I'm not exactly sure where to even begin!

My last post spoke of a wonderful vacation we had just returned from enjoying. Man do I wish I could say we were once again headed on vacation. Lots has gone on since that time, last summer was a typical summer for us, we spent time traveling to see our grown children. That's always fun for sure!! We were blessed with a beautiful grand son in late October, oh how handsome that lil guy is!! His big sister could mostly take him or leave him, cute for sure. I wish were could spend more time with those sweet lil ones, I'd go to the moon and back for them. It's very bitter sweet knowing they are all so close but out of our reach, just heart breaking. I can only hope and pray that one day things change and we are once again able to see the kids. I wonder non stop exactly what the almost three year old is being told when she askes for me-me and poppi. I may not want to know what she's being told, which again is heart breaking. My favorite sister and aunt came to spend my birthday with me in October, wonderful feeling to know they drove all the way here just to see us!! Their trip was cut short by someone who is a bit spoiled as well as selfish. Hindsight is 10/20 as they say and it certainly. I can say that I refuse to ever ask my house guests to leave early for any reason and certainly it won't happened just because someone who doesn't even live in my house, "didn't want to deal with company"! As my father often said, "you live and learn" and he couldn't be any more correct. It was a nice visit with both of them while it lasted and I hope to be going to see them very soon. Around my birthday in October our 8 year old beagle was dx with congestive heart failure and given 3-6 months to live. We gave her lots of different meds, nothing really appeared to help our poor girl!! It was very sad to watch her go down hill. Somewhere around the first of March she took a turn for the worse and we knew things weren't good. I took her in and we did some med changes and if possible gave her even more love. Much to my sorrow it just wasn;t meant to be, she lost her two days later. Heart breaking to say the least, we have comfort in knowing she wasan't made to suffer and she had a fab life with us and was very much loved!! As far as my health, still good and bad days here and there. In Janaury I had a very long and scaary hospital stay for approximately 27 days or so. Those days were spent between ICU and step down ICU, not my idea of fun at all. It took me until the last Friday of February to be able to say, "you know I really think I feel better". Truly a very scary time to say the least. I was again readmitted in mid April for about a week. So very glad it didn't drag out as the Janauray admission had. I think this is pretty much the cliff notes of what's been going on in my life. I could or shall I say I wish I could go into way more details with certian issues but am fearful of who maybe reading. Not that I have a single thing to hide, but it's just not worth the drama anymore. I don't think the person I'm concerned may be reading but I'm not THAT conviced, so until I can figure out my traffic and stuff like that, this is how it's going to be!! Maybe I could look into pass word protected posts or anyone else have any good suggestions? I could be wrong but I don't think Blogger offers pass word protected posts. There have been way too many times where I'd love to have written just so I can keep track of the time line of events, but again that fearfulness that someone maybe reading just waiting to cause even more drama, and I refuse to be put in that place once again. Some very good things have transpired during this time as well, such as our lil beagle who was so very sick back in Novemeber of 2012. You may remember she was sropped off at a firestation a very, very sick lil girl!! They said she was 2.5 months old but only weighed 3.1 pounds. Long story short or you could go back and read Moon Beam's posts, we ended up finding out a few weeks later that she was only 21 days old when dropped off. The slackers who dropped her off orgianlly were "kind" enough to bring her AKC papers by a few weeks later. Anyway we strugged, she struggled for months of being ill, just one thing after the other, the poor lil girl had it rough!! Then she was a horrible eater and well know she's spoiled rotten to say the least. Isn't such a great eater even today but we can deal with that as long as we can keep her healthy!! She finally has been well long enough that we had her spay and her extra teeth removed a few weeks ago. Talk about funny, she never lost her baby "K-9's" before her adult ones came in. I truly think that was a huge deal with her eating issues, or shall I say I thought!! She does eat better as I said but never have I met a beagle who turns food down!!!! Intereting fact: she begs for your drink!! Yup drink, doesn't matter what I happen to be drinking she wants some of it!!! Nuts???? I say yes!!! OK well I think that's all for now, any suggestions on the pass word thing or how to figure out who is or isn't reading would be most helpful to me. The little detail I've already written I can say I do feel a bit better and I can only imagine if given the chance to get even more off my chest would be such a freeing feeling!! Marie

I met a blogger in real life today!!!!!

Today I had privilege of meeting a blogger I've been reading for several years now; she is just as cool in person as on her blog. It was a very nice afternoon of chatting and just hanging out. I got two meet three of her kids and of course they are just as cute if not cuter in person than the photos I’ve seen of them. I sure wish they didn't live on the "wrong" coast, I think we may have been able to hang out IRL if they did. This is my very first time meeting someone in person that I "met" first on-line, just too cool. I was nervous, one because I had never met blog in real life and even though you read someone for a long time you wonder how the conversation will flow and all of that good stuff!! The conversation had no problem flowing, that's for sure!!! Monkey (not real name) was a sweet, sweet person, very friendly and very REAL, which I truly liked. As a matter of fact I don't even remember how I found her blog so many years ago. I think it's been maybe five years I've been reading her, I so wish I could remember how or where I found her but I can't and so who cares I found. She is way cool!!! I enjoyed how laid back she was and just very real, I didn't have to worry about horribly foul mouth, did I say she is real already? Ha to say the least. As I mentioned she had three of the kids with her, a 15 year old teenage girl and two sweet, sweet little boys. The boys were so well behaved, the teenager wow sweet young lady for sure!!! She took great care of the little brothers so we could just chat and chat and chat some more!! None of this complaining, "Come on mom I wanna go, I don't want to deal with the boys", NONE of that ever came out of her mouth; she was a huge help to mom and just a sweet young lady to say the least. I drove about an hour away to Columbia, SC to meet them. We lived in Columbia at one time back in the late 90's, it wasn't exactly a city we enjoyed or ever got attached to. As a matter of fact we disliked it so much we moved there in August of 1997 and moved to Greenville, SC in October of 1998, just couldn't deal with it. The city has changed to say the least and I have to say for the better!! We met at a Cracker Barrel on a side of town where Dave's office once was, a very scary side of town. I was pleasantly surprised things had changed, the "mall" on that side of town still isn't much of a "mall", but then again we didn't go there for the mall. We had lunch and chatted for a bit, then moved on to the mall so the boys could enjoy the indoor play yard. Here again the teenager was more than helpful and took good care of the boys so we could just sit back and chat. It was a great meeting; I hope it was as good for them as me!! I have some photos but I want to ask before I post any. I also have to say this person I credit for me having a blog!!! I so enjoyed reading her the good, the bad and the ugly in her life and it just amazed me, she offered several times to help me begin a blog. I never took her up on it but as soon as my first post was up I emailed her and told her I finally took the big step and it was because of her!!!

Let's see what else is going on in my life. I've now been out of the hospital for 2.5 weeks now, I had a doctor's appointment for follow-up from that admission and what do you freaking know but I’ve gotten another infection brewing!!!!!! Damit it all to hell and back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So a culture was sent and I cross all of my fingers and toes and hope that it's sensitive to something by mouth because I’ve tired of being in the hospital, it sucks and not just the food!!!!!! I go next Tuesday for testing with the surgeon that may possibly be doing my surgery. Hell who am I kidding, who IS going to do my surgery, and I’d like to think I had a choice to do or not to do. I DO have a choice, but if I don't do it, well life is going to suck as it does now. Not to mention I stand a huge chance of losing my only kidney, then I’d be really fucked!!! So I suppose I will be having surgery at some point in time this coming winter!!! Most likely after the holidays. Why after the holidays??? Because David and Kayla are coming home for the holidays!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I can't stand it. We don't have dates yet, waiting on the good ole government to approve his leave dates, which he hopes will happen this week!! To say we are looking forward to seeing those kids doesn't even come close. It seems as if it's been forever since we've seen them both. It's been since June of 2008 for David and August of 2008 for Kayla. The down side to that is Melissa is working Christmas day!!! At first I was so upset and disappointed, now I think about it and am just happy and thankful my entire family will in one place again, even if not for Christmas day!! OK, I think that's about all for now, as I always say I’m going to try to post more often. Have a great rest of the week and I hope one day I am lucky enough to meet other bloggers in real life!!!!
Marie

Such is life!

The very day after having a little more of my thumb chopped off I went to this "king of urology" at Wake Forrest University. The visit went well the physician was extremely nice, very concerned about how I felt about having surgery. Not to mention very carious as to how I got to where I am now. I laughed and said "well that makes two of us then!! I did get a good belly laugh out of him on that one. I didn't really learn anything new or really that exciting either for that matter. He took a lot of time with me, which truly impressed me, he was also concerned that I was at the appointment all by myself. Which I thought was very kind of him, I explained to him that my husband was traveling that week and since this was a last minute appointment there really wasn't any time to try to change his travel days. He even offered to have me call him and have him on a conference call for my appointment. Don't think I've ever come across a physician that kind. As I told my personal urologist he was very kind but it still doesn't make me want to have surgery!!!! Such is life though, it appears I'm going to have surgery anyway. I have no date yet I'm going back in early October for some tests, then I suppose we'll talk surgery dates, I could be wrong, we'll see. There are days that I feel as if I would be fine with the surgery and all that comes with it, so to say, then there are days when I am so pissed off that I am once again facing surgery! Again such is life and I can be as pissed off as I want to be but that isn't going to stop all of these infections and the fevers from hell, right? Right!!!!! I do have to admit these infections are getting closer and closer together, and since I'm pretty much resistant to all oral antibiotics, each new infection buys me a femoral line and at least 10 days of IV antibiotics in the hospital. I was just discharged from my last inpatient admission the very end of July. 10 days after being home I had another infection, I got really lucky with that one and was able to take oral medications to treat it. I finished up those medicines about three weeks ago if that long ago, was feeling OK, no blood, no fever, still pain but not horrible. My follow up appointment was Wednesday afternoon, wouldn't you know by Monday evening I begin having more flank pain, Tuesday I begin peeing blood and lots of, and oh great I could puke my guts up at any given second and the final blow came Wednesday morning, I wake up with a fever from hell,great, just freaking great!!!!!!!!!!! So I go to my appointment and of course I have lots of white cells and blood in urine, because I am so resistant to most antibiotics my physician is reluctant to just begin treating me. So he gives me two choices. 1) Be admitted that day and get a jump start on the infection or 2) go home and wait this out until Monday when the final culture results will be ready. Of course if I get to the point I'm puking my guts up and the pain isn't controlled with oral medications or my fever spikes higher than 101 I promised I'd call to be admitted. I really, really like my urologist, not many physicians would give the patient that much control, my first one sure didn't, it was his way or he had a freaking 2 year old temper tantrum, and no I'm not kidding nor stretching the truth even a little on this one! My fever is hanging around 100.9, I feel like total crap, I'm not puking but I'm not really eating or drinking either. My pain is bad but I can't justify being admitted just for pain control right now, maybe I just don't hurt bad enough right now, or maybe I'm just so used to dealing with horrible pain everyday I've gotten used to it, who knows. I just know this sucks, this is not the way I'd choose to live my life. The good news is that I have a totally supportive husband who will support whatever I choose to do as far as surgery goes. So in looking at things on the "bright side" this too shall pass. I have a feeling I'll be back in the hospital by the beginning of the week. If this happens it happens, if it doesn't and I'm able to treat my infection with oral antibiotics I'm a very lucky girl, agree?? OK enough crappy crap!!!
In other news in our house our daughter is back at home with for a short time. I love her more than life itself but................it's hard as hell to live with her!!!!!!!! Man I forgot what it was like to have to pick up after someone or to have "stuff" just laying around here and there, why oh why can't she just put her "stuff" where it belongs???????????? She is supposed to be saving her money to purchase a house of her own, I'm not so sure this is going to happen, only time will tell. She isn't really saving her money which makes me think she is so sure that Dave and I are going to begin paying for her apartment or housing or whatever she decides to do. I am here to tell you, oh she is so WRONG!!!!! Don't get me wrong we've put both of our kids through college and helped them get "started" in life, but once you finish college and you have an adult job you are so on your own!!! As it should be in my book. Of course we'll help her purchase large ticket items if she needs the help BUT, she has to "help us help her" (Dave's tag line) which I totally I agree with. If we keep shelling money out she'll keep "needing our help". As for the dogs in our home, that's another thing she isn't going to like, but such is life!!!!!!! When she moves she HAS to take her dog with her, he can no longer stay with us, he can come and visit when she does but other than that, nope I'm finished with him!!!!! You know I only began life with two thumbs and thanks to her dog I now only have one, a big reason he can't stay here any more!!! I'm afraid of him, he's a huge dog and I think he knows I'm afraid of him, he gives me a hard time not listening and just stands there looking at me like I speak a different language then he does. Does he do that crap to Dave or Melissa, HELL NO!!! I didn't "sign up" to care for him, I told her he could come here and visit and he hasn't freaking left!!! It's more than time for him to leave, don't you think????? I'm really worried about her keeping him to tell the truth, I'm so afraid he'll bite someone else. I don't know the ins and outs of "once a biter always a biter", but I do know I'm afraid of him and he stares my down when I tell him something, and I know that isn't good!!! Anyone care to enlighten me on that subject, please do tell, I'm really interested. But let me say this first, he still isn't living here any longer!! Man I must be a mean mom, again, "such is life"!!
If you've continued to read this rambling mess of a post, thanks!! I'm sort of all over the place sorry but my mind is sort like that right now too. I'm really going to try to post more often maybe I'll feel better getting stuff off my chest and it won't take me hours to write just one post. That's my plan, let's see if I can stick to it. Have a great week everyone and thanks again for taking your time to read.
Marie

Does it ever end??????????????

Since the news I have to share about my thumb pretty much sucks, I'll begin with something wonderful first. David is back from Iraq!!!!!!!!!! He is back to his wife in HI and has been since this past weekend!!!!!!! This is one relived mom, that's for sure!! In other good news, Melissa is back home for a few weeks. We are looking for a small house for her to either rent or purchase. She needs to be closer to work and school, but her apartment just wasn't working out. She has a huge dog that needs lots of running room and an apartment just doesn't allow for that. We have a few leads on houses both to purchase and or rent. Something to lease or rent to own would be a good start for a young person just starting out. Hope we find her something soon she has a 2 plus hour drive from our house to work. When she works her normal shifts she only works two days one week and three the following. Which is great because if she had to drive that everyday, gas would eat her profits. Everyone and then she'll work a 48 hour shift, which is even less driving, she loves her job!! It is giving her a wide variety of experience for her nursing classes, which is good. I just hope she doesn't "burn-out" working as many hours as she is working right now as well as trying to go to school full time. She is one busy little girl. Well maybe not a little girl but my little girl anyway, no matter how old she gets 22 or 42!! Now on to the news that sucks!! I'm sure everyone remembers the dog bite back in early May, then the removal of part of my thumb at the end of May. Well the very tip of the thumb heals and then breaks open and bleeds. I thought this maybe due to the skin being so thin on the top and that with time it would heal and be fine. As time goes on this hasn't happened. The thumb is also very swollen still. So off to the hand surgeon I go, knowing full well something wasn't exactly right. I was so right but had no idea what the real deal was. It appears the jagged portion of the bone that was bitten off and then part of it was removed during surgery, has become jagged once again. Two pieces of that jagged bone has broken off and is trying to work it's way through the skin. Which explains why it heals and breaks open as well as the reason for it being so swollen three month after surgery! So on Friday I will have those pieces of the bone removed, I don't know how much more of the thumb I'll lose. If he can save the first knuckle I'll have a pin put in it, due to the break from the bite. My thumb was broken in three places one portion of that break was removed when he removed part of my thumb, another break has broken into pieces which will be removed an the final break is the knuckle that hasn't healed well, which is where he'll place the pin to hold it together. So that's how I'll be spending my Friday, sounds fun huh??? NOT!! Take care all.
Marie

Where has the summer gone? Where has the time gone???

Wow, it's August already, where has time gone? Summer is my most favorite time of the year, I so love to tan, yeah I know it's not exactly "healthy" but one must have some bad habits. Hubby took a few days off early in the week, we thought about going away but the packing and unpacking and getting there and back just didn't seem to very appealing. So we strayed home and it was lots of fun, we didn't do much of anything, Dave does tons of yard work like he always does when he's off, then in the afternoons we chilled in the pool. That's my most favorite thing to do, the sun beating down on you and the cool pool water, oh just the most fab thing the world!!!! Then each evening he cooked our meals, well grilled our meals, they were most fab as always. Having a husband who cooks and enjoys doing so it just great, of course he prefers to cook on the grill, but hey it's always good so who cares how or where he cooks it, you know? I'm missing my kiddos something horrible!!!!!!!!!!! Our son is still awaiting a flight out of Iraq along with numerous other soldiers. It's been something like 8 days they have been waiting for a flight, there is always something that causes them not to get a flight out. Tomorrow well I suppose today since it's after midnight is his first anniversary, he's spent most of his first year of marriage deployed. I just hope and pray that he'll have many, many more happy anniversaries in which he is at home (where ever that may be)with his wife. I'm telling you it's got to be hard for her to be so freaking far away from anyone family or anyone she knows and it be your very first anniversary and your husband is in Iraq. Although it sucks, at least we can say he is safe at this minute and he will be back to the states safe and sound very soon, much sooner rather than later!!! Our daughter Melissa has a new full time job, and is still going to school full time. Needless to say she has no time for anything and that includes seeing her parents!!! My heart is breaking because I miss our kids. That sounds silly I'm sure, but it's been weeks since I've last seen Melissa at least two weeks before I was in the hospital and I'll have been home from there two weeks this Monday, so yeah it's been a long time, I miss her. I miss our son. I am thankful that they both are happy and safe and are being productive adults in jobs they both love. I suppose a parent really can't ask for much more than that huh?? For that, I am truly happy for them and feel blessed to have had the chance to raise two productive adults. Damit, I just wish they were both closer or could at least come for a visit, even a short visit would be great!! So that's where I am in my nice little boring life!! To add a little more stress to my life and make it not so boring I have a follow up with urologist on Monday, I suppose he'll give me the information about seeing the new surgeon who will possibly be doing my surgery. Some days I am so ready to go and have it done and move on and other days I'm dreading it and can find every single reason under the sun as to why I don't need, don't want, shouldn't have the surgery. I try very hard to make my mind walk away from those thoughts, it's not always easy. To say I'm stressed as hell doesn't even come close, I'm scared of everything that goes with surgery and then some. Seeing a new physician is also making my stress level increase a good bit as well. Once the surgery is over and I've recovered a good bit I'll be discharged back to my personal urologist, which makes me very happy, I really like him and feel as if I can trust him and talk to him about anything. He keeps assuring me that the surgeon he is sending me to is a good guy also and that he'll be just as easy to talk to and all of that good stuff, only time will tell!! OK, I'm out of here because I'm rambling like a crazy person, ha ha!!!!! I'm trying to come here and write more often, maybe get some of stress out and to use this as record of the time before during and after my surgery. Maybe one day I can help someone facing the surgery and same fears, issues, whatever, again only time will tell! Have a most wonderful weekend, I plan to have a very relaxed weekend spent floating around the pool.

Part two of my sucky story!!!! It's a long one too.

Part two to of my sucky story!!

The doctor told me I needed to keep the catheter in my new stoma for at least six weeks before removing it for good. I told him it was extremely slow to drain and not amount of flushing helped, he assured me all was OK. Even though the catheter came out a few days post-op and all he could get back in was a very tiny catheter. So I go into the office for the big day to remove the catheter and begin my several times a day emptying through the stoma. He did not bother to tell me what type, size, nothing as far as a catheter went, I suppose he thought since I worked at the hospital I knew or maybe he just didn't care!! I also need to back up a bit and add that right before this last surgery he had gotten a partner up to that point he'd been in practice alone. OK so back to the DAY from HELL, I go to lunch with a friend and drank way too much iced tea, I was slightly anxious to catheterize myself for the first to be begin with but in a public restroom, even more so. I tired and the catheter just wouldn't go in, I tired not to panic and thought OK I'm stressing too much about this. I left the restaurant went home and thought all would "work" at home, no need to worry about anyone hearing the opening of the catheter or me cursing. Nothing again, so I begin calling my nurse friends, both had the same thoughts as me CALL THE DR NOW!! So I did, he was stuck in traffic with his partner coming back from DUKE U for a conference. He didn't want me to go to the ER and have someone "mess up" (his words) his work. He told me he'd call me as he and his new partner got closer to the office, which ended up only being about 30 minutes but seemed much longer with a full bladder and the stress of "oh hell something isn't right, this can't be good". I go to the office and he begins poking any urological tool he could find in my stoma, all the while screaming at me, "what did you do to this, it worked for me this morning" (which in fact he NEVER even tried it before I left the office). He kept telling me and his partner he wasn't taking me back to surgery he was fixing "it" here, nice huh? I began to feel very badly for several reasons, mainly I to freaking pee like hell, I was tiring from all of the pain he was causing, they were pressing on my tummy like mad, and I was just plain scared as hell. The next thing I know he yells to his partner to take my over to the ER and get the OR ready, not thinking clearly at this point when he left the room I tried to stand up after getting off the table and I hit the floor. His partner NOT my doctor comes running in and helps me up and drags me to his car, all the while I'm now bleeding from the stoma like hell and my tummy is really hurting but not like I had to pee sort of hurt. I felt so bad at this point I couldn't be scared. So we get to the ER I over hear the his partner tell them to call the OR that they've ruptured something but I didn't hear the whole story, still not too concerned about much other than peeing, I didn't worry, how stupid of me!! So they take me to the OR, and revise the stoma and the conduit, I stay in CCU over night. I ask the next day what ruptured? I'm told oh nothing why would you ask that, I told him I over heard the conversation with the OR staff the day before, "oh nothing was ruptured you weren't feeling well you thought you heard that but didn't", OK I'm stupid I "bought that shit from him". So another recovery process and time goes by slow as hell, but I do recover and finally have the catheter removed and begin self cathing, not problems this time other than leakage. Which I had been telling him about since a few days post-op, I was told it was leaking because the catheter was in the stoma and it the stoma wasn't made to hold a catheter, so again I "bought the crap". Time goes by and I am soaked like crazy, he never offered any advice on what to do or what we could do to fix it, only that now it will take time to heal and then it'll stop leaking. UM no dumb ass it's still leaking after 13 year, wonder how long it takes to stop leaking??? Ha! As time is passing I'm still having infection after infection, I used a new catheter each time and was very sterile in doing the cathing, nothing helped. I also was dealing with a ton of right flank pain, just like I had when I had the obstructions of my ureter, I tell him this time after time, he blows me off telling me I just used to taking pain medicines and so my pain tolerance is very low at this point but I'll be OK soon. RIGHT! So I get brave and go for a second option, at a university hospital, I tell him the entire ordeal and ask him not to contact my doctor about my visit until I could tell him, he agreed. Only he lied and called him as soon as I left his office. So I get a hateful message from my doctor telling me he wants to see me RIGHT NOW!! So I head over there and he screams and yells and stomps his feet like a child because I second guessed him and if I'd only told him I was going for a second option he'd have not looked like the ass he did when he got the call. Can you see who he cared about more me or him own ego???? While at the second doctors he did some x-rays and found I did indeed have a blockage and he wanted to fix it, I was stupid and said no I'll go to my doctor right away and he'll take care of it. Let me back up the second doctor didn't really give me any information on what he'd do or not do, his main concern was getting the blockage opened and then go from there. Back at my doctor's office we talk about the obstruction and that he feels it will "pass" that it's not a true blockage, just mucus from my bladder refluxing and we could just watch it. As for pain meds, oh hell no he gave tordal, which is an anti inflammatory drug, didn't touch my pain, but if I mentioned pain he mentioned me being "too used to pain meds" deal again, whatever, ass if that was the case I'd have gotten narcotics from any doctor at the hospital, when you work in one you know who will give what, but I had such drug seeking behavior I NEVER once got pain meds from anyone other than him. By this time it's the fall of 1997 and there is talk my husband is going to be transferred, which would require me to see another doctor being we would be moving three plus hours away. I continued to have pain in my right flank, he continued to ignore it, every now and then he'd do some type of x-ray but tell me it was normal no blockage, this went on from mid-winter of 1998 until spring of that year, he finally agreed that something "might be wrong" and so I had one of many nephrostomy tubes put in through my back straight into the kidney, wow the pain is gone, except for the soreness from the tube. He says he plans to leave the tube in for a few weeks to give me pain relief, wow thought I didn't have any pain in his eyes, interesting to say the least!! So the tube is in for about 4 to 5 weeks at least, he then says he plans to "take a look" through the tube into the kidney and ureter in the OR just to prove there is no scarring and that I'm not truly hurting. I go to the OR and admitted over night because he had put a much larger tube in, in the OR (never could get a reason for that out of him)post-op I began to wake up and hurt and ask for pain meds, I'm told no I don't have anything ordered except Phenergan 12.5 mg IM every 4 to 6 hours. Oh man I hurt like hell, the nurse (who most of were my friends)called him numerous times to tell him my BP was out of the roof and they felt it was from being in pain, still no pain meds. Nice guy huh? The next day he comes in and screams at me for "bitching and asking for pain meds" I tried to tell him I never asked them to call him, he didn't believe me, too bad ass!! He then tells me to sit up and he rips the tube from my back and says OK call Dave you can go home. So through tears I call my husband and tell him what's going on since he left that AM to go to the office. He calls my doctor and tells him I'm really hurting and this can't be normal, he tells me husband "he isn't giving me anything that I'm too used to pain meds and my toloracne is way too low and it would only make me worse", yeah right!! We are told he found nothing to be causing my pain and that the only reason he can come up with is I'm addicted to pain meds and that's why I'm hurting deal, my husband tells him the deal about me being offered scripts of pain meds from other doctors but I've refused them, still says no. I finally recover from that mess and it's getting close to time for us to move, I begin thinking OK a new place, a new doctor will help find out what is going on and make stop thinking I'm nuts. Fast forward to August of 1997, we are moving and I begin feeling sick, infection sick, I have a 104 temp, so I go to the ER. I'm admitted with sepsis. The first thing they do is start an IV, then give pain meds and the a CT scan, wow what do you know I've got a huge blockage in my right kidney along with a nice abess. The new doctor is great but I don't complain much about my old doctor because you how doctors stick up for each other, well not this guy he bitched about my old doctor and said he needed to be stopped numerous times. He finally requests me old records, well guess who wouldn't give up my records??? You guessed correctly if you said my old doctor!! So they request just my x-ray reports from the hospital, and what do you know, I've had an obstruction every single time I had any x-ray in the past 6 plus months!!!! So I'm not crazy, (well the jury i still out on that one) I'm hurting for a reason and now my right kidney is basically dead and needs to be removed!! Great!! Thanks MPD, you ass!!! My new doctor wants me to recover some from the sepsis before any more surgery if that's possible, which ended up being so, he told he me he had no doubt that my pain was extremely horrible and provided me with pain meds and asked often if I needed refills, nice guy!! He also told me that from the x-ray reports he had gone over the best he could tell was that my kidney had been blocked on and off for over a year and totally blocked for at least six months. A few months later I had my kidney removed and began to do much better but continue to have massive infections!! But had great medical care the entire 18 months I was followed by that doctor. I was followed by him for only 18 months because my husband left the company he was transferred with and we moved again. Much to my surprise I found another great doctor more than willing to try to help me. He tried to revise my stoma/bladder twice it never worked it still leaks and I still have tons of infections and all of that crap!! Once again we move after about nine years. I spent many weeks in the hospital over that nine year period of time but having a great doctor seems to make things not so bad!!! We've been here a year and much to my surprise I found a wonderful doctor here, after going to see an ass first and leaving him sitting in the exam room, after I walked out but not before telling him I thought he was an ass!!!! During our year I've had many infections but again having a great doctor seems to make things much easier to deal with or so I tend to think!! There's some stuff I have left out during the nine year period of time before we moved here but I'll get into that another time. That was where and when I was developed SVC syndrome from blood clots and had a few clots in my lungs. If you haven't gotten either sick or hearing me bitch or just plain too bored to keep reading I thank you for listening, it's heart breaking and refreshing at the same time to get it out. This is the first time I've ever written it out, it feels odd, but needed to be let out!! There is some stuff going on with my neo-bladder that may cause me to have to have it removed and be faced with wearing a bag forever more, I don't like that idea much, but such us life you know? I've done many other things I said I'd never do so this too may be one of those too, only time will tell. Thanks again for all of your support. Feel free to ask any questions, I'll do my best to give you answers. When I get over this post I'll fill you all in on what's going on that could cause me to have my "fake (as I like to call it)bladder removed, but that might be a few days from now, gotta have a few happy posts after these last two downers!!! Good news flash I did get a phone call from our son, he is OK or as OK as he can be in a war zone, it was fab to hear his voice!!!!! He said they were extremely busy and he didn't know how long he'd be out on this mission he's been on for the last just about month. He's very much in "the danger zone" 24/7 right now, which anything can happen any where over there. He's not at his "normal" base camp, he's out in the middle of no where, which is why we haven't heard from him much. When he's at this normal base camp he has Internet and phones anytime he chooses to use them. We normally talk on MSN or something like that, and that has gotten me very spoiled talking to him daily!! Please think safe thoughts for him, if you are the praying type, an extra pray sure won't hurt him or his partner Uli, a 3 year German Sheppard!! Man's best friend huh??? Also good news in the fact that our daughter has gotten a "real job" it's only part time but she is going to nursing school so part time is good!! She's a paramedic right now. We are thrilled with her new job, it has to pay better than a life guard and swim coach, which is what she's been working as while in School!! So life is good!!!!! It's about to get really good too, I'm leaving in about 12 days to spend two weeks in NJ visiting my sisters and some other family!!!! I can't wait I'm ready for a vacation and not at "club med" which is what I call the hospital!! Oh yeah since I'm not really the type to "sue" someone I never did anything about that doctor's fuck ups, aren't I really nice????? Although I have heard through friends that still work there that he was indeed relieved when the seven year time period was up and I no longer had the "right to sue him"!! But knowing that was he was fearful was enough for me, money would be nice but it's not going to make me well so why bother, that's all I really would like. OK, now I'm just rambling so I'll close, thanks again for listening!!!! Have a great week and I have some pretty cool photos to share of my fur-babies enjoying the spring weather here!!!!
Marie

A whole bunch of nothing important!

Above Mikey the Golden)chilling! Francesca (the dal)taking a nap as well, then Sophie (the most fab mutt in the entire world, then the beagle S-Co chilling as well!! Enjoy!!!
Nothing major going on in our house for once, which is always great if you ask me. I have heard from our son twice in the last two days, that is wonderful!!! It's only been for a very few minutes each time but heck I'll take even a second on the phone with him. Just hearing his voice makes me feel so much better. I know he is a dangerous place and if I allow my mind to drift it goes to horrible thoughts so I've been trying to keep myself very busy when up to it. He sounded good but tired and said as much. His dog and he have been extremely busy, the dog has found many, many things that explosive dogs are trained to find, a good thing again but sure makes this mom's heart race thinking the only thing between something that could blow up a whole hell of a lot of crap is his DOG, a very good service dog that is. That's comforting as it can be. Melissa our daughter has gotten a part-time job as a paramedic, which is wonderful for our checkbook!!! We're so happy for her she's young like soon to be 21 in a few weeks and a lot of the EMS companies and county agencies require you to be 23 to drive the trucks. This county will allow her to be on the truck but not drive which is great. She is also going to nursing school and even though she'd have liked a full time job I don't see how that would workout. So needless to say we're happy for her and for her "getting a real job" present she got a new sofa and desk for her new apartment!! I got a fab deal at Good-will, the sofa is brand spanking new, still has the tag from the store it came from, it's recently gone out of business and I'm not sure how it got there but really don't care, just glad we got her a great deal! She still needs a dining room table, she has one but it's not in such great shape, but will do for now. She had no desk or sofa, only a recliner and coffee and end tables. So now other than a floor lamp she's good to go for now, the rest will be "wants, not "needs" as my hubby calls it!! Fur-babies are doing well, silly and crazy and full of energy I so I wish could bottle and use when needed for me!!! Medical-wise, I'm OK for now on the finishing up side of my latest antibiotic for the latest kidney infection and I do feel much, much better than I did, that's always a good thing!! Only about 11 more days before my big trip to NJ to see my sisters and to see about a head-stone for my mother's grave. I've been really slack on getting that ordered and put in place considering she's been gone a full year plus a few months. Not so sure she cares it's not there yet, you know? The one thing that is new this week is I went to the eye doctor to get another script for my contacts, well I knew my vision had been getting a little worse but man I didn't realize just how bad until my exam. I had to have both my bi-focal and my distance script increased. I went with the good old fashioned bi-focals this time since I only ever wear my glasses at home for like an hour or watching TV before bed or reading. The lady kept asking if I were sure I didn't want to stay with the progressive lens or whatever they call it, I told her no that I don't wear them enough to justify paying that much more for lens. Maybe I'll wish I had when they come back but such is life, I'll just have to "deal" with them for the next year, and you know I'm sure I've dealt with lots worse stuff in my life, you know? Anyway I can now see like crazy, I can see the alarm clock across the room, and the small print that goes across the bottom of the TV at times, it's been nice to see again!!! I just hope I don't mess up and either lose or rip the only pair of contacts they gave me until the ones I ordered arrive!!! OK I do believe that's all of the boring stuff going on in my life!! So I'll close by leaving you with some most fab cuteness! Have a great rest of what's left of the weekend!! I'll be back soon and hope to get "my story" written and posted before my big two week trip!! (But don't hold me to that time line, I'll do my best to make but I'll be slightly busy with doctor appointments and general stuff you do before a big trip.)