL OPEN IT WHEN I'M READY FOR YOU!!!!! OK so she goes back to taking her time and was just fab to me. She leaves and tell surgery to give me 5 mins and then go in, so i cry to my hubby some, oh man this is bringing tears to me now!! So i get on the stretcher to the OR, upon arriving in the holding area who but my personal dr comes out and hugs me and tells me he knows i'm upset but it'll be ok and he's rubbing my arms and legs just trying to make me stop crying it was so sweet, then of course you know several people from the sleepy drs to the nurses from the OR all come out and talk to you, they tried to stick me, no luck in getting an IV in even my foot so my dr says just take her back there and give her some "happy gas" and put her lines in then. Great plan to me, now the entire time my dr is stil with me, just making me feel calm as can be!!! He stayed with me until i was asleep he was the last face i saw going out and the first i saw upon waking, talk about a great dr!!!!! So i'm told i'm going to CCU due to high BP and high blood sugars and a high heart rate, oh man was my heart racing and it was killing my tummy!!!! so i get to the unit my nurse was fab, he gets more a different stronger pain med going through the device i push for pain meds every few minutes, don't remember much about that night except my heart was racing all night long and it was making me hot as can be and hurting my tummy!! I had a hige tube in my nose a first for me and a huge incision in my in tummy that went from boobs to past pubes and then in the middle it went across sort of like a cross on my tummy nice and big and sore!!!!!! S0 i stay in the unit for several days not much fun because i was awake and didn't feel well and well those people working in there were loud as can be and all the spoke about was food!!! Of course it happened to be the week before thanksgiving here, but still!!! I was so nasuated but due to the ng never threw up then. i moved to the floor around wed after my surgery being on friday, and oh yeah my surgery was way long it went in at 11:30 AM and came out at 8:30 PM!!!!!! My dr looked tired as can be when i woke up and saw him, then he was there bright and early the next am at like 8AM grest guy great dr!!!!! So i'm on the floor and on thanksgiving day they pull my NG tube out, i was fine all day, into the evening as i drank a lil ginger ale i began to feel my belly bloat so i only drank flat soda, no good either!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Friday am i begin throwing up green bile and keep throwing up till mid-Sat afternoon when i'm told i need another NG tube put in at that point i was sore from surgery and puking i was ready, it hurt like hell but who cares!!!!!! So i'm much better once they put it in and hook my to sucution, yeah!!!! I go down for tummy xrays monday and am told i have an ileaus, which is basicly swollen bowls so much so that nothing can pass through so that's why i'm puking my guts up, only fix for it was belly rest and ng tube, ok fine so i continue on with my new tube and i keep till the following thursday am, i am told i can eat and drink but my tummy still felt bloated so i was drinking barely, then i begin a temp of 104 great!!!! so that Thursday was a roough day, that evening i begin throwing up neon green bile again, great!!!!! So i through up all day friday and all day Sat, then they say i need another iv due to all of the puking yeah i think i needed it before then but then again my dr was off for a few days and i didn't like who was on call for him and told him when he came back and he was so wonderful about that and told the residents from now if i have issues he is to be called no matter what!!! Nice guy huh? so iget my IV and meds for pucking doesn't help at all!!! I keep puking into Sun AM i am told again i need an ng tube again by that point i don't care i've been puking for days again. then some stupid nurse comes in and pushes a med that totally burned and blew my IV, so great n iv access so no pain meds no puke meds either, Sun my dr comes in and sees how dry i am orders a central line for an iv i get it in and get puke and pain meds and sleep for while, so i just cruise on from then all week and slowly they began turning down the suction and i could talorate it ok, so thursday my ng comes out i have chicken noodle soup for dinner and kept it down and i get to go home exactly three weeks and one day from the day i went in!!!!!!!!!!!!! As for my stoma it's doing well but i was so sick during my hospital stay that it wasn't on my mind much, so that sort of hit me hard when i got home and had no back up, other than hubby and of course he was great about it and was as helpful as he could be. i had lots of company my sister from NJ drove down to see me and our son and daughter in law were here from HI. Christmas comes and goes and i cry about everyday that goes by, i don't remember when i finally stopped crying over my stoma daily but then it became like once a week i'd have a good cry, and now i can't remember the last time i cried about it till i wrote this which i wanted to write about before because i'm sure i have forgotten some stuff i took a few photos i plan to put on my blog soon. I've had so far so good with my stoma and changing the bag and stuff, i've had two infections since one where i just slide by the skin of my teeth not being admitted to the hospital and agreed to come to the office every day and injections of ab's. I'm on ab's for about another week and then i go to once a day a maintance sort of dose. My dr here who didn't do my surgery (i had to go to a big medical center for surgery due to all of health issues) has been fab as he normally is, he seems to think once we get this infection cleared we should be good to go and i shouldn't hopefully have infection after infection but only time will tell. I can say i feel a hell of a lot better than i did before surgery now. i'm getting around fine doing all of my normal stuff i do or don't do daily!!!! I also am really taking a leap of faith and am traveling to NJ to visit my sisters for three weeks, it's a long over due visit and i'm looking forward to it and that is oine of the things that got my through my surgery and and recovery knowing i had this trip planned and i pushed to get better every day just so i'd be able to travel so i'm glad i had this trip planned because i really think not having had anything to look forward to would have made recovery harder. So that's the tale of my surgery!!!
Marie

This is way too cool, a new chapter in our life!!!!

That beautiful couple above are about to make Dave and I grandparents!!!!!!!!! We are so excited I can't stand it!!!! If I have to say so myself I think they'll make beautiful babies!!! They are excited beyond words, Kayla is excited, happy and SCARED to death, and David on the other hand is on cloud nine!!! He was so cute when he called me yesterday; I answered the phone the usual how are you doing/what are you doing, but before I could even say a word after he asked those questions he blurted out, "yeah um so Kayla's pregnant"!!!!! I was like no way sweeties are you kidding me????? He said nope she is just walking out of the doctor's office now. You could just hear the excitement bubbling in his voice. They have been married since August 8, 2008; he left for deployment less than a month later. He's been back since mid-August. I think they'll be great parents, David has always loved kids, when he was in high school and college he almost always worked as a life guard then as he got a little older he moved on to pool manager. He always had little kids follow him around both boys and girls, too cute!!! Some of the little girls cried when he finally went off to college, one said she was going to marry him when she grew up if he'd only wait for her!!! Too cute!!! He had patience for the little ones big time, he'd make them feel "all grown up" by giving them little tasks to do around the pool. On his day off he'd often go to the swim meets to see the kids swim, of course the kids thought he was the greatest ever for doing so. Funny thing is when he was a little boy he'd often follow the guards around as they did to him. They say history repeats itself, I suppose in lots of ways it does. My heart breaks that they are so very far away, so it's not as if I can just jump in my car and run over to see how her belly is growing or just take him to lunch on days he's stressed to the max over the impending birth, money, life or his job. I can't jump in my car and pick Kayla up and take her shopping for Prego lady clothes or baby clothes or just go to lunch and chill!!!! This breaks my heart, big time!!!! Here my friend’s history repeats itself once again, very close to home. Shortly after Dave and I were married we moved south. My parents baby-sat my niece and nephew, or for whatever reason it "just wasn't possible" for them to come and visit us more than once a year. Hell David was three months old before either set of grandparents laid eyes on him; it broke my heart and still does to this day, even more so now. Yes it was our choice to move far away from any and all family. Moving was not for selfish reasons at all, it was for a job for Dave, thank goodness it's been for the very best for us that we moved. But it still doesn't make it hurt any less. OK I'm getting off course here but anyway I really am hating they are so freaking dam far away. It's heart breaking to me!!!! I can tell you one thing I WILL BE THERE FOR THE BIRTH!!!!!!!!! I have to see my child child's, the day it is born, not months later. I totally understand why my parents couldn't be there, although it doesn't hurt any less. Maybe I’m being a huge baby over it, so be it. I/we are so very thankful Dave's career took us several hundred miles from where we grew up, it made us grow up. It was going to make or break us, we only had each other to rely on, nowhere to run when my feelings got hurt, it was too far, so I stayed at home with Dave and we worked it out. It's been almost 26 (November 5 it will be)and I truly believe if we hadn't moved far away we might not still be together, we were young and I was such a big baby and so loved running from what I didn't want to do, hear or see. It would have been so easy for me to run home had we still lived close to family, but we didn't and we made the best of it, we have two wonderful kids and a pretty good marriage if I must say so myself!!!!!! I keep trying to tell myself David and Kayla will do the same, it will be OK, there is UPS, Fed X and many other freight companies I can ship whatever it is I’d be purchasing for them had they been here, it's just not the same, damit all to hell and back!!!!! They will be at Pearl Harbor until October of 2010, possibly 2011 at the latest. We hope against all hope that they might get an east coast duty station after this, but nothing is promised when you work for good ole Uncle Sam. I have to say at least they have jobs and health coverage and all of that good stuff, so it could be much worse. I hate this has been sort of negative or back and forward negative and positive, but I’ve just had to get it off my chest, my fears, my memories of being so far away and not having my family anywhere near me when our first baby was born. I so didn't want that for my child, aren't you supposed to want better for your own kids???? Oh how I didn't want it to be this way!!!!!! OK enough of the negative stuff I’ve said it, it's out there. The most fab news there is, is we're going to be grandparents and life just couldn't be better. Only other news that even comes close was the news we were going to be parents ourselves!!!!! Who knew that when you had a child, you, yourself could one day become a grandparent? This is just way too cool!!!! Sorry this post is so all over the place but my brain works the way it does and sometimes it's all over the place. All this being said, sometime around May 27, 2010 we'll be in the great state of HI welcoming our very first grand baby!!!!!!!!!! I can honestly say at this point I couldn't less if it's a boy or a girl; healthy baby is all I can say I want at this point. Not that I may not change my mind later but today that's how I feel!!! Thanks for reading to the end of this all over the place post my friends. Have a wonderful weekend, it's going to rain here and we plan to stay home and just chill all weekend!!!!!! Sound good???? Oh yeah I made a huge pot of chili so we'd have food already cooked for the weekend too, yeah I’m pretty lazy or planning to be this weekend. Enjoy yours and tell me what your plans are.
Marie

I met a blogger in real life today!!!!!

Today I had privilege of meeting a blogger I've been reading for several years now; she is just as cool in person as on her blog. It was a very nice afternoon of chatting and just hanging out. I got two meet three of her kids and of course they are just as cute if not cuter in person than the photos I’ve seen of them. I sure wish they didn't live on the "wrong" coast, I think we may have been able to hang out IRL if they did. This is my very first time meeting someone in person that I "met" first on-line, just too cool. I was nervous, one because I had never met blog in real life and even though you read someone for a long time you wonder how the conversation will flow and all of that good stuff!! The conversation had no problem flowing, that's for sure!!! Monkey (not real name) was a sweet, sweet person, very friendly and very REAL, which I truly liked. As a matter of fact I don't even remember how I found her blog so many years ago. I think it's been maybe five years I've been reading her, I so wish I could remember how or where I found her but I can't and so who cares I found. She is way cool!!! I enjoyed how laid back she was and just very real, I didn't have to worry about horribly foul mouth, did I say she is real already? Ha to say the least. As I mentioned she had three of the kids with her, a 15 year old teenage girl and two sweet, sweet little boys. The boys were so well behaved, the teenager wow sweet young lady for sure!!! She took great care of the little brothers so we could just chat and chat and chat some more!! None of this complaining, "Come on mom I wanna go, I don't want to deal with the boys", NONE of that ever came out of her mouth; she was a huge help to mom and just a sweet young lady to say the least. I drove about an hour away to Columbia, SC to meet them. We lived in Columbia at one time back in the late 90's, it wasn't exactly a city we enjoyed or ever got attached to. As a matter of fact we disliked it so much we moved there in August of 1997 and moved to Greenville, SC in October of 1998, just couldn't deal with it. The city has changed to say the least and I have to say for the better!! We met at a Cracker Barrel on a side of town where Dave's office once was, a very scary side of town. I was pleasantly surprised things had changed, the "mall" on that side of town still isn't much of a "mall", but then again we didn't go there for the mall. We had lunch and chatted for a bit, then moved on to the mall so the boys could enjoy the indoor play yard. Here again the teenager was more than helpful and took good care of the boys so we could just sit back and chat. It was a great meeting; I hope it was as good for them as me!! I have some photos but I want to ask before I post any. I also have to say this person I credit for me having a blog!!! I so enjoyed reading her the good, the bad and the ugly in her life and it just amazed me, she offered several times to help me begin a blog. I never took her up on it but as soon as my first post was up I emailed her and told her I finally took the big step and it was because of her!!!

Let's see what else is going on in my life. I've now been out of the hospital for 2.5 weeks now, I had a doctor's appointment for follow-up from that admission and what do you freaking know but I’ve gotten another infection brewing!!!!!! Damit it all to hell and back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So a culture was sent and I cross all of my fingers and toes and hope that it's sensitive to something by mouth because I’ve tired of being in the hospital, it sucks and not just the food!!!!!! I go next Tuesday for testing with the surgeon that may possibly be doing my surgery. Hell who am I kidding, who IS going to do my surgery, and I’d like to think I had a choice to do or not to do. I DO have a choice, but if I don't do it, well life is going to suck as it does now. Not to mention I stand a huge chance of losing my only kidney, then I’d be really fucked!!! So I suppose I will be having surgery at some point in time this coming winter!!! Most likely after the holidays. Why after the holidays??? Because David and Kayla are coming home for the holidays!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I can't stand it. We don't have dates yet, waiting on the good ole government to approve his leave dates, which he hopes will happen this week!! To say we are looking forward to seeing those kids doesn't even come close. It seems as if it's been forever since we've seen them both. It's been since June of 2008 for David and August of 2008 for Kayla. The down side to that is Melissa is working Christmas day!!! At first I was so upset and disappointed, now I think about it and am just happy and thankful my entire family will in one place again, even if not for Christmas day!! OK, I think that's about all for now, as I always say I’m going to try to post more often. Have a great rest of the week and I hope one day I am lucky enough to meet other bloggers in real life!!!!
Marie

Such is life!

The very day after having a little more of my thumb chopped off I went to this "king of urology" at Wake Forrest University. The visit went well the physician was extremely nice, very concerned about how I felt about having surgery. Not to mention very carious as to how I got to where I am now. I laughed and said "well that makes two of us then!! I did get a good belly laugh out of him on that one. I didn't really learn anything new or really that exciting either for that matter. He took a lot of time with me, which truly impressed me, he was also concerned that I was at the appointment all by myself. Which I thought was very kind of him, I explained to him that my husband was traveling that week and since this was a last minute appointment there really wasn't any time to try to change his travel days. He even offered to have me call him and have him on a conference call for my appointment. Don't think I've ever come across a physician that kind. As I told my personal urologist he was very kind but it still doesn't make me want to have surgery!!!! Such is life though, it appears I'm going to have surgery anyway. I have no date yet I'm going back in early October for some tests, then I suppose we'll talk surgery dates, I could be wrong, we'll see. There are days that I feel as if I would be fine with the surgery and all that comes with it, so to say, then there are days when I am so pissed off that I am once again facing surgery! Again such is life and I can be as pissed off as I want to be but that isn't going to stop all of these infections and the fevers from hell, right? Right!!!!! I do have to admit these infections are getting closer and closer together, and since I'm pretty much resistant to all oral antibiotics, each new infection buys me a femoral line and at least 10 days of IV antibiotics in the hospital. I was just discharged from my last inpatient admission the very end of July. 10 days after being home I had another infection, I got really lucky with that one and was able to take oral medications to treat it. I finished up those medicines about three weeks ago if that long ago, was feeling OK, no blood, no fever, still pain but not horrible. My follow up appointment was Wednesday afternoon, wouldn't you know by Monday evening I begin having more flank pain, Tuesday I begin peeing blood and lots of, and oh great I could puke my guts up at any given second and the final blow came Wednesday morning, I wake up with a fever from hell,great, just freaking great!!!!!!!!!!! So I go to my appointment and of course I have lots of white cells and blood in urine, because I am so resistant to most antibiotics my physician is reluctant to just begin treating me. So he gives me two choices. 1) Be admitted that day and get a jump start on the infection or 2) go home and wait this out until Monday when the final culture results will be ready. Of course if I get to the point I'm puking my guts up and the pain isn't controlled with oral medications or my fever spikes higher than 101 I promised I'd call to be admitted. I really, really like my urologist, not many physicians would give the patient that much control, my first one sure didn't, it was his way or he had a freaking 2 year old temper tantrum, and no I'm not kidding nor stretching the truth even a little on this one! My fever is hanging around 100.9, I feel like total crap, I'm not puking but I'm not really eating or drinking either. My pain is bad but I can't justify being admitted just for pain control right now, maybe I just don't hurt bad enough right now, or maybe I'm just so used to dealing with horrible pain everyday I've gotten used to it, who knows. I just know this sucks, this is not the way I'd choose to live my life. The good news is that I have a totally supportive husband who will support whatever I choose to do as far as surgery goes. So in looking at things on the "bright side" this too shall pass. I have a feeling I'll be back in the hospital by the beginning of the week. If this happens it happens, if it doesn't and I'm able to treat my infection with oral antibiotics I'm a very lucky girl, agree?? OK enough crappy crap!!!
In other news in our house our daughter is back at home with for a short time. I love her more than life itself but................it's hard as hell to live with her!!!!!!!! Man I forgot what it was like to have to pick up after someone or to have "stuff" just laying around here and there, why oh why can't she just put her "stuff" where it belongs???????????? She is supposed to be saving her money to purchase a house of her own, I'm not so sure this is going to happen, only time will tell. She isn't really saving her money which makes me think she is so sure that Dave and I are going to begin paying for her apartment or housing or whatever she decides to do. I am here to tell you, oh she is so WRONG!!!!! Don't get me wrong we've put both of our kids through college and helped them get "started" in life, but once you finish college and you have an adult job you are so on your own!!! As it should be in my book. Of course we'll help her purchase large ticket items if she needs the help BUT, she has to "help us help her" (Dave's tag line) which I totally I agree with. If we keep shelling money out she'll keep "needing our help". As for the dogs in our home, that's another thing she isn't going to like, but such is life!!!!!!! When she moves she HAS to take her dog with her, he can no longer stay with us, he can come and visit when she does but other than that, nope I'm finished with him!!!!! You know I only began life with two thumbs and thanks to her dog I now only have one, a big reason he can't stay here any more!!! I'm afraid of him, he's a huge dog and I think he knows I'm afraid of him, he gives me a hard time not listening and just stands there looking at me like I speak a different language then he does. Does he do that crap to Dave or Melissa, HELL NO!!! I didn't "sign up" to care for him, I told her he could come here and visit and he hasn't freaking left!!! It's more than time for him to leave, don't you think????? I'm really worried about her keeping him to tell the truth, I'm so afraid he'll bite someone else. I don't know the ins and outs of "once a biter always a biter", but I do know I'm afraid of him and he stares my down when I tell him something, and I know that isn't good!!! Anyone care to enlighten me on that subject, please do tell, I'm really interested. But let me say this first, he still isn't living here any longer!! Man I must be a mean mom, again, "such is life"!!
If you've continued to read this rambling mess of a post, thanks!! I'm sort of all over the place sorry but my mind is sort like that right now too. I'm really going to try to post more often maybe I'll feel better getting stuff off my chest and it won't take me hours to write just one post. That's my plan, let's see if I can stick to it. Have a great week everyone and thanks again for taking your time to read.
Marie

Does it ever end??????????????

Since the news I have to share about my thumb pretty much sucks, I'll begin with something wonderful first. David is back from Iraq!!!!!!!!!! He is back to his wife in HI and has been since this past weekend!!!!!!! This is one relived mom, that's for sure!! In other good news, Melissa is back home for a few weeks. We are looking for a small house for her to either rent or purchase. She needs to be closer to work and school, but her apartment just wasn't working out. She has a huge dog that needs lots of running room and an apartment just doesn't allow for that. We have a few leads on houses both to purchase and or rent. Something to lease or rent to own would be a good start for a young person just starting out. Hope we find her something soon she has a 2 plus hour drive from our house to work. When she works her normal shifts she only works two days one week and three the following. Which is great because if she had to drive that everyday, gas would eat her profits. Everyone and then she'll work a 48 hour shift, which is even less driving, she loves her job!! It is giving her a wide variety of experience for her nursing classes, which is good. I just hope she doesn't "burn-out" working as many hours as she is working right now as well as trying to go to school full time. She is one busy little girl. Well maybe not a little girl but my little girl anyway, no matter how old she gets 22 or 42!! Now on to the news that sucks!! I'm sure everyone remembers the dog bite back in early May, then the removal of part of my thumb at the end of May. Well the very tip of the thumb heals and then breaks open and bleeds. I thought this maybe due to the skin being so thin on the top and that with time it would heal and be fine. As time goes on this hasn't happened. The thumb is also very swollen still. So off to the hand surgeon I go, knowing full well something wasn't exactly right. I was so right but had no idea what the real deal was. It appears the jagged portion of the bone that was bitten off and then part of it was removed during surgery, has become jagged once again. Two pieces of that jagged bone has broken off and is trying to work it's way through the skin. Which explains why it heals and breaks open as well as the reason for it being so swollen three month after surgery! So on Friday I will have those pieces of the bone removed, I don't know how much more of the thumb I'll lose. If he can save the first knuckle I'll have a pin put in it, due to the break from the bite. My thumb was broken in three places one portion of that break was removed when he removed part of my thumb, another break has broken into pieces which will be removed an the final break is the knuckle that hasn't healed well, which is where he'll place the pin to hold it together. So that's how I'll be spending my Friday, sounds fun huh??? NOT!! Take care all.
Marie

Where has the summer gone? Where has the time gone???

Wow, it's August already, where has time gone? Summer is my most favorite time of the year, I so love to tan, yeah I know it's not exactly "healthy" but one must have some bad habits. Hubby took a few days off early in the week, we thought about going away but the packing and unpacking and getting there and back just didn't seem to very appealing. So we strayed home and it was lots of fun, we didn't do much of anything, Dave does tons of yard work like he always does when he's off, then in the afternoons we chilled in the pool. That's my most favorite thing to do, the sun beating down on you and the cool pool water, oh just the most fab thing the world!!!! Then each evening he cooked our meals, well grilled our meals, they were most fab as always. Having a husband who cooks and enjoys doing so it just great, of course he prefers to cook on the grill, but hey it's always good so who cares how or where he cooks it, you know? I'm missing my kiddos something horrible!!!!!!!!!!! Our son is still awaiting a flight out of Iraq along with numerous other soldiers. It's been something like 8 days they have been waiting for a flight, there is always something that causes them not to get a flight out. Tomorrow well I suppose today since it's after midnight is his first anniversary, he's spent most of his first year of marriage deployed. I just hope and pray that he'll have many, many more happy anniversaries in which he is at home (where ever that may be)with his wife. I'm telling you it's got to be hard for her to be so freaking far away from anyone family or anyone she knows and it be your very first anniversary and your husband is in Iraq. Although it sucks, at least we can say he is safe at this minute and he will be back to the states safe and sound very soon, much sooner rather than later!!! Our daughter Melissa has a new full time job, and is still going to school full time. Needless to say she has no time for anything and that includes seeing her parents!!! My heart is breaking because I miss our kids. That sounds silly I'm sure, but it's been weeks since I've last seen Melissa at least two weeks before I was in the hospital and I'll have been home from there two weeks this Monday, so yeah it's been a long time, I miss her. I miss our son. I am thankful that they both are happy and safe and are being productive adults in jobs they both love. I suppose a parent really can't ask for much more than that huh?? For that, I am truly happy for them and feel blessed to have had the chance to raise two productive adults. Damit, I just wish they were both closer or could at least come for a visit, even a short visit would be great!! So that's where I am in my nice little boring life!! To add a little more stress to my life and make it not so boring I have a follow up with urologist on Monday, I suppose he'll give me the information about seeing the new surgeon who will possibly be doing my surgery. Some days I am so ready to go and have it done and move on and other days I'm dreading it and can find every single reason under the sun as to why I don't need, don't want, shouldn't have the surgery. I try very hard to make my mind walk away from those thoughts, it's not always easy. To say I'm stressed as hell doesn't even come close, I'm scared of everything that goes with surgery and then some. Seeing a new physician is also making my stress level increase a good bit as well. Once the surgery is over and I've recovered a good bit I'll be discharged back to my personal urologist, which makes me very happy, I really like him and feel as if I can trust him and talk to him about anything. He keeps assuring me that the surgeon he is sending me to is a good guy also and that he'll be just as easy to talk to and all of that good stuff, only time will tell!! OK, I'm out of here because I'm rambling like a crazy person, ha ha!!!!! I'm trying to come here and write more often, maybe get some of stress out and to use this as record of the time before during and after my surgery. Maybe one day I can help someone facing the surgery and same fears, issues, whatever, again only time will tell! Have a most wonderful weekend, I plan to have a very relaxed weekend spent floating around the pool.