Still on "baby watch"

Well my friends still no baby Sunday was the due date. Of course we all know that babies come when they are good and ready and not a second before. Not to mention she's a first baby so I don't know of many first babies who come on the due date. I told Kayla to walk and walk, and keep walking and when she's tired to walk some more!!! She didn't like that idea but how many 9 month preggo's would like that idea, right??
I guess I should let you know what "kind" of grand-baby we are getting huh? We are having a baby girl. Her name will be Caroline Nicole. She will be a first grand-baby on both sides. Kayla's parents are there and have been for about a week, I have to say I don't know if I'm jealous or just frustrated that we can't be there. Most likely a little of both, don't you think?? We had plans to be there in early July and be there for three weeks. Oh man just think three weeks of just taking in that sweet smell of a brand spanking new baby!!! Nothing like the smell of a baby right after a bath!!!! We didn't plan on being there when the baby was born, for many reasons; mainly one can deal with only so much company at one time!! Plus they made their plans before we did so what do you do?? Her parents should get to go first, right? Another reason is I don't want to have to share her with anyone when I do get to see her, so why not go once the other family has left, sound good huh?????
The reason we can't go is out of my hands, although it is sort of my fault if you look at it that way, which I do, my husband and son and daughter in law, do not look at it as my fault. Which is nice and I'm glad and all of that good stuff but I still feel horribly guilty that we can't make it. Back when I was in the hospital about three weeks or so ago, after much thought and even more tears I gave in and allowed them to put a port in my arm for IV access to make it easier to have IV access. My reason for not wanting it was because I've had numerous blood clots as a result of these wonderful ports and I was afraid I'd end up with one. Wouldn't you know about a week after I was discharged my arm began getting hot to the touch, red, and just throbbing like crazy!! I knew what the deal was before I even went to the doctors, so I went in they confirmed my fear, yes I did have a clot it was caught early enough that we could use a clot buster to break it up, great. We were all pleased it went so smoothly, until the next day and my arm hurts and all the same issues have returned. Another doctor’s visit and an ultra sound later confirms there is a smaller clot behind the port, can't remove the clot or use a clot bluster because it's behind and not easily reachable!!!! So what does this have to do with me going to HI to see our new grand-baby??? Flying could cause the clot to travel, to my heart, lungs, brain among the super bad places for it travel while I'm flying. I have a 70% chance of the clot traveling if I fly so as much as I want to go and as guilty as I feel about not going it's just not safe. Our son and daughter in law have been very understanding about this. That makes me feel good but I still feel guilty, and wonder what others are thinking as to why we aren't going to HI. Normally I could give a flying fuck what others think about me but for some reason this time it's really bothering me. I'm sure others will think, "can you believe she isn't going to see her grand-baby born or what kind of grand-parents are they going to be not even going to visit when she is first born. Those and many other things travel through my mind daily!! Sucks big time!!! I try to reason with myself which isn't very easy and tell myself David and Kayla know why we aren't there and they understand and don't want me to risk it and so who gives a flying fuck what others think, you know??? So that's where I am now.
I'll be back to let all of you know when she makes her appearance into this most fab world!!!! Have a most wonderful day my friends. As I mentioned I'm trying to be a better blogger but this next week I don't know how often I'll post my oldest sister and her son are coming for a visit and we have a few thing planned. That is if I'm feeling up to it, my feelings on that are I'm going to plan on feeling GREAT and if not we'll deal with whatever comes our way!!!! If I don’t make it back this week I’ll just have a long post by the time I do get back.

Marie