July 7, 1980 "The Good Ole Days"!!!!

I suppose I could begin by saying the rest is history of the story of my life?? Both would certainly be very true. I wrote an our story or how we met post a while back, which brings me to tomorrow 33 years hubby and I began. Wozzer that's a long time ago lots has happen, the good, the bad, the ugly and the very very ugly he's been right there by my side. We've been a team ever since I'd be selling a huge lie if I said its been a bed of roses so I won't. I will sell the truth, it's been stars, moons, roses, thorns, lots of thorns, kids, pets and grand kids!!! Hey who allowed those sweet lil babies of mine to grow up and have one of them have sweet lil babies of his own?? It's been said many times the years fly but the days drag, true and false honestly I think at times it's the opposit. I'm often asked if given the chance would I change anything, I have to say no. Everything happens for a reason or so I have always thought. I try very hard to live my life with no regrets, I said try didn't say always. I think I love my husband more now than the day we married, there have been times over the years I've not liked him much but I've never "fallen out of love" with him. He is truly my very best friend in the "whole wide world", (our very sweet 3 yr old g/daughter says "Moodie" is her bestest friend in the whole wide world) melts my freaking ice freaking cold heart every single time I hear her say it. "Moodie" really is "Moonie" our mini beagle, it's very sweet to watch those two, oh man tears again, dam it dam it dam it!!! TEARS!!! FYI.....are the main reason I broke my most recent promise of trying to blog more often, I mean hell there's more than enough sad crap, poor my crap going on in everyone's world. So I keep my sad crap wrapped up tightly in my chest, no a great idea but between that and sucky health I've shed about 40 pounds since February. Oh those reasons as well as I really would like to move my blog so I can have the option of password posts if I so choose. But I'm not bright enough to figure out how to do so, any volunteers or suggestions as to how to do, I'm all ears! This is all over the place, sorry exactly how my heart and brain have been, plus I am using mobile blogger for the first time and it's not allowing me paragraphs nor allowing me to copy and paste my ramblings. Yup I'm lazy and that's how I write my posts in the middle of this thought, oh yeah gotta write this next or I'll forget so I do so then just copy and paste and move it it's own paragraph or one I've already rambled a bit in. Excuses, excuses yup I'm full of those right this very second too!! OK let's move this back to a happy postive post as I promised myself it would be!! So suggests/advice on our 30th freaking wedding anniversary coming up quickly in November, November 5 to be exact. Fab vaca? Renew our vows? Fab presents for each, we normally don't exchange gifts goes back to single income hubby in school raising babies and being even poorer than we currently are. Once things got "better" financially we continued this and used that dollars for fab vacas for the hubs and I!!! Yup we were some of those horrible, horrible parents who took kid free vacas!! FYI, I'd do it all over again only sooner than we actually did so. Of course we always took kid vacas too, but it still pissed our female off spring off, ha still pisses her lil ole 25 year old self off!! That makes me laugh as well as give her grief when she vacas without us, which is any and all of hers!! Although if ever invited I'd very politely decline and offer to pup sit, I don't do backpack camping, 25 plus mile hikes and climbing of randome rocks here and there and every where along this fine US of A!! Here goes another ramble.......I need one day to write a post on her travels, trust me they are mostly last second, not even minute and always always on very minimal dollars!!! Oh the time my lil traveler, her friend and said friends sweet lil 2 yr old traveled to FL with a total of maybe $200, likely less!!! Oh my, considering my child no doubt they would have been OK, but I wasn't OK come on they had a baby camping and it was hot!!! So I transferred a lil cash, yes they were very thankful, especially on their way home when they had to use some for gas!! Much to their sorrow because they were planning to save said dollars for another fun adventure!!! Oh man my nerves!!!! OK rambling all finished, well not really but at least for now. I really, really, really am serious about your suggestions/advice on the moving of my blog and the anniversary debate, help please!!! Another reason I'd like to move this is I'm rethinking being so out there about my identy, not that I have anything to hid or as if it's not freaking crazy easy to figure out stuff these days, there's just "things/events I'd like to blog about and don't want everyone to read. It's not as if anyone reads this crap anyway but one never can be sure and no matter what happens, ever I just don't and never, ever will trust let's just say someone who may or may not be reading!!! See told you I had more ramblings, ha ha. So brainstorm and get back to me, please?? Hubby happy dating anniversary I love you more now than the day we married and thanks for loving my very unlovable at times self!!! Me

I'm not exactly sure where to even begin!

My last post spoke of a wonderful vacation we had just returned from enjoying. Man do I wish I could say we were once again headed on vacation. Lots has gone on since that time, last summer was a typical summer for us, we spent time traveling to see our grown children. That's always fun for sure!! We were blessed with a beautiful grand son in late October, oh how handsome that lil guy is!! His big sister could mostly take him or leave him, cute for sure. I wish were could spend more time with those sweet lil ones, I'd go to the moon and back for them. It's very bitter sweet knowing they are all so close but out of our reach, just heart breaking. I can only hope and pray that one day things change and we are once again able to see the kids. I wonder non stop exactly what the almost three year old is being told when she askes for me-me and poppi. I may not want to know what she's being told, which again is heart breaking. My favorite sister and aunt came to spend my birthday with me in October, wonderful feeling to know they drove all the way here just to see us!! Their trip was cut short by someone who is a bit spoiled as well as selfish. Hindsight is 10/20 as they say and it certainly. I can say that I refuse to ever ask my house guests to leave early for any reason and certainly it won't happened just because someone who doesn't even live in my house, "didn't want to deal with company"! As my father often said, "you live and learn" and he couldn't be any more correct. It was a nice visit with both of them while it lasted and I hope to be going to see them very soon. Around my birthday in October our 8 year old beagle was dx with congestive heart failure and given 3-6 months to live. We gave her lots of different meds, nothing really appeared to help our poor girl!! It was very sad to watch her go down hill. Somewhere around the first of March she took a turn for the worse and we knew things weren't good. I took her in and we did some med changes and if possible gave her even more love. Much to my sorrow it just wasn;t meant to be, she lost her two days later. Heart breaking to say the least, we have comfort in knowing she wasan't made to suffer and she had a fab life with us and was very much loved!! As far as my health, still good and bad days here and there. In Janaury I had a very long and scaary hospital stay for approximately 27 days or so. Those days were spent between ICU and step down ICU, not my idea of fun at all. It took me until the last Friday of February to be able to say, "you know I really think I feel better". Truly a very scary time to say the least. I was again readmitted in mid April for about a week. So very glad it didn't drag out as the Janauray admission had. I think this is pretty much the cliff notes of what's been going on in my life. I could or shall I say I wish I could go into way more details with certian issues but am fearful of who maybe reading. Not that I have a single thing to hide, but it's just not worth the drama anymore. I don't think the person I'm concerned may be reading but I'm not THAT conviced, so until I can figure out my traffic and stuff like that, this is how it's going to be!! Maybe I could look into pass word protected posts or anyone else have any good suggestions? I could be wrong but I don't think Blogger offers pass word protected posts. There have been way too many times where I'd love to have written just so I can keep track of the time line of events, but again that fearfulness that someone maybe reading just waiting to cause even more drama, and I refuse to be put in that place once again. Some very good things have transpired during this time as well, such as our lil beagle who was so very sick back in Novemeber of 2012. You may remember she was sropped off at a firestation a very, very sick lil girl!! They said she was 2.5 months old but only weighed 3.1 pounds. Long story short or you could go back and read Moon Beam's posts, we ended up finding out a few weeks later that she was only 21 days old when dropped off. The slackers who dropped her off orgianlly were "kind" enough to bring her AKC papers by a few weeks later. Anyway we strugged, she struggled for months of being ill, just one thing after the other, the poor lil girl had it rough!! Then she was a horrible eater and well know she's spoiled rotten to say the least. Isn't such a great eater even today but we can deal with that as long as we can keep her healthy!! She finally has been well long enough that we had her spay and her extra teeth removed a few weeks ago. Talk about funny, she never lost her baby "K-9's" before her adult ones came in. I truly think that was a huge deal with her eating issues, or shall I say I thought!! She does eat better as I said but never have I met a beagle who turns food down!!!! Intereting fact: she begs for your drink!! Yup drink, doesn't matter what I happen to be drinking she wants some of it!!! Nuts???? I say yes!!! OK well I think that's all for now, any suggestions on the pass word thing or how to figure out who is or isn't reading would be most helpful to me. The little detail I've already written I can say I do feel a bit better and I can only imagine if given the chance to get even more off my chest would be such a freeing feeling!! Marie

Time flies when you are and aren't having fun!!!

Wow, my last posting was in February, I wish I could say I've been away doing busy stuff, but that wouldn't exactly be the truth. So basically I've been up to the same old same old around here. Let's exactly what I have been up to; I spent several days in the hospital somewhere around February or maybe that was January, who knows anymore I've in so much they just seem to all run together. I've done a few rounds of IV antibiotics while at home as well for kidney infections, what else??? Of course! Let's see what else, we went to Norfolk in March to see our son off for his deployment to Afghanistan. Our daughter in law and grand daughter have spent some time with. That sweet lil girl is growing so fast, she's such big girl these days, she is trying really hard to feed herself. I'm pretty sure she is going to be a lefty, which makes Dave and I very happy considering we are both lefties. We are dog sitting our fur-grand kids until daughter in law and baby get settled into base housing. Not sure how long that will be, but to say we have a house full of dogs is an understatement. Interestingly enough none of the four dogs that are here originally belonged to Dave and I. We do claim two of them now though, a sweet lil mutt and a fluffy lil beagle, now add an 82 pound shepherd and an 8 pound lil hot dog to the mix, it all equals dog over load!!! Everyone gets along fairly well, the mutt and shepherd have a few issues every now and then but for the most part they all just hang out together. Lil miss So-Co the beagle has been on a diet for about two weeks now, not sure she has lost anything yet, but there is hope considering she is eating a high dollar dog food from the vet. She was on this food in the past and lost about six pounds and has since gained it back. So I'm hoping to get her down 7 or so pounds to give her a little lead way, ha ha!! Our dal was on this diet food and lost a lot of weight, fairly quickly, the beagle doesn't seem to be losing a quickly as the dal. I also give her a 1/2 of cup of green beans with her meals to make up for the reduced amount of dog food. She loves them, eats those first before even touching the dog food. Then everyone gets carrots for snacks, so far everyone loves those too. Another fun thing I have been doing is meeting two friends for lunch every Wednesday, it's fun and it gets me out of the house. We call it, "our hen lunch", well that's only because Dave called it that first!!! Which is nice before there are days, sometimes several days at a time I find myself at home. Which really isn't such a huge deal for the most part but there are times where I feel as if there walls are closing in on me and if I don't get out of this soon it isn't going to be pretty!! Summer is normally one of my favorite times of the year, fall being second favorite. Although it seems over the years that as my renal function decrease I am much less tolerant of the heat. So I don't tend to spend much time outside these days unless it's spent in the pool or walking for a bit in the late evenings. I suppose that is just about everything "new' over the last few months, see it's really nothing new!!! Check back very soon, maybe even later tonight or early tomorrow for a new post, yes could be two in one day after all of this time!! I wanted to write a post back in February, actually on Valentine's day about Dave and how we met and all of that good stuff, but I never got around to it. Today is as good a day as any considering way, way back in the wonderful 80's to be exact on this very day in 1980 Dave and I had our very first "date" if you can call it that. It's sort of interesting as well as funny but very scary at one point as well. So do click back for a look "back in the day", when I thought I had it oh so hard. Yeah right I'd go back to that day anytime, well that is if at some point I'd still have my fabo kids and all that great stuff. But then again, maybe I don't want to go back in the day, it's always fun to look back a few years. You know back in the day when you knew it all and didn't want to hear another word of advice from your parents??? Yup those days!!! OK, I hope you will click back and I promise to have it posted by this time tomorrow if not sooner. Have a fabo late afternoon, I'm off to get a mani and pedi!!!!

My little blue friend

Where the heck has the time gone??? Every day since I’ve been home from the hospital I have thought about posting, but you know how best laid plans go, huh? There is nothing new going on here, same old same old which I suppose I should be thankful for. Dave (hubby) has been busy as ever at the office!!! They have new computer software system that has been instated the first week of January, and since then he has been busier than I don’t even know what!! I feel really bad for him, as if the new software isn’t enough of an issue it’s “month end close”. Those that are in or have been sales I’m sure know exactly what I’m talking about, HELL!!! Again we need to be thankful that they have so much business that they are busy and he has lots of orders coming in but……it’s hard to see him stressed out and so tired. You can just look at him and see how mentally tired he is, I wish I could change things for him. We are very thankful for the fact that he does have a job; we know many, many people out there don’t have jobs and I feel bad complaining about it. I know he isn’t getting good restful sleep because he tosses and turns and is just really restless. I hope he’ll get some good down time this weekend; we have no plans except to have a cookout at our neighbors. Yes I said a cookout at the end of January!!!!!! It is supposed to be like 60 degrees all weekend, so we’ll all pretend its spring or early summer and wear a light weight jacket and enjoy the company and good food!!!
Wednesday of next week we are going to visit our son and his wife and our sweet lil grand daughter!!!!! That little has totally stolen my heart!!! I got a call the weekend I was in the hospital that Caroline had stood up in her crib, my sweet lil girl!!! Kayla (daughter in law) walked into her room to get her after a nap and as she walked in the door Caroline just grabbed the top rail of her crib and stood up!!! Man where has the time gone??? She will be eight months old on the 12th of February; Kayla said one day last week she was just chilling on the floor with her feet in her month and she just sat up and then stood all by herself!!!!!!! Of course it was only for a split second, she just may walk before her daddy leaves for deployment!!! I don’t want to rush her along but I really would like for him to see her walk for the first time. She cracks me up with her crawling, she just gets on all fours and rocks back and forth, then when she’s ready for takeoff she drops down to her tummy and tucks her left arm under her belly and tummy/army crawls any where she wants to go. If she gets tired of tummy crawling she rolls where ever she wants to go, smart lil girl!!!! I can’t wait to get there to visit so I can give Kayla a break, Caroline isn’t sleeping well at all! She goes down between 8:30 and 9:30 and sleeps until around midnight or one AM, then it seems as if it’s every hour she is awake. She’s not hungry when she wakes up because she isn’t interested in a bottle all she does is scream at the top of her lungs. Kayla has tried everything we can think of to help her sleep, from playing soft music, letting her cry it out, repositioning her and putting her little blanket back over her, and who knows what else. I feel really, really bad for Kayla I mean we all need our sleep and as much as she says she is OK I know it has to be getting to her!! Caroline went in for her six month check up in January and they said all was well with her, although Kayla did call for an appointment today because Caroline has been pulling on her ears a lot of this sleep thing is getting worse and worse instead of better. That crazy military insurance they are covered by said that they didn’t have anything open for her until Monday!!!!!!!! Monday, who the heck wants to go all weekend with a possible ear infection??? Our son even came home from work early and went to medical to see what he could do if anything and they told him they were sorry but it was Friday and too late in the day for her to be seen today!!! Man, it’s a good thing that wasn’t me because I’d probably get kicked out of the Navy for going nuts. It just bugs me to no end when I hear they have told Kayla “well since she doesn’t have a fever and is eating and drinking she should be fine until Monday”!!! Oh yeah also if she gets worse over the weekend take her to the ER, that as a health care professional pisses me off to no end!!! That is abuse of the ER if you ask me, and that is why the ER’s all over the country are so overbooked and in such horrible states that patients die awaiting care at times. Why bother assigning them a primary care physician if you can’t get in when you need to?? OK I’m finished my rant here, sorry but the health care system in this country leaves a lot to be desired!!! I should and am very thankful for my own health coverage as well as the kids having coverage but they make it so dang hard to use.
As I mentioned a few posts ago that I had planned to talk to my physician about a possible anti-depressant because I just didn’t feel like “me”. Well I’ve been taking it since January sixth and although I am slightly afraid to jinx myself, I have to say that I do feel as if it may be working. I have no clue long it’s supposed to take, I’ve never taken anything like this before so, any suggestions I’m open for them. So the good doc gave me Zoloft and I suppose it’s like most of the drugs in that class that take about four weeks or so to get to a good therapeutic level in ones system. Again open for suggestions from any and all!! I have not felt like sleeping all day long, I have more desire to get up and do stuff instead of just sitting around watching TV all day. I have to say I was a little concerned last week that maybe I was wasting my time and money on this medication because I felt so bad and had little no energy; but I think that was just my body recovering from the kidney infection and sepsis (infection in my blood). The very beginning of this week I felt much better overall, I was up and out of bed by nine AM, which I can live with since I do tend to go to bed very late. In the past several weeks/months I wouldn’t get up until close to noon or even later, my sleep was often broken up. I’d go to bed and fall asleep fairly early like 9ish and then be wide awake by midnight, so I’d watch TV for a few hours, then Dave’s alarm would go off around five AM and I’d often stay awake until he left close to seven and then I’d just go back to sleep until whenever. Then I’d get up and feel like crap because one I’d slept the day away, secondly, I had no desire to get dressed. Often times I’d stay in my jammies until late afternoon or just before Dave was due home, then I’d shower and just put clean jammies back on, well of course that just made me feel even worse! Normally I get a haircut every four weeks five at the very most; I had even begun skipping those. I had a hair cut this past Tuesday and it’s my first since mid November, that’s just not me. I also normally would get a mani/pedi about every two to three weeks, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d had either done and they so looked it too!!! I called this week my maintance week, since I was having a hair cut, highlights and a mani/pedi and I do have stay they have all made me feel very good!!!! Every day this week I have not only gotten a shower and gotten dressed I even put make up on!!! Last night I was thinking about this past week; and I have to I was sort of impressed with myself I had gotten dressed and all, but then I thought well hell you only got dressed because you had places to go! Well flash forward to today I had no place to go, no one was coming over no plans at all and guess what????????? I not only got a shower and got dressed I put make up on and did my hair all before noon!!!! I even put “real” clothes on, clothes I could and would wear outside of the house if need be. Therefore I sort of feel as if things may be looking brighter and I have to say I like me this way!!!! It’s been a long time coming and I really didn’t realize how long it had really been until I began to sort of come out of “it”. When I think about it I want to beat myself up over the fact that I have to take a drug to make me feel “better” or more myself, when I really know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I feel embarrassed about it; don’t know why because I know more people who take something along those lines than don’t. I’ve had the very same conversation with them as I have with myself. That if taking the medication makes you feel better or feel as if you can face life again, who cares just take and be happy you feel better!! I keep telling myself that, every single time I want to beat me up over this stupid little blue pill!!!! Crazy, stupid, nutty I know; for feeling that way, but often times one’s mind can play nasty little tricks on you!! So that’s my ramblings about my little blue pill, I have to say I am so very thankful to it right now and no matter how much I want to beat myself up over taking I won’t allow it, it’s not a big deal I refuse to allow it to rule my life!! I also look at it like, I take several different medications for high blood pressure, renal failure and a whole host of other things, I don’t beat myself up about taking those, so why should I feel that way about my little blue pill/friend???? Any thoughts on my ramblings as I said before I’m open, even suggestions!!! Just no hate mail, even though I sort of feel as if I’m on the upside of the downslide, hate mail just may drop me back over to the other side again!!!!
I hope everyone has the most wonderful weekend; it’s going to be in the 60’s this weekend. I plan to make the most of it and just go for it!!!
Marie

Just another day in my life................

So I went to the doctors yesterday for this creeping crud I’ve had for a few weeks. I was lucky enough for my “cold” to turn into pneumonia in my left lung, just a small area so not terribly bad. Enough to make my short of breathe doing anything but sitting on my lazy butt, such is life!! I’m taking lots of medicines and I think the prednisone she gave has decreased some of the inflammation because my chest doesn’t feel as tight today as it has been. All good things, right??? Well one would think all good until they looked at my right lung, it has what they called a “mass” yesterday, but today when she called me with lab results she told me it calls it a “nodule”, basically something that shouldn’t be there no matter what they freaking want to call the dam thing if you ask me!!!!!! So I had several labs drawn the normal ones and then one called a “CEA” anyway it looks for “tumor load” in your body that maybe cancerous. My level came back very LOW, which makes me want to run and jump and say yippee, and all of that good stuff, but remember I’m a little SOB (no not son of a bitch, well that too but, short of breathe is what I was going for there). At some point after I’m over this little pneumonia I’ll have a CT scan and possibly a biopsy depending on exactly what they see. I feel better after getting the labs back but still am stressing a bit, I keep trying to remind myself that I’ve had two chest tubes in that lung as well as several blood clots that can cause scaring. All of which a plain old chest X-ray can’t truly distinguish between, so we wait and hope and pray and all of that good stuff!!!!!

OK, now on to some wonderful news on So-Co my famous beagle!!!!!!!!! Let me say I had a very long talk with her and told her that her peeing in the house was getting old as hell. She appears to understand what I’m saying. She tried to give me that crap about it being cold outside and or raining or snowing or any combo and how would I feel if I had to do my personal/private business outside in those conditions. I gently reminded her she was a D-O-G; she wasn’t impressed by me saying that. I made a deal with her if she would potty outside I drag myself outside with her each and every time I put her out. She seems to b e thinking this is a fabo idea, why you might ask????? Well first because she hasn’t had any more “accidents on purpose” in the house since the day of her post last week. I take that as a good sign she “gets it”. Don’t want to jinx us or anything like that but if I have to go out with this crazy dog each time to keep my carpets and my marriage healthy than that’s what I’ll do. I really think her “deal” is that she goes outside and just runs around and plays and sniffs to be sure no one that hasn’t supposed to be has been in her yard. I now let her out and allow her to run around a few minutes (if it’s not too cold or raining) then I say So-Co go potty, hurry lets go potty, she looks at me like I’m nuts but does follow through. It may take her a minute or three to find that right spot but she goes, so who cares, right?? Interestingly enough she has also taken it upon herself to bug me while I’m reading or playing around my computer to let me know she needs to go out!!!! She comes up and hits me with her paw, So-Co code for I need or want something, then runs to the top of the steps and waits for me to open the doggie gate and allow her downstairs. Baby steps, baby steps!! I just hope it all continues because you know I am sort of attached to my marriage and I have been enjoying clean carpets too!!! Her diet of a ½ c of green beans and a ½ c diet dog food seems to be going very well!! She had lost a good bit of weight, which was like 4 pounds or so a while back. Then I was in the hospital again for a while and she sort of somehow always seems to get off her diet during those times. I’m not sure how much she weighs right now but I know she’s too heavy because her clothes seem to be tight for the most part. Yes I said clothes, a girls gotta cover her goods up can’t be showing everything she has to the world out there!!! I’ve asked her to save herself for marriage or at least try to do so!! I know she’s not hugely over weight but I know beagles tend to gain as they get older and I don’t want her to have to lug around any extra weight than she has to, as for us humans it’s not very good for us. Me included but heck that’s a whole nether story in itself!!!

Since this seems to be an update post I might as well also mention that I asked the doctor yesterday for some “nut-nut” meds, OK, first of all I mean this in a jokingly way only!!!!!!!!! I do take mental health very seriously as one should, it just makes me feel better to call it that and since it’s my blog I can. So with that said she gave me a script for Zoloft, anyone out there ever tried it???? Feel free to give me any info, good, bad or the ugly. I’ve never really taken anything like this. Back when our son was deployed I did take Ativan everyone once in a while when I just couldn’t turn my mind off or when we hadn’t heard from him in several days and my crazy mind played horrible tricks on me. So we’ll see if it does anything for me, I suppose it may take a week or two or three before I really notice any difference. If I don’t feel any different in about a month or so I’ll just go back and see what else we could change it to or maybe even just not take anything we’ll see what happens. I will be sure that I cover all of that with my doctor first. You know sometimes doctors have no sense of humor when it comes to a non-compliant patient, I don’t understand why, NOT, it would bug me too!!!

OK my little friends I’m finished rambling along here, but before I close I’m sure interested to know who from Russia and Denmark have been reading my blog!!!! Mainly just because I’m being nosey, but also because I think it’s pretty cool that someone all the way over there found my lil ole blog in SC!!!! Have a wonderful weekend, stay warm my friends in the cold parts and the ones in the warm well I guess even though I’m jealous you enjoy your warmness!!!! They say we may get a little of the white stuff, all it will do is make a huge mess of traffic and the grocery stores I’m sure!!!!
Later,
Marie
Pictured above So-Co in nite-nite shirt!!! You know you love a nice dressed beagle!!! Go ahead and admit it, I'll wait!!!!

Still on "baby watch"

Well my friends still no baby Sunday was the due date. Of course we all know that babies come when they are good and ready and not a second before. Not to mention she's a first baby so I don't know of many first babies who come on the due date. I told Kayla to walk and walk, and keep walking and when she's tired to walk some more!!! She didn't like that idea but how many 9 month preggo's would like that idea, right??
I guess I should let you know what "kind" of grand-baby we are getting huh? We are having a baby girl. Her name will be Caroline Nicole. She will be a first grand-baby on both sides. Kayla's parents are there and have been for about a week, I have to say I don't know if I'm jealous or just frustrated that we can't be there. Most likely a little of both, don't you think?? We had plans to be there in early July and be there for three weeks. Oh man just think three weeks of just taking in that sweet smell of a brand spanking new baby!!! Nothing like the smell of a baby right after a bath!!!! We didn't plan on being there when the baby was born, for many reasons; mainly one can deal with only so much company at one time!! Plus they made their plans before we did so what do you do?? Her parents should get to go first, right? Another reason is I don't want to have to share her with anyone when I do get to see her, so why not go once the other family has left, sound good huh?????
The reason we can't go is out of my hands, although it is sort of my fault if you look at it that way, which I do, my husband and son and daughter in law, do not look at it as my fault. Which is nice and I'm glad and all of that good stuff but I still feel horribly guilty that we can't make it. Back when I was in the hospital about three weeks or so ago, after much thought and even more tears I gave in and allowed them to put a port in my arm for IV access to make it easier to have IV access. My reason for not wanting it was because I've had numerous blood clots as a result of these wonderful ports and I was afraid I'd end up with one. Wouldn't you know about a week after I was discharged my arm began getting hot to the touch, red, and just throbbing like crazy!! I knew what the deal was before I even went to the doctors, so I went in they confirmed my fear, yes I did have a clot it was caught early enough that we could use a clot buster to break it up, great. We were all pleased it went so smoothly, until the next day and my arm hurts and all the same issues have returned. Another doctor’s visit and an ultra sound later confirms there is a smaller clot behind the port, can't remove the clot or use a clot bluster because it's behind and not easily reachable!!!! So what does this have to do with me going to HI to see our new grand-baby??? Flying could cause the clot to travel, to my heart, lungs, brain among the super bad places for it travel while I'm flying. I have a 70% chance of the clot traveling if I fly so as much as I want to go and as guilty as I feel about not going it's just not safe. Our son and daughter in law have been very understanding about this. That makes me feel good but I still feel guilty, and wonder what others are thinking as to why we aren't going to HI. Normally I could give a flying fuck what others think about me but for some reason this time it's really bothering me. I'm sure others will think, "can you believe she isn't going to see her grand-baby born or what kind of grand-parents are they going to be not even going to visit when she is first born. Those and many other things travel through my mind daily!! Sucks big time!!! I try to reason with myself which isn't very easy and tell myself David and Kayla know why we aren't there and they understand and don't want me to risk it and so who gives a flying fuck what others think, you know??? So that's where I am now.
I'll be back to let all of you know when she makes her appearance into this most fab world!!!! Have a most wonderful day my friends. As I mentioned I'm trying to be a better blogger but this next week I don't know how often I'll post my oldest sister and her son are coming for a visit and we have a few thing planned. That is if I'm feeling up to it, my feelings on that are I'm going to plan on feeling GREAT and if not we'll deal with whatever comes our way!!!! If I don’t make it back this week I’ll just have a long post by the time I do get back.

Marie

This is way too cool, a new chapter in our life!!!!

That beautiful couple above are about to make Dave and I grandparents!!!!!!!!! We are so excited I can't stand it!!!! If I have to say so myself I think they'll make beautiful babies!!! They are excited beyond words, Kayla is excited, happy and SCARED to death, and David on the other hand is on cloud nine!!! He was so cute when he called me yesterday; I answered the phone the usual how are you doing/what are you doing, but before I could even say a word after he asked those questions he blurted out, "yeah um so Kayla's pregnant"!!!!! I was like no way sweeties are you kidding me????? He said nope she is just walking out of the doctor's office now. You could just hear the excitement bubbling in his voice. They have been married since August 8, 2008; he left for deployment less than a month later. He's been back since mid-August. I think they'll be great parents, David has always loved kids, when he was in high school and college he almost always worked as a life guard then as he got a little older he moved on to pool manager. He always had little kids follow him around both boys and girls, too cute!!! Some of the little girls cried when he finally went off to college, one said she was going to marry him when she grew up if he'd only wait for her!!! Too cute!!! He had patience for the little ones big time, he'd make them feel "all grown up" by giving them little tasks to do around the pool. On his day off he'd often go to the swim meets to see the kids swim, of course the kids thought he was the greatest ever for doing so. Funny thing is when he was a little boy he'd often follow the guards around as they did to him. They say history repeats itself, I suppose in lots of ways it does. My heart breaks that they are so very far away, so it's not as if I can just jump in my car and run over to see how her belly is growing or just take him to lunch on days he's stressed to the max over the impending birth, money, life or his job. I can't jump in my car and pick Kayla up and take her shopping for Prego lady clothes or baby clothes or just go to lunch and chill!!!! This breaks my heart, big time!!!! Here my friend’s history repeats itself once again, very close to home. Shortly after Dave and I were married we moved south. My parents baby-sat my niece and nephew, or for whatever reason it "just wasn't possible" for them to come and visit us more than once a year. Hell David was three months old before either set of grandparents laid eyes on him; it broke my heart and still does to this day, even more so now. Yes it was our choice to move far away from any and all family. Moving was not for selfish reasons at all, it was for a job for Dave, thank goodness it's been for the very best for us that we moved. But it still doesn't make it hurt any less. OK I'm getting off course here but anyway I really am hating they are so freaking dam far away. It's heart breaking to me!!!! I can tell you one thing I WILL BE THERE FOR THE BIRTH!!!!!!!!! I have to see my child child's, the day it is born, not months later. I totally understand why my parents couldn't be there, although it doesn't hurt any less. Maybe I’m being a huge baby over it, so be it. I/we are so very thankful Dave's career took us several hundred miles from where we grew up, it made us grow up. It was going to make or break us, we only had each other to rely on, nowhere to run when my feelings got hurt, it was too far, so I stayed at home with Dave and we worked it out. It's been almost 26 (November 5 it will be)and I truly believe if we hadn't moved far away we might not still be together, we were young and I was such a big baby and so loved running from what I didn't want to do, hear or see. It would have been so easy for me to run home had we still lived close to family, but we didn't and we made the best of it, we have two wonderful kids and a pretty good marriage if I must say so myself!!!!!! I keep trying to tell myself David and Kayla will do the same, it will be OK, there is UPS, Fed X and many other freight companies I can ship whatever it is I’d be purchasing for them had they been here, it's just not the same, damit all to hell and back!!!!! They will be at Pearl Harbor until October of 2010, possibly 2011 at the latest. We hope against all hope that they might get an east coast duty station after this, but nothing is promised when you work for good ole Uncle Sam. I have to say at least they have jobs and health coverage and all of that good stuff, so it could be much worse. I hate this has been sort of negative or back and forward negative and positive, but I’ve just had to get it off my chest, my fears, my memories of being so far away and not having my family anywhere near me when our first baby was born. I so didn't want that for my child, aren't you supposed to want better for your own kids???? Oh how I didn't want it to be this way!!!!!! OK enough of the negative stuff I’ve said it, it's out there. The most fab news there is, is we're going to be grandparents and life just couldn't be better. Only other news that even comes close was the news we were going to be parents ourselves!!!!! Who knew that when you had a child, you, yourself could one day become a grandparent? This is just way too cool!!!! Sorry this post is so all over the place but my brain works the way it does and sometimes it's all over the place. All this being said, sometime around May 27, 2010 we'll be in the great state of HI welcoming our very first grand baby!!!!!!!!!! I can honestly say at this point I couldn't less if it's a boy or a girl; healthy baby is all I can say I want at this point. Not that I may not change my mind later but today that's how I feel!!! Thanks for reading to the end of this all over the place post my friends. Have a wonderful weekend, it's going to rain here and we plan to stay home and just chill all weekend!!!!!! Sound good???? Oh yeah I made a huge pot of chili so we'd have food already cooked for the weekend too, yeah I’m pretty lazy or planning to be this weekend. Enjoy yours and tell me what your plans are.
Marie

I met a blogger in real life today!!!!!

Today I had privilege of meeting a blogger I've been reading for several years now; she is just as cool in person as on her blog. It was a very nice afternoon of chatting and just hanging out. I got two meet three of her kids and of course they are just as cute if not cuter in person than the photos I’ve seen of them. I sure wish they didn't live on the "wrong" coast, I think we may have been able to hang out IRL if they did. This is my very first time meeting someone in person that I "met" first on-line, just too cool. I was nervous, one because I had never met blog in real life and even though you read someone for a long time you wonder how the conversation will flow and all of that good stuff!! The conversation had no problem flowing, that's for sure!!! Monkey (not real name) was a sweet, sweet person, very friendly and very REAL, which I truly liked. As a matter of fact I don't even remember how I found her blog so many years ago. I think it's been maybe five years I've been reading her, I so wish I could remember how or where I found her but I can't and so who cares I found. She is way cool!!! I enjoyed how laid back she was and just very real, I didn't have to worry about horribly foul mouth, did I say she is real already? Ha to say the least. As I mentioned she had three of the kids with her, a 15 year old teenage girl and two sweet, sweet little boys. The boys were so well behaved, the teenager wow sweet young lady for sure!!! She took great care of the little brothers so we could just chat and chat and chat some more!! None of this complaining, "Come on mom I wanna go, I don't want to deal with the boys", NONE of that ever came out of her mouth; she was a huge help to mom and just a sweet young lady to say the least. I drove about an hour away to Columbia, SC to meet them. We lived in Columbia at one time back in the late 90's, it wasn't exactly a city we enjoyed or ever got attached to. As a matter of fact we disliked it so much we moved there in August of 1997 and moved to Greenville, SC in October of 1998, just couldn't deal with it. The city has changed to say the least and I have to say for the better!! We met at a Cracker Barrel on a side of town where Dave's office once was, a very scary side of town. I was pleasantly surprised things had changed, the "mall" on that side of town still isn't much of a "mall", but then again we didn't go there for the mall. We had lunch and chatted for a bit, then moved on to the mall so the boys could enjoy the indoor play yard. Here again the teenager was more than helpful and took good care of the boys so we could just sit back and chat. It was a great meeting; I hope it was as good for them as me!! I have some photos but I want to ask before I post any. I also have to say this person I credit for me having a blog!!! I so enjoyed reading her the good, the bad and the ugly in her life and it just amazed me, she offered several times to help me begin a blog. I never took her up on it but as soon as my first post was up I emailed her and told her I finally took the big step and it was because of her!!!

Let's see what else is going on in my life. I've now been out of the hospital for 2.5 weeks now, I had a doctor's appointment for follow-up from that admission and what do you freaking know but I’ve gotten another infection brewing!!!!!! Damit it all to hell and back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So a culture was sent and I cross all of my fingers and toes and hope that it's sensitive to something by mouth because I’ve tired of being in the hospital, it sucks and not just the food!!!!!! I go next Tuesday for testing with the surgeon that may possibly be doing my surgery. Hell who am I kidding, who IS going to do my surgery, and I’d like to think I had a choice to do or not to do. I DO have a choice, but if I don't do it, well life is going to suck as it does now. Not to mention I stand a huge chance of losing my only kidney, then I’d be really fucked!!! So I suppose I will be having surgery at some point in time this coming winter!!! Most likely after the holidays. Why after the holidays??? Because David and Kayla are coming home for the holidays!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I can't stand it. We don't have dates yet, waiting on the good ole government to approve his leave dates, which he hopes will happen this week!! To say we are looking forward to seeing those kids doesn't even come close. It seems as if it's been forever since we've seen them both. It's been since June of 2008 for David and August of 2008 for Kayla. The down side to that is Melissa is working Christmas day!!! At first I was so upset and disappointed, now I think about it and am just happy and thankful my entire family will in one place again, even if not for Christmas day!! OK, I think that's about all for now, as I always say I’m going to try to post more often. Have a great rest of the week and I hope one day I am lucky enough to meet other bloggers in real life!!!!
Marie

Such is life!

The very day after having a little more of my thumb chopped off I went to this "king of urology" at Wake Forrest University. The visit went well the physician was extremely nice, very concerned about how I felt about having surgery. Not to mention very carious as to how I got to where I am now. I laughed and said "well that makes two of us then!! I did get a good belly laugh out of him on that one. I didn't really learn anything new or really that exciting either for that matter. He took a lot of time with me, which truly impressed me, he was also concerned that I was at the appointment all by myself. Which I thought was very kind of him, I explained to him that my husband was traveling that week and since this was a last minute appointment there really wasn't any time to try to change his travel days. He even offered to have me call him and have him on a conference call for my appointment. Don't think I've ever come across a physician that kind. As I told my personal urologist he was very kind but it still doesn't make me want to have surgery!!!! Such is life though, it appears I'm going to have surgery anyway. I have no date yet I'm going back in early October for some tests, then I suppose we'll talk surgery dates, I could be wrong, we'll see. There are days that I feel as if I would be fine with the surgery and all that comes with it, so to say, then there are days when I am so pissed off that I am once again facing surgery! Again such is life and I can be as pissed off as I want to be but that isn't going to stop all of these infections and the fevers from hell, right? Right!!!!! I do have to admit these infections are getting closer and closer together, and since I'm pretty much resistant to all oral antibiotics, each new infection buys me a femoral line and at least 10 days of IV antibiotics in the hospital. I was just discharged from my last inpatient admission the very end of July. 10 days after being home I had another infection, I got really lucky with that one and was able to take oral medications to treat it. I finished up those medicines about three weeks ago if that long ago, was feeling OK, no blood, no fever, still pain but not horrible. My follow up appointment was Wednesday afternoon, wouldn't you know by Monday evening I begin having more flank pain, Tuesday I begin peeing blood and lots of, and oh great I could puke my guts up at any given second and the final blow came Wednesday morning, I wake up with a fever from hell,great, just freaking great!!!!!!!!!!! So I go to my appointment and of course I have lots of white cells and blood in urine, because I am so resistant to most antibiotics my physician is reluctant to just begin treating me. So he gives me two choices. 1) Be admitted that day and get a jump start on the infection or 2) go home and wait this out until Monday when the final culture results will be ready. Of course if I get to the point I'm puking my guts up and the pain isn't controlled with oral medications or my fever spikes higher than 101 I promised I'd call to be admitted. I really, really like my urologist, not many physicians would give the patient that much control, my first one sure didn't, it was his way or he had a freaking 2 year old temper tantrum, and no I'm not kidding nor stretching the truth even a little on this one! My fever is hanging around 100.9, I feel like total crap, I'm not puking but I'm not really eating or drinking either. My pain is bad but I can't justify being admitted just for pain control right now, maybe I just don't hurt bad enough right now, or maybe I'm just so used to dealing with horrible pain everyday I've gotten used to it, who knows. I just know this sucks, this is not the way I'd choose to live my life. The good news is that I have a totally supportive husband who will support whatever I choose to do as far as surgery goes. So in looking at things on the "bright side" this too shall pass. I have a feeling I'll be back in the hospital by the beginning of the week. If this happens it happens, if it doesn't and I'm able to treat my infection with oral antibiotics I'm a very lucky girl, agree?? OK enough crappy crap!!!
In other news in our house our daughter is back at home with for a short time. I love her more than life itself but................it's hard as hell to live with her!!!!!!!! Man I forgot what it was like to have to pick up after someone or to have "stuff" just laying around here and there, why oh why can't she just put her "stuff" where it belongs???????????? She is supposed to be saving her money to purchase a house of her own, I'm not so sure this is going to happen, only time will tell. She isn't really saving her money which makes me think she is so sure that Dave and I are going to begin paying for her apartment or housing or whatever she decides to do. I am here to tell you, oh she is so WRONG!!!!! Don't get me wrong we've put both of our kids through college and helped them get "started" in life, but once you finish college and you have an adult job you are so on your own!!! As it should be in my book. Of course we'll help her purchase large ticket items if she needs the help BUT, she has to "help us help her" (Dave's tag line) which I totally I agree with. If we keep shelling money out she'll keep "needing our help". As for the dogs in our home, that's another thing she isn't going to like, but such is life!!!!!!! When she moves she HAS to take her dog with her, he can no longer stay with us, he can come and visit when she does but other than that, nope I'm finished with him!!!!! You know I only began life with two thumbs and thanks to her dog I now only have one, a big reason he can't stay here any more!!! I'm afraid of him, he's a huge dog and I think he knows I'm afraid of him, he gives me a hard time not listening and just stands there looking at me like I speak a different language then he does. Does he do that crap to Dave or Melissa, HELL NO!!! I didn't "sign up" to care for him, I told her he could come here and visit and he hasn't freaking left!!! It's more than time for him to leave, don't you think????? I'm really worried about her keeping him to tell the truth, I'm so afraid he'll bite someone else. I don't know the ins and outs of "once a biter always a biter", but I do know I'm afraid of him and he stares my down when I tell him something, and I know that isn't good!!! Anyone care to enlighten me on that subject, please do tell, I'm really interested. But let me say this first, he still isn't living here any longer!! Man I must be a mean mom, again, "such is life"!!
If you've continued to read this rambling mess of a post, thanks!! I'm sort of all over the place sorry but my mind is sort like that right now too. I'm really going to try to post more often maybe I'll feel better getting stuff off my chest and it won't take me hours to write just one post. That's my plan, let's see if I can stick to it. Have a great week everyone and thanks again for taking your time to read.
Marie

Does it ever end??????????????

Since the news I have to share about my thumb pretty much sucks, I'll begin with something wonderful first. David is back from Iraq!!!!!!!!!! He is back to his wife in HI and has been since this past weekend!!!!!!! This is one relived mom, that's for sure!! In other good news, Melissa is back home for a few weeks. We are looking for a small house for her to either rent or purchase. She needs to be closer to work and school, but her apartment just wasn't working out. She has a huge dog that needs lots of running room and an apartment just doesn't allow for that. We have a few leads on houses both to purchase and or rent. Something to lease or rent to own would be a good start for a young person just starting out. Hope we find her something soon she has a 2 plus hour drive from our house to work. When she works her normal shifts she only works two days one week and three the following. Which is great because if she had to drive that everyday, gas would eat her profits. Everyone and then she'll work a 48 hour shift, which is even less driving, she loves her job!! It is giving her a wide variety of experience for her nursing classes, which is good. I just hope she doesn't "burn-out" working as many hours as she is working right now as well as trying to go to school full time. She is one busy little girl. Well maybe not a little girl but my little girl anyway, no matter how old she gets 22 or 42!! Now on to the news that sucks!! I'm sure everyone remembers the dog bite back in early May, then the removal of part of my thumb at the end of May. Well the very tip of the thumb heals and then breaks open and bleeds. I thought this maybe due to the skin being so thin on the top and that with time it would heal and be fine. As time goes on this hasn't happened. The thumb is also very swollen still. So off to the hand surgeon I go, knowing full well something wasn't exactly right. I was so right but had no idea what the real deal was. It appears the jagged portion of the bone that was bitten off and then part of it was removed during surgery, has become jagged once again. Two pieces of that jagged bone has broken off and is trying to work it's way through the skin. Which explains why it heals and breaks open as well as the reason for it being so swollen three month after surgery! So on Friday I will have those pieces of the bone removed, I don't know how much more of the thumb I'll lose. If he can save the first knuckle I'll have a pin put in it, due to the break from the bite. My thumb was broken in three places one portion of that break was removed when he removed part of my thumb, another break has broken into pieces which will be removed an the final break is the knuckle that hasn't healed well, which is where he'll place the pin to hold it together. So that's how I'll be spending my Friday, sounds fun huh??? NOT!! Take care all.
Marie

Where has the summer gone? Where has the time gone???

Wow, it's August already, where has time gone? Summer is my most favorite time of the year, I so love to tan, yeah I know it's not exactly "healthy" but one must have some bad habits. Hubby took a few days off early in the week, we thought about going away but the packing and unpacking and getting there and back just didn't seem to very appealing. So we strayed home and it was lots of fun, we didn't do much of anything, Dave does tons of yard work like he always does when he's off, then in the afternoons we chilled in the pool. That's my most favorite thing to do, the sun beating down on you and the cool pool water, oh just the most fab thing the world!!!! Then each evening he cooked our meals, well grilled our meals, they were most fab as always. Having a husband who cooks and enjoys doing so it just great, of course he prefers to cook on the grill, but hey it's always good so who cares how or where he cooks it, you know? I'm missing my kiddos something horrible!!!!!!!!!!! Our son is still awaiting a flight out of Iraq along with numerous other soldiers. It's been something like 8 days they have been waiting for a flight, there is always something that causes them not to get a flight out. Tomorrow well I suppose today since it's after midnight is his first anniversary, he's spent most of his first year of marriage deployed. I just hope and pray that he'll have many, many more happy anniversaries in which he is at home (where ever that may be)with his wife. I'm telling you it's got to be hard for her to be so freaking far away from anyone family or anyone she knows and it be your very first anniversary and your husband is in Iraq. Although it sucks, at least we can say he is safe at this minute and he will be back to the states safe and sound very soon, much sooner rather than later!!! Our daughter Melissa has a new full time job, and is still going to school full time. Needless to say she has no time for anything and that includes seeing her parents!!! My heart is breaking because I miss our kids. That sounds silly I'm sure, but it's been weeks since I've last seen Melissa at least two weeks before I was in the hospital and I'll have been home from there two weeks this Monday, so yeah it's been a long time, I miss her. I miss our son. I am thankful that they both are happy and safe and are being productive adults in jobs they both love. I suppose a parent really can't ask for much more than that huh?? For that, I am truly happy for them and feel blessed to have had the chance to raise two productive adults. Damit, I just wish they were both closer or could at least come for a visit, even a short visit would be great!! So that's where I am in my nice little boring life!! To add a little more stress to my life and make it not so boring I have a follow up with urologist on Monday, I suppose he'll give me the information about seeing the new surgeon who will possibly be doing my surgery. Some days I am so ready to go and have it done and move on and other days I'm dreading it and can find every single reason under the sun as to why I don't need, don't want, shouldn't have the surgery. I try very hard to make my mind walk away from those thoughts, it's not always easy. To say I'm stressed as hell doesn't even come close, I'm scared of everything that goes with surgery and then some. Seeing a new physician is also making my stress level increase a good bit as well. Once the surgery is over and I've recovered a good bit I'll be discharged back to my personal urologist, which makes me very happy, I really like him and feel as if I can trust him and talk to him about anything. He keeps assuring me that the surgeon he is sending me to is a good guy also and that he'll be just as easy to talk to and all of that good stuff, only time will tell!! OK, I'm out of here because I'm rambling like a crazy person, ha ha!!!!! I'm trying to come here and write more often, maybe get some of stress out and to use this as record of the time before during and after my surgery. Maybe one day I can help someone facing the surgery and same fears, issues, whatever, again only time will tell! Have a most wonderful weekend, I plan to have a very relaxed weekend spent floating around the pool.

Finally an update!!!!

OK, now that I feel semi-alive I can finally get an update out here, I’m so sorry friends I'm a slack blogger. OK, so let's see nothing major has been going on in my boring life, which is always good, right??? Our daughter has gotten a full time job and so loves being a paramedic and all of that good stuff. She is still in school for nursing but only part time now since they have offered her a full time job and are more than willing to pay for her schooling, yippee!!!! As for David, he could be back to the states any day now, we are on pins and needles awaiting word. He'll go back to CA for a short time then back to his wonderful wife in HI very soon, we all hope. The next order of plans are to figure out who is going where, are they coming here to visit or are we going there, no plans as of yet, except that we'll see him sooner rather than later and that in itself just makes me freaking day!!!! The dogs are great silly little things they are so much comfort and company to me, that's for sure!!! When I first came home from the hospital Dave (hubby)had some business travel and man those dogs just make my day when I'm home alone and feel poorly. They are most fab fur-babies that's for sure!!! OK now on to the reason I was in the hospital, I had a kidney infection and had gotten septic. I was only sick for a day before going to the physician
, he told me at that point he felt I'd be admitted by the weekend due to the fact that my pass infections have all grown bacterial that has been very resistant to oral antibiotics. He was in agreement with me, that it wouldn't hurt to try out patient as long as I was able to keep fluids and the medications down. Let's see that was Thursday, by Friday evening I knew I was headed to being admitted, I had thrown up numerous times Friday evening, couldn't keep anything down, which made for the pain off the charts. So Saturday later AM I gave up and called my physician, funny thing is he had just spoke to the folks at the hospital lab and was about to call me and tell me to head over there to be admitted because my cultures were growing three very resistant bacteria, nice!!! So I go over and of course because I have no veins I have a pick line put in, this time in my femoral artery. I've had so many IV's that I've scarred down every other place and to even put a central line is it's a huge chore. So all that was done by early evening I was settled in for the long haul. First vital sign check of the evening shift shows I have a fever of 104.7, nice!!!!!!!!!!!!! So after blood cultures and all of the normal stuff one has done with a huge fever spike, I'm given Tylenol, of course I puke my guts up and this goes on all night!!! By this point I'm a basket case because I've had little to no sleep in the 48 hours and all I can do is cry. Thank God I have a most fab physician, he sat and listened to me cry my eyes out from pure exhaustion, no judgment at all from him, just true concern and care from him. What a wonderful change from some past physicians!!! It is at this point he says more pain medication is needed to get my pain under better control and allow my to get some sleep, I so agree!!! Within two hours time he has ordered a PCA machine (patient control analgesic), I was able to push the bottom as needed and it also gave me a constant dose, sleep is a fabulous thing!!!!!! I had most fab nurses who remembered me from my past admissions to that floor and I can only say they take the best care of patients or at least me, that I've seen in a long time. Wonderful care in itself goes a long way when you are feeling poorly!!! As the days go by I am on the correct antibiotics but my fever continues to soar and climb rather than decline. A high fever makes you feel horrible in itself. After a little over a week my fever gets the memo it’s supposed to be history, I began feeling better, just from the fever being down in itself. After no fever for 48 hours I go from IV medications to oral, still feeling OK, 48 hours later it's home for me!!!!!!!!! Yippee!!!! Couldn't have come a day sooner. I'm home and do feel much, much better than I did, but to say I feel great would be a huge lie. The fever has really sucked the energy from me big time. My physician said that it could take up to a week for each day my fever was so out of control for me to totally feel like I'm recovered. I have to say and I hate to complain that this infection sure has kicked my ass big time. I can't keep on doing this crap, I just can't. My body, my emotions, everything is taking a huge hit each time I develop another infection. I've known for a while that more surgery is needed sooner rather than later, that's for sure!!!!! I have had chats with my physician about "the big fix" for a while, not really interested in hearing what he has to say, that's for sure!!! After this huge infection kicking my ass and it just being a very short amount of time since my last hospital admission I have now finally come to the cross roads so to say and know that if I'd like to continue on this earth for and have any quality of life I need to bite the big one and at least go speak to the guys who do these surgeries every day and see what they have to offer me, before it's too late. I have a married son and a daughter we hope to see married or in a fulfilled relationship and I HAVE to be a part of those lives, I didn't struggle raising those kids with hubby to check out of this life mid-way through, you know?????????? So it might just be that I'll end up wearing a bag in which my pee empties into, yeah it sounds horrible, yes I still have a surgery or two to get me there, but I'm telling you now it's a whole lot fucking better out look than six feet under, you know???? Life is way to short and I'm not ready to check out of this game called LIFE right now, therefore I'll do what I have to on my part to stay in the game. Yes wearing a bag sounds like hell and all of that sucky stuff that goes along with it, but if you ask me looking up from six feet under sounds much worse. So more for me than anyone else here, I'm writing this to remind myself I do have a lot to live for and wearing a bag 24/7 just might not be such a bad thing, you know???? I'm sure I'll flip between feeling as I do now, ready to go, show me where to sign, get the OR ready, to oh hell no I am NOT wearing a freaking nasty bag of pee on my side. That's OK I'm sure they are all normal feeling and fears to be honest. I need to find others who have taken this trip before me and ask a few questions I have on my mind now and others I'm sure I'll have as the time grows near. So any suggestions on where to read, if you've been there done that, any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated, the only thing I ask is no one try to talk me out of this, it's hard enough to deal with myself trying to figure out every reason under the sun I don't need to have it done. I have a wonderfully supportive family, my husband, Dave is most fab, really he is, there are days I want to thump him but I know he truly loves me and wants only what's best for me and has been through hell and back with me and is willing to do it again, can't ask for a whole lot more you know???? Even after 26 years of being married and dating four years before that, I have a great guy, I do know that!!!! Our two kids are fab and will be here to do anything they can to help from near and far, our daughter in law is like a daughter to us and will be right there to do her part. I have fab sisters, who are ALL OLDER than me, ha ha but would do anything to help me from near or far, again can't ask for much more than that, you know???? Well maybe after that older comment they may want to slap me, but hey it isn't the first time, you know??? ha ha. OK I'm rambling now anyway so here is an update and a little note to me as well, that I'll need to come back and read over the next several roughs weeks, months however long. Thanks guys you are very supportive as well and I look forward to coming out on the other side of this surgery with all of you and my family too. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope to post more often, I think it may help me emotionally for sure over the next how ever long this journey ends up being, I'm up for, big time!!!!! I go back to see my physician in about two weeks or so, in the mean time he is working on finding me a major medical center to have any fixes I may need. My physicians’ practice no longer does this type of surgery, I respect the fact that he and his partners can say that this type of surgery is best left up to folks who do several of these a week. It’s not like it’s a quick little fix and I’m in and out and all things considered he wants me to be at the best place possible, all things considered. I’m extremely thankful that I we have a health care system that allows me to pick up and go any place I or my physician feels best fits my needs. Along with that again I have to mention my most fab family, I know it can be stressful for Dave he is the only one here with me and that leaves a lot on his shoulders, he’s a great guy for the job!!! Melissa although working full time and attending school as well is only two hours away and has been wonderful dropping all in her life when asked to be us, for that I’m so very thankful. As for David and Kayla they are both with us in mind and spirit, I know they’d be here be our side if at all possible. I know I’ve said numerous times but my family is my rock, I’d never be able to do this without them. We’ve moved numerous times in our adult lives therefore we don’t have a whole lot in the sense of “friends”, which makes my families job that much harder, I am aware of that and so very, very thankful for them, sorry if I’ve gone on and on, I’m very thankful for my family and just slightly stressed about what the future holds for me medically. Oh yeah on a much lighter note, So-Co may fab beagle has had her photo in the local newspaper where my family lives, titled "Dog Days of Summer", such a cutie I must say, hope you enjoy her photo as much as I do!!!! I suppose we must have snapped the photo as she was waking up!!!!!
f rie

That photo is of a tired Marie and an excited So-Co!! She saw her daddy in the back ground and was pulling to see him!! She did wonderful on our trip considering this was her very first ever flight. Of course we had to make things a little rough on both of us by having delays, but the good thing is we got there safe and sound and my sister was happily awaiting our arrival at the airport in Philly. I had forgotten that just because it's May it doesn't mean it's warm in NJ! Oh man oh man did I freeze my butt off, (well not really but it was chilly). We did lots of visiting and lots of chilling two of my most favorite things to do in the world. We took TWO, not one but TWO trips to the Jersey shore and oh was it most fabo! I so miss the "shore", as we call it up there. I know my southern friends call it the "beach" but not us northern people. I had lots of yummy food while there, my sister called for me several times, we ate REAL pizza, REAL cheese subs, Real chase steak subs oh man the food was most fabo as well. The bread up there, the pizza crust oh man oh man is it so good!!!!! Even though it was much chillier than So-Co and I are used to a good time was had by all, that's for sure. I'm really ready to go back this second! I was gone for a little over two weeks and if it weren't for me missing my hubby I'd have stayed longer, if my sister could have dealt with us there any longer! She was a most fabo hostess, fed me lots of yummy food. Took me on a "take your baby sister to work with you day". HA, well not exactly that but I did go to work with her a time or two and it was very entertaining to say the least. I could say a whole lot about it but since she needs her J-O-B, I'll keep my comments to myself. You might be wondering what type of job she has that would keep me truly entertained and the desire for more? Well, I'll tell you, she is a transit bus driver, and as far as I'm concerned doesn't get paid even close enough to what she should get for all of the stupid people and the stupid crap and comments that come out of her passenger mouths. It's takes a lot to render me speechless, and let me tell you listening to some of her passengers I was exactly that speechless, big time!! I also did learn a thing or two, most weren't legal but if I'm ever in need of free bus passes and the like I sure do know what to do or where to go to get said passes. I got to visit with other family members as well. As I said So-Co did most fabo on the plane she was a very good working dog. I was slightly surprised that so many TSA employees as well as airline staff have no clue what a "service dog" is and its purpose. Truly sad, but no fear I had So-Co's business cards on hand so that I could educate those people lacking in that department. I was a little concerned that So-Co would get a little freaked by the noise the plan makes as it's getting ready for takeoff, but not my smart little working beagle So-Co she did great!!!! Even the Capt. of that flight told me that she was a very well behaved service dog. I said thank you, we've worked hard with her as has her trainer. Now fast forward to our flight from Philly to Atlanta, that was a very, very, very small plane, to begin with. I was supposed to be upgraded to first class due to my service animal, the airlines policy, not my request, I'm too cheap! This leg of the flight there were no business class/first class seats open. I informed the head attendant that the airlines policy states I'm only to be seated in those areas. She didn't appear to care very much at all nor did she appear to enjoy her job, not sure which of the following made me feel this way, me over hearing her telling a co-worker that SO didn't want to deal with this stupid service animal that would be boarding the plane any second, (I had just walked onto the plane as she was bitching this to said co-worker, I assured her she'd not have to deal with my stupid service animal that I was very capable and that no service animal is stupid to being with and they go through major amounts of training!) So I get to my seat and what do I find but a young male in the aisle seat and an extremely large lady in the middle seat. Now let me back up and say I could stand to lose a few pounds myself and I know there are all kinds of issues surrounding why one maybe so large, I'm in no way making an issue of that. I am making an issue of the fact that, she was so large she truly needed to have purchased a second seat as most airlines require. She couldn't even use the seat belt with the extension on it. She took up as much room as she wanted to and didn't care for one second about how the young man sitting to her left felt nor how myself or So-Co felt. She moved around picked up her purse from the floor numerous times and just plain did as much as she could to make this an unpleasant trip for all four of us, yes So-Co counts too!!! She also smelled as if she hadn't had a shower in many, many weeks and trust me this is no exaggeration in the least and the more she moved the more we could smell her, and sorry maybe TMI but she smelled like pure dirty nasty ass that needed a good scrubbing and then some. She bitched to the attendant that my dog was getting fur all over her clothes and they were clean when she put them on, and now after the dog hair she'd have to have those dry cleaned now. Dry clean hell maybe bleach clean, maybe just toss them, truly that's how bad she smelled, horrible doesn't even come close. So she bitched to the attendant enough that they came by and asked me if I’d mind putting So-Co on the floor in front of my seat. That even though she was a "service dog" she wasn't providing me any service in the plane, therefore she'd be fine on the floor. To make things go as easy as possible for Miss
stinky pants, I agreed to put her in front of me, So-Co that is. After a few minutes So-Co is getting wound up and crying out and trying to jump up on my lap, very unlike her for sure. I happened to see why So-Co was trying to get off the floor and on my lap was because Miss Stinky pants was not only stomping on So-Co's little paw, she was smashing it as well, just like you'd drop a cig, step on it and then smash it out for sure. Oh by this time I was tears, and I asked Miss Stinky pants to stop doing that, she refused and in her broken English said, "oh hell no you bitch, this is bull shit, I have dog hair all over my new clothes and I'll have to have them cleaned, um OK you wore them, that's what normal people do, you know? Anyway she goes one step further to tell me that, "in her country" they eat dogs like mine. That was it I lost it, I called for the attendant as did people in the seats in front and in back of us, and said something had to be done, this couldn't keep going on. So they take Miss Stinky pants to the front of the plane and talk to her. They bring her back a few minutes later and asked the young man to trade places with Miss Stinky pants, so he'd sit next to me. He agreed, I apologized for him having to have dealt with that and he was fine with it, no worries from him. The people behind me didn't take it that easy and bitched at the attendants any time they came by about how unfair Miss Stinky pants was. Very nice of total strangers to come to you in your time of need!!! The flight finally got to Atlanta, the first thing I did was go speak to someone about how horrible the attendants handled my issue. They informed me they'd check into it and get back to me, I truly hope they will, because if I don't hear from them soon, I'll be calling them. So that's the scoop on our vacation, it truly was a most fabo vacation I loved being there, visiting, chilling, walking on the boardwalk at the shore, smelling the yummy salty sea air, oh man does that do a body good!!! Let's see now that brings me up until the day I got back from New Jersey, I had a follow up appointment about my dog bitten finger, it wasn't looking good the entire time I was on vacation but it also didn't look infected so we kept it clean and watched it. Much to my sorrow the thumb never did reattach as we wanted it to do. I had to have it removed down to just above the first knuckle, the entire nail is gone as well. It's healing very well, except in one place in which the skin was torn from the original bit. He told me before surgery he planned to remove as little as possible, the good thing there was I'd have most of my thumb left, the bad thing I may need to go back in and have a little more removed depending on how it healed. So we are presently at the "depending how it heals part", it sort of looks like it will need to be derided a bit since there is a part of my thumb tip that just isn't healing. He said if anything he'd just go in and cut that portion out and sew the two "clean" edges together. So we'll see what happens on that front on 7/7. He said that since it's not looking infected at the time he feels safe giving it a little more time to heal. Anything to save me from having to go back and have more thumb removed is good with me. So that pretty much brings you up to date with me, I know it's been a long time since I posted, I promise I'm going to try to do a better job of posting more. I have to say it does make me feel better to get stuff off of my chest her instead of letting it build up inside me. Still no for sure date for our son to be back from Iraq but we are hoping and praying that it'll be sooner, rather than later!! If you made it to the end of this post, congrats I owe you one. Maybe if I post more often I'd not have marathon posts! Enjoy the weekend my friends, life is way too short not too!!!
Labels: life, So-Co, thumb, vacation

Thumb up date & Francesca's retirement

So it's now been a whole week since I've been bitten, my thumb is getting much better. I went to the hand surgeon today and he feels that my thumb is pretty savable. There is a very small area on the inside part of my thumb near the index finger that is still really hard and black. If I have to any part of my thumb removed it would be that part only. Wonderful news in my book!! I'm leaving for m trip on Friday and I'll be gone two weeks. I'm so very excited!! I'm only going to NJ to visit my sisters but heck it's still a vacation to me and I'm ready for a vacation of any kind!! I'm taking my beagle "Soie" with me, she has been trained as my medic alert dog, so where I go she goes!! Our Dalmatian "Francesca" has been my medic alert dog for almost 11 years, so it was time to just let her enjoy life and chill. So basically she is retired, she still loves to work and really doesn't like seeing my put Soie's pack on her, she knows that's her job. So for short trips I'll allow Francesca to work but she is getting older and has been a wonderful friend, partner, helper, therapist to me for many years. At this point in her 11 year old life she is queen bee and can just chill, although something tells me she'd much rather be still working. When Soie and I came home yesterday she sure got a once and twice and third over from Francesca, it was really cute, she came right up to Soie and it was almost as if she was asking "did you take good care of mommy today"? Which she did, considering she is very new at this she is catching on very quickly, yesterday was her VERY first trip to the grocery store and I wasn't sure how it would go but I have to say she was a very, very good young lady, never once acted as if she'd like to try one of everything she saw or smelled. It's truly amazing how once you put the "working collar,leash and pac" on, how you almost see her little brain "click" into work mode. Some of you maybe wondering why I have a medic alert dog, maybe not but just in case you are, here's the deal, OK? When we first got our second dal I was fairly newly sick by a just a few years, she and I become fast friends and couldn't stand being away from each other EVER. We knew we wanted her trained at least for "good manners" if not obedience training as well. We we told of a lady not far from us who trained service dogs of all kinds and pets as well. So we took Francesca to her, for boarding school, in which they stay in her kennel for three weeks only coming home on the weekends. We would drop her off on Sunday evening and pick her back up Friday afternoon and have a short session with the trainer going over things that needed practice and what new stuff she learned that week. After the second week the trainer asked if I was considered "disabled" by my physician, I told her I was indeed. She then told me that, that entitled me to a medic alert dog. So we thought about it while Francesca was home on break and told the trainer yes we'd like to pursue that. So after several more weeks or training in her kennel and our home, Francesca was a certified "medic alert dog". Registered with the state and all!! She has worked very hard for us in her 10 years or so. She's was have noticed was slowing down a bit and it seemed after long working periods of time she was "sore" and very tired, so we thought it was time to give her a rest and retire her. So we just happened to have a WILD beagle who our son got his next to last semester of college, (why he got her knowing he'd most likely going the Navy who knows, but I never tried to talk him out of it, I've always wanted a beagle and knew if he did go in I'd have my beagle!!!!) So retiring Francesca posed a slight issue if I wanted the continued support of a medic alert dog, so after talking with the trainer she said she'd give it a try but beagles are very hard headed but smart dogs and she'd give it her all and if after all of the training she didn't think Soie would "cut it" she'd tell me so. Well it took Soie a bit longer to catch on, mainly because she'd rather be into whatever is going on next top her, cause it seemed like more fun, and she'd rather walk with nose to the ground cause you never know when you'll find something good on the ground. Long story short, she finally has passed her certification and is now registered with the state as being my medic alert dog, has her PIN number as her identification, as well as her business cards and her plastic tag with her name, my name, her trainer's name and the state in which is registered in. We got her pac back yesterday with all of her patches on it and off we went to see just how she'd do, I do have to admit she did FAR BETTER than I even gave the poor girl credit for!!!!!! I was and am so proud of her, she obeyed every single command I gave, never tried to sample anything within her reach at the grocery store nor the pet shop, she was a very good young lady. I had her out working for about 3 or so hours and I'm proud of her to say the least. Tomorrow she and I will get on that big scary air plane and fly to New Jersey to spend some fun times with my sisters and just plain chill out!!!! So with that being said I'm going to end this rather rambling, boring post and begin getting my clothes together to be packed and ready to leave for the air port bright and early tomorrow AM. I doubt I'll have a chance to post or read your blogs, but once I get back I'll have lots of fun photos and I'll be able to report back just well Soie did on her very first EVER plane ride and how hard she worked while we were away!! Also, I really do read them almost daily I'm just a little slack at the commenting, but I'm trying to do better. My goal when I get back is post at least 4 times a week even if it's only a short one with a few photos and I plan to comment to each post you folks write. I mean come on you guys are way too kind to me and always leave comments so I need to do the polite thing and comment too! Some of you may wonder why I "need" a medic alert dog, I suppose it's a "want" at this point not so much as it is "need", but it's always nice to have with me, often times more as an emotional support dog rather than medic alert, but she does carry all of my medications in her pac, she has a list of my physicians and my conditions as well. As Kris has mentioned in a few posts it's hard for us at times because we "look as if nothing" is wrong with us on the outside, but if only they knew the pain we are in almost constantly, as well as if we were ever to hurt and needed medical attention and weren't able to give that information, my medic alert dog would have anything and everything they'd need. As well as she carries several sterile catheters in her pac for me and I'd surely hope that would "alert" medical folks that I "sort of don't have a real bladder or make them think twice before trying to stick something somewhere it shouldn't go. So I hope I didn't totally confuse you with my ramblings, as before feel free to ask any questions if I have the answer you'll get it from me, if not I'll try to find it deal? I hope everyone has a wonderful two weeks and is as medically stable as possible for them, you will all be in my thoughts and prayers!! I'll post a few days after I get back and get settled back into my non-vacation life!!! Take care all!!! I'd also like to share with you some "fruits of my labor" you could say, I've always helped my father with his garden but never had one of my own, this year I was determined to have at least a few tomato plants, so I planted four in huge pots on my patio. Upon checking in on them on Tuesday to much huge surprise I have at least three tiny tomatoes and several more flowering blooms, soon to have tomatoes as well. I am so proud of myself, as silly at it is but I can't wait to be albe to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I'll leave you with a few photos of my tomatoe plants!!
Marie

Part two of my sucky story!!!! It's a long one too.

Part two to of my sucky story!!

The doctor told me I needed to keep the catheter in my new stoma for at least six weeks before removing it for good. I told him it was extremely slow to drain and not amount of flushing helped, he assured me all was OK. Even though the catheter came out a few days post-op and all he could get back in was a very tiny catheter. So I go into the office for the big day to remove the catheter and begin my several times a day emptying through the stoma. He did not bother to tell me what type, size, nothing as far as a catheter went, I suppose he thought since I worked at the hospital I knew or maybe he just didn't care!! I also need to back up a bit and add that right before this last surgery he had gotten a partner up to that point he'd been in practice alone. OK so back to the DAY from HELL, I go to lunch with a friend and drank way too much iced tea, I was slightly anxious to catheterize myself for the first to be begin with but in a public restroom, even more so. I tired and the catheter just wouldn't go in, I tired not to panic and thought OK I'm stressing too much about this. I left the restaurant went home and thought all would "work" at home, no need to worry about anyone hearing the opening of the catheter or me cursing. Nothing again, so I begin calling my nurse friends, both had the same thoughts as me CALL THE DR NOW!! So I did, he was stuck in traffic with his partner coming back from DUKE U for a conference. He didn't want me to go to the ER and have someone "mess up" (his words) his work. He told me he'd call me as he and his new partner got closer to the office, which ended up only being about 30 minutes but seemed much longer with a full bladder and the stress of "oh hell something isn't right, this can't be good". I go to the office and he begins poking any urological tool he could find in my stoma, all the while screaming at me, "what did you do to this, it worked for me this morning" (which in fact he NEVER even tried it before I left the office). He kept telling me and his partner he wasn't taking me back to surgery he was fixing "it" here, nice huh? I began to feel very badly for several reasons, mainly I to freaking pee like hell, I was tiring from all of the pain he was causing, they were pressing on my tummy like mad, and I was just plain scared as hell. The next thing I know he yells to his partner to take my over to the ER and get the OR ready, not thinking clearly at this point when he left the room I tried to stand up after getting off the table and I hit the floor. His partner NOT my doctor comes running in and helps me up and drags me to his car, all the while I'm now bleeding from the stoma like hell and my tummy is really hurting but not like I had to pee sort of hurt. I felt so bad at this point I couldn't be scared. So we get to the ER I over hear the his partner tell them to call the OR that they've ruptured something but I didn't hear the whole story, still not too concerned about much other than peeing, I didn't worry, how stupid of me!! So they take me to the OR, and revise the stoma and the conduit, I stay in CCU over night. I ask the next day what ruptured? I'm told oh nothing why would you ask that, I told him I over heard the conversation with the OR staff the day before, "oh nothing was ruptured you weren't feeling well you thought you heard that but didn't", OK I'm stupid I "bought that shit from him". So another recovery process and time goes by slow as hell, but I do recover and finally have the catheter removed and begin self cathing, not problems this time other than leakage. Which I had been telling him about since a few days post-op, I was told it was leaking because the catheter was in the stoma and it the stoma wasn't made to hold a catheter, so again I "bought the crap". Time goes by and I am soaked like crazy, he never offered any advice on what to do or what we could do to fix it, only that now it will take time to heal and then it'll stop leaking. UM no dumb ass it's still leaking after 13 year, wonder how long it takes to stop leaking??? Ha! As time is passing I'm still having infection after infection, I used a new catheter each time and was very sterile in doing the cathing, nothing helped. I also was dealing with a ton of right flank pain, just like I had when I had the obstructions of my ureter, I tell him this time after time, he blows me off telling me I just used to taking pain medicines and so my pain tolerance is very low at this point but I'll be OK soon. RIGHT! So I get brave and go for a second option, at a university hospital, I tell him the entire ordeal and ask him not to contact my doctor about my visit until I could tell him, he agreed. Only he lied and called him as soon as I left his office. So I get a hateful message from my doctor telling me he wants to see me RIGHT NOW!! So I head over there and he screams and yells and stomps his feet like a child because I second guessed him and if I'd only told him I was going for a second option he'd have not looked like the ass he did when he got the call. Can you see who he cared about more me or him own ego???? While at the second doctors he did some x-rays and found I did indeed have a blockage and he wanted to fix it, I was stupid and said no I'll go to my doctor right away and he'll take care of it. Let me back up the second doctor didn't really give me any information on what he'd do or not do, his main concern was getting the blockage opened and then go from there. Back at my doctor's office we talk about the obstruction and that he feels it will "pass" that it's not a true blockage, just mucus from my bladder refluxing and we could just watch it. As for pain meds, oh hell no he gave tordal, which is an anti inflammatory drug, didn't touch my pain, but if I mentioned pain he mentioned me being "too used to pain meds" deal again, whatever, ass if that was the case I'd have gotten narcotics from any doctor at the hospital, when you work in one you know who will give what, but I had such drug seeking behavior I NEVER once got pain meds from anyone other than him. By this time it's the fall of 1997 and there is talk my husband is going to be transferred, which would require me to see another doctor being we would be moving three plus hours away. I continued to have pain in my right flank, he continued to ignore it, every now and then he'd do some type of x-ray but tell me it was normal no blockage, this went on from mid-winter of 1998 until spring of that year, he finally agreed that something "might be wrong" and so I had one of many nephrostomy tubes put in through my back straight into the kidney, wow the pain is gone, except for the soreness from the tube. He says he plans to leave the tube in for a few weeks to give me pain relief, wow thought I didn't have any pain in his eyes, interesting to say the least!! So the tube is in for about 4 to 5 weeks at least, he then says he plans to "take a look" through the tube into the kidney and ureter in the OR just to prove there is no scarring and that I'm not truly hurting. I go to the OR and admitted over night because he had put a much larger tube in, in the OR (never could get a reason for that out of him)post-op I began to wake up and hurt and ask for pain meds, I'm told no I don't have anything ordered except Phenergan 12.5 mg IM every 4 to 6 hours. Oh man I hurt like hell, the nurse (who most of were my friends)called him numerous times to tell him my BP was out of the roof and they felt it was from being in pain, still no pain meds. Nice guy huh? The next day he comes in and screams at me for "bitching and asking for pain meds" I tried to tell him I never asked them to call him, he didn't believe me, too bad ass!! He then tells me to sit up and he rips the tube from my back and says OK call Dave you can go home. So through tears I call my husband and tell him what's going on since he left that AM to go to the office. He calls my doctor and tells him I'm really hurting and this can't be normal, he tells me husband "he isn't giving me anything that I'm too used to pain meds and my toloracne is way too low and it would only make me worse", yeah right!! We are told he found nothing to be causing my pain and that the only reason he can come up with is I'm addicted to pain meds and that's why I'm hurting deal, my husband tells him the deal about me being offered scripts of pain meds from other doctors but I've refused them, still says no. I finally recover from that mess and it's getting close to time for us to move, I begin thinking OK a new place, a new doctor will help find out what is going on and make stop thinking I'm nuts. Fast forward to August of 1997, we are moving and I begin feeling sick, infection sick, I have a 104 temp, so I go to the ER. I'm admitted with sepsis. The first thing they do is start an IV, then give pain meds and the a CT scan, wow what do you know I've got a huge blockage in my right kidney along with a nice abess. The new doctor is great but I don't complain much about my old doctor because you how doctors stick up for each other, well not this guy he bitched about my old doctor and said he needed to be stopped numerous times. He finally requests me old records, well guess who wouldn't give up my records??? You guessed correctly if you said my old doctor!! So they request just my x-ray reports from the hospital, and what do you know, I've had an obstruction every single time I had any x-ray in the past 6 plus months!!!! So I'm not crazy, (well the jury i still out on that one) I'm hurting for a reason and now my right kidney is basically dead and needs to be removed!! Great!! Thanks MPD, you ass!!! My new doctor wants me to recover some from the sepsis before any more surgery if that's possible, which ended up being so, he told he me he had no doubt that my pain was extremely horrible and provided me with pain meds and asked often if I needed refills, nice guy!! He also told me that from the x-ray reports he had gone over the best he could tell was that my kidney had been blocked on and off for over a year and totally blocked for at least six months. A few months later I had my kidney removed and began to do much better but continue to have massive infections!! But had great medical care the entire 18 months I was followed by that doctor. I was followed by him for only 18 months because my husband left the company he was transferred with and we moved again. Much to my surprise I found another great doctor more than willing to try to help me. He tried to revise my stoma/bladder twice it never worked it still leaks and I still have tons of infections and all of that crap!! Once again we move after about nine years. I spent many weeks in the hospital over that nine year period of time but having a great doctor seems to make things not so bad!!! We've been here a year and much to my surprise I found a wonderful doctor here, after going to see an ass first and leaving him sitting in the exam room, after I walked out but not before telling him I thought he was an ass!!!! During our year I've had many infections but again having a great doctor seems to make things much easier to deal with or so I tend to think!! There's some stuff I have left out during the nine year period of time before we moved here but I'll get into that another time. That was where and when I was developed SVC syndrome from blood clots and had a few clots in my lungs. If you haven't gotten either sick or hearing me bitch or just plain too bored to keep reading I thank you for listening, it's heart breaking and refreshing at the same time to get it out. This is the first time I've ever written it out, it feels odd, but needed to be let out!! There is some stuff going on with my neo-bladder that may cause me to have to have it removed and be faced with wearing a bag forever more, I don't like that idea much, but such us life you know? I've done many other things I said I'd never do so this too may be one of those too, only time will tell. Thanks again for all of your support. Feel free to ask any questions, I'll do my best to give you answers. When I get over this post I'll fill you all in on what's going on that could cause me to have my "fake (as I like to call it)bladder removed, but that might be a few days from now, gotta have a few happy posts after these last two downers!!! Good news flash I did get a phone call from our son, he is OK or as OK as he can be in a war zone, it was fab to hear his voice!!!!! He said they were extremely busy and he didn't know how long he'd be out on this mission he's been on for the last just about month. He's very much in "the danger zone" 24/7 right now, which anything can happen any where over there. He's not at his "normal" base camp, he's out in the middle of no where, which is why we haven't heard from him much. When he's at this normal base camp he has Internet and phones anytime he chooses to use them. We normally talk on MSN or something like that, and that has gotten me very spoiled talking to him daily!! Please think safe thoughts for him, if you are the praying type, an extra pray sure won't hurt him or his partner Uli, a 3 year German Sheppard!! Man's best friend huh??? Also good news in the fact that our daughter has gotten a "real job" it's only part time but she is going to nursing school so part time is good!! She's a paramedic right now. We are thrilled with her new job, it has to pay better than a life guard and swim coach, which is what she's been working as while in School!! So life is good!!!!! It's about to get really good too, I'm leaving in about 12 days to spend two weeks in NJ visiting my sisters and some other family!!!! I can't wait I'm ready for a vacation and not at "club med" which is what I call the hospital!! Oh yeah since I'm not really the type to "sue" someone I never did anything about that doctor's fuck ups, aren't I really nice????? Although I have heard through friends that still work there that he was indeed relieved when the seven year time period was up and I no longer had the "right to sue him"!! But knowing that was he was fearful was enough for me, money would be nice but it's not going to make me well so why bother, that's all I really would like. OK, now I'm just rambling so I'll close, thanks again for listening!!!! Have a great week and I have some pretty cool photos to share of my fur-babies enjoying the spring weather here!!!!
Marie